Monday
Emily: hey, hows it going?
me: its alright
Emily: how is your grandma doing?
Sent at 11:04 PM on Monday
me: she was really happy to see me yesterday
i guess i was the only one she called to tell that he'd passed
an implicit "i need you"
Emily: aww
me: yeah
Emily: thats really sweet
im glad you were there for her
me: yeah, i am too
she's handling it better than i thought
but i dont think its fully hit her yet that he's gone
she still talks of him almost as though he's still alive
and she's been talking about him a lot
but both of those things are fine
whatever works for her
Emily: yeah
me: but she isn't going into her room to cry to herself every night like she had been when he was in the hospital
so, i feel like whatever is happening now is an improvement
Emily: that seems better than not talkinf to him
about him, i mean
me: yeah
Emily: yeah
it was probably especially hard for her to see him in pain
me: im sure it was
i spent today trying to figure out the cremation and arrangements
she wants me to handle things
and of course i cant say no
Emily: aww man
yeah
im sorry though
that is hard
me: well, i did it for my mom
somehow
i can do this, too
but the county is being an asshole, they might not subsidize the cremation like they did for my mom
and if they dont, i have no idea how we'll pay for it
its like 2500 just for the cremation
Emily: wow
why wouldnt they pay for it?
me: the bitch at the coroners office had the nerve to tell me that theyre trying to only do it for homeless people because "the county doesnt have any money"
then she asked me how old my grandpa was
and had the nerve to say, "well, your grandma must have known he was going to die, she shouldve made preparations. its not the county's job to take responsibility for people who cant handle things themselves when its within their means"
etc etc
i almost blew up in her fucking face
like, who the fuck is she to just pass judgment like that?
she knows NOTHING about my grandparents
Emily: yeah
me: she didnt even have their income or anything, she was literally basing this off of nothing
Emily: thats actually ridiculous
that she would say that
like, omg
me: so i told her, "well, actually they only have their ssi payments, which isnt very much at all.."
and she cut me off to say
"well if theyre getting ssi, theyre already getting a lot more than a lot of people"
and then
"theyve had plenty of time to save"
she then continued "you know im only 53 and im already planning and saving for me and my husband when the time comes"
Emily: wow
this is insane
me: im like wtf do you want me to say you cunt?
good for fucking you?
go ahead and die already then?
(i obviously did not say any of this because i want the paperwork to get approved, and ddint want to hurt our chances)
(but obviously i was thinking it)
Emily: lol
yeah, wow
that is unbelievable
talk about sensitivity.....
me: i know
cunt
sorry, im just really upset about it
i'll find out tomorrow if i get it approved or not
if not, i really have no idea whats going to happen
Emily: ooh man
that is so scary
like- what will happen?
ya know?
if you just cant pay it?
me: i dont know
really, i dont
i think if we refuse to pay it you can be charged with a misdemeanor
or at least i remember something along those lines from dealing with my mom's stuff
idk.. ill have to talk to someone about it
at the very least we wouldnt get the remains
Emily: wow
thats really sad
me: i know
its one of the things thats bringing me down the most right now
on top of just being sad
and i have these fucking papers to do
Emily: jeezz...
any chance you will get to celebrate your birthday?
or even want to?
me: i have no idea
it feels really surreal that my birthday is in like two days
Emily: im sorry dude
we can have anpther boirthday party for you
then you wouldnt even have to share it with matt
lol
Sent at 11:21 PM on Monday
me: hah
yeah, idk
Sent at 11:23 PM on Monday
me: i guess ill have to see how tomorrow goes
i really have no idea about my birthday
Emily: yeah
dont worry about it though. if you arent up to it, we will postpone your birthday
we wont let it go uncelebrated
me: idk
its not the same not celebrating on my birthday
Sent at 11:33 PM on Monday
me: anyway i need to go
my grandmas getting ready for bed, so im going to help her
Emily: ok
awww
ok have a good night
me: thanks
night
Sent at 11:39 PM on Monday
me: its alright
Emily: how is your grandma doing?
