Backspace
well you know I figured since I have the time I am going to get this out of the way now rather than later tonight. Besides I could use the break from cleaning my room. Living with Jim is helping me become more of a clean freak, that guy is so fucking messy. He is the appitamy of a pig. Today I said I was going to clean the house and he wanted me to leave the bathroom for him....yeah that is going to happen. He doesn't know the first thing about cleaning much less keeping it that way. Anyway that is not why I am writing today, no I was doing a bit of reflecting on my life and got a bit down. I have been to college 2 times in my life and never graduated. I want to get into radio but being 32 it is difficult with no education or training. So I am left to think, is the best I can ever do??? Is my life really going to be living with my brother, going to Albertsons for a measly squandering of food that has to be squirreled away carefully. I have to be honest, I so didn't think my life was going to be like this 10 years ago.
But I can say that even though I am bitching about my life, there are those that don't even have a house to go to and food to eat so I at least have that going for me. Going to 24hr fitness to get myself into shape and feel healthy is really helping me, after seeing that I weighed in at 180lbs I was the furthest from pleased let me tell you. The only thing I really have to do is start seeing things as they will be and not as they are. I mean, I know I will not be here in this apartment cleaning up after jim my whole life (besides he will probably be dead of diabetes soon anyway the way he is taking care of himself) but I do think that is a lot of my problem is that I am dwelling upon too much of what has happened and not what will happen. I remember when I was in High School I didn't give a fuck what people thought of me or what I was doing, I was being myself and they would have to just deal. Somewhere along the line I guess I lost that edge.
Well I am bringing the edge back, see this problem was even seeping into my family life. I was constantly concerned with what they were thinking of me; that is just not good for a person to do. My wrist is going to heal, right now it is probably at 30% or so (my guess) and it will end up working just fine just like the doctor told me. I am seeing a bright future in front of me, the only hard part there is trying to get to that bright happy place and stop all this wallowing in self pity crap. Today begins the second leg of my New year pledge to myself and if you see me you will notice a considerable difference
But I can say that even though I am bitching about my life, there are those that don't even have a house to go to and food to eat so I at least have that going for me. Going to 24hr fitness to get myself into shape and feel healthy is really helping me, after seeing that I weighed in at 180lbs I was the furthest from pleased let me tell you. The only thing I really have to do is start seeing things as they will be and not as they are. I mean, I know I will not be here in this apartment cleaning up after jim my whole life (besides he will probably be dead of diabetes soon anyway the way he is taking care of himself) but I do think that is a lot of my problem is that I am dwelling upon too much of what has happened and not what will happen. I remember when I was in High School I didn't give a fuck what people thought of me or what I was doing, I was being myself and they would have to just deal. Somewhere along the line I guess I lost that edge.
Well I am bringing the edge back, see this problem was even seeping into my family life. I was constantly concerned with what they were thinking of me; that is just not good for a person to do. My wrist is going to heal, right now it is probably at 30% or so (my guess) and it will end up working just fine just like the doctor told me. I am seeing a bright future in front of me, the only hard part there is trying to get to that bright happy place and stop all this wallowing in self pity crap. Today begins the second leg of my New year pledge to myself and if you see me you will notice a considerable difference