Sent at 11:04 PM on Monday
me: she was really happy to see me yesterday
i guess i was the only one she called to tell that he'd passed
an implicit "i need you"
Emily: aww
me: yeah
Emily: thats really sweet
im glad you were there for her
me: yeah, i am too
she's handling it better than i thought
but i dont think its fully hit her yet that he's gone
she still talks of him almost as though he's still alive
and she's been talking about him a lot
but both of those things are fine
whatever works for her
Emily: yeah
me: but she isn't going into her room to cry to herself every night like she had been when he was in the hospital
so, i feel like whatever is happening now is an improvement
Emily: that seems better than not talkinf to him
about him, i mean
me: yeah
Emily: yeah
it was probably especially hard for her to see him in pain
me: im sure it was
i spent today trying to figure out the cremation and arrangements
she wants me to handle things
and of course i cant say no
Emily: aww man
yeah
im sorry though
that is hard
me: well, i did it for my mom
somehow
i can do this, too
but the county is being an asshole, they might not subsidize the cremation like they did for my mom
and if they dont, i have no idea how we'll pay for it
its like 2500 just for the cremation
Emily: wow
why wouldnt they pay for it?
me: the bitch at the coroners office had the nerve to tell me that theyre trying to only do it for homeless people because "the county doesnt have any money"
then she asked me how old my grandpa was
and had the nerve to say, "well, your grandma must have known he was going to die, she shouldve made preparations. its not the county's job to take responsibility for people who cant handle things themselves when its within their means"
etc etc
i almost blew up in her fucking face
like, who the fuck is she to just pass judgment like that?
she knows NOTHING about my grandparents
Emily: yeah
me: she didnt even have their income or anything, she was literally basing this off of nothing
Emily: thats actually ridiculous
that she would say that
like, omg
me: so i told her, "well, actually they only have their ssi payments, which isnt very much at all.."
and she cut me off to say
"well if theyre getting ssi, theyre already getting a lot more than a lot of people"
and then
"theyve had plenty of time to save"
she then continued "you know im only 53 and im already planning and saving for me and my husband when the time comes"
Emily: wow
this is insane
me: im like wtf do you want me to say you cunt?
good for fucking you?
go ahead and die already then?
(i obviously did not say any of this because i want the paperwork to get approved, and ddint want to hurt our chances)
(but obviously i was thinking it)
Emily: lol
yeah, wow
that is unbelievable
talk about sensitivity.....
me: i know
cunt
sorry, im just really upset about it
i'll find out tomorrow if i get it approved or not
if not, i really have no idea whats going to happen
Emily: ooh man
that is so scary
like- what will happen?
ya know?
if you just cant pay it?
me: i dont know
really, i dont
i think if we refuse to pay it you can be charged with a misdemeanor
or at least i remember something along those lines from dealing with my mom's stuff
idk.. ill have to talk to someone about it
at the very least we wouldnt get the remains
Emily: wow
thats really sad
me: i know
its one of the things thats bringing me down the most right now
on top of just being sad
and i have these fucking papers to do
Emily: jeezz...
any chance you will get to celebrate your birthday?
or even want to?
me: i have no idea
it feels really surreal that my birthday is in like two days
Emily: im sorry dude
we can have anpther boirthday party for you
then you wouldnt even have to share it with matt
lol
Sent at 11:21 PM on Monday
me: hah
yeah, idk
Sent at 11:23 PM on Monday
me: i guess ill have to see how tomorrow goes
i really have no idea about my birthday
Emily: yeah
dont worry about it though. if you arent up to it, we will postpone your birthday
we wont let it go uncelebrated
me: idk
its not the same not celebrating on my birthday
Sent at 11:33 PM on Monday
me: anyway i need to go
my grandmas getting ready for bed, so im going to help her
Emily: ok
awww
ok have a good night
me: thanks
night
Sent at 11:39 PM on Monday