did you know, sunday was my half birthday. woohoo.
you guys can skip this entry if you want, because i think it'll probably end up to be very long, very vague, and very hard to understand.
but if you're up to it, maybe you should read it, and see if you can get it.
so let's talk about something i never talk about. (SARCASM!)
let's talk about music.
but let's connect it to something i never, EVER talk about. (SARCASM!)
let's talk about using it to spiritually connect with people and surroundings.
so let's say i am feeling bummed, and i am thinking that social interaction would greatly improve the situation.
but it's late at night, so why would i have someone over this late, if it was not a sleepover, which it's obviously not, or i would not be bummed.
but then i listen to neutral milk hotel or the polyphonic spree, and if i close my eyes or space out, it's like they're next to me.
not even anyone in specific, it's more like, a genderless, faceless person, who has no voice, who says nothing, just sits, but we know. like, those times, when you don't even need to look at a friend you're with, or something. i dunno. they talk about it in books and movies a lot, and it happens a lot, but you never notice, because it's like talking in a regular conversation, but i dunno, it's just so much more beautiful than all that, because you know you can't say anything wrong, you can't stumble over your words, or say what comes into your mind that you think will sound right, but it turns out to be so awful, and you don't know what to do. it's like a siamese life-thread connecting your spirits through thought. one of those things where there's just mutual understanding.
i don't even know what the person who appears looks like, but i assume it looks like the thing from those jack in the box restaurant commercials, but not an asshole, and without a face.
and not a fast food mascot.
and wearing a business suit, i assume.
if i had one of those imaginary friends like in that cartoon network show, it would be someone with the jack-in-the box face i was just describing, and the cadet blue business suit, but you can only see the person through the corner of your eye, and even then, it's blurry; you just have to know it's there, and if you make eye contact, it vanishes, because that would shatter the plane of understanding i spent a whole paragraph describing. i mean, the spiritual connection does happen with eye contact, sometimes, probably more than without; it just doesn't happen with the music thing i'm talking about.
i dunno, it's just like everything that occurs in the music is every aspect of everyone i care about, rolled into one.
and that's a lot of people.
lately i've been extremely happy. extremely.
and i think maybe it's because i'm so concerned?
because it's more giddiness than happiness, i dunno.
joy. that's the word.
because i just worry about people a lot, like are they ok, am i forgetting anyone, is everyone safe, is anyone in trouble, does anyone need someone to talk to? i ask myself these questions each night as i go to sleep, while i'm contemplating the events of my day, what went well that i can do in the future, what should i never say again, etc.
and then i'm very often fearful, because i'm like, what if they're in a spot of trouble? can i help them? do they want help; is it possible to help them?
i dunno, i think about everyone i know like this, not obsessively like OMG WHAT ARE THEY DOING NOW, just their mental stability. their actions themselves are their business; i just don't want anyone to be in trouble, and i certainly don't want to put anyone into a position of trouble.
because all i really want is for everyone to be ok.
so the reason i am so joyful is because with each new conversation i have, it's a reminder that this person is either totally ok, or that i am able to talk to them about something troubling them.
and that, in turn, rests my concerns.
and everything seems to blossom into a thousand more things.
each aspect of life, whether it is something new and wonderful, or something routine and familiar, just seems to remind me of a lot of things, things i'd forgotten.
say i walk outside, and am surprised to feel sunlight on my arms and face.
and i'd forgotten the feeling of sunlight over the winter.
with just one second of the sunlight, a thousand other memories flood back to me, things i'd forgotten.
the smell of rain.
the feeling of ice against my mouth at the bottom of a glass of water.
the dew outside of that glass of water when it's hot.
the feeling of lying in the grass, with each blade seemingly pulling my weight further into the ground, connecting me to the earth, and yet simultaneously rising me up, slowly and quickly, to the skies, and also embracing each cell of my being, like a million tiny hugs, saying that things are alright around me, too.
running into the shade of a tree, and discussing fantastical things with a bunch of friends.
it's all so beautiful, and it all happens in one moment.
and then when that moment is up, and i regain the knowledge, then there's another wonderful thing, and a thousand more things come rushing back to greet me with a familiar smile.
i just love everyone.
a lot.
like, i can't even describe.
sometimes i get head rushes, because i'm so flooded with love for everyone and everything around me. i try to express it through smiles and laughs and hugs, but i'm not sure it's getting through. just know that if you exist and you are able to embrace the sheer beauty of the fact that we're here, that we exist, i love you very, very, very, very much.
each thing in our lives, just the fact that we have lives, guys, is just such an amazing, amazing thing.
and i think that maybe if i keep up with this, and we all have just universal love, we may achieve happiness.
but we have to try.
have you guys ever tried being happy?
truly, happy?
enveloping yourself in each incredible thing that happens in your existence, in our shared existence and mentality?
not stopping to question it, not discussing nuclear bombs, or hunger?
no words of hatred, and you just...
know?
but if you're up to it, maybe you should read it, and see if you can get it.
so let's talk about something i never talk about. (SARCASM!)
let's talk about music.
but let's connect it to something i never, EVER talk about. (SARCASM!)
let's talk about using it to spiritually connect with people and surroundings.
so let's say i am feeling bummed, and i am thinking that social interaction would greatly improve the situation.
but it's late at night, so why would i have someone over this late, if it was not a sleepover, which it's obviously not, or i would not be bummed.
but then i listen to neutral milk hotel or the polyphonic spree, and if i close my eyes or space out, it's like they're next to me.
not even anyone in specific, it's more like, a genderless, faceless person, who has no voice, who says nothing, just sits, but we know. like, those times, when you don't even need to look at a friend you're with, or something. i dunno. they talk about it in books and movies a lot, and it happens a lot, but you never notice, because it's like talking in a regular conversation, but i dunno, it's just so much more beautiful than all that, because you know you can't say anything wrong, you can't stumble over your words, or say what comes into your mind that you think will sound right, but it turns out to be so awful, and you don't know what to do. it's like a siamese life-thread connecting your spirits through thought. one of those things where there's just mutual understanding.
i don't even know what the person who appears looks like, but i assume it looks like the thing from those jack in the box restaurant commercials, but not an asshole, and without a face.
and not a fast food mascot.
and wearing a business suit, i assume.
if i had one of those imaginary friends like in that cartoon network show, it would be someone with the jack-in-the box face i was just describing, and the cadet blue business suit, but you can only see the person through the corner of your eye, and even then, it's blurry; you just have to know it's there, and if you make eye contact, it vanishes, because that would shatter the plane of understanding i spent a whole paragraph describing. i mean, the spiritual connection does happen with eye contact, sometimes, probably more than without; it just doesn't happen with the music thing i'm talking about.
i dunno, it's just like everything that occurs in the music is every aspect of everyone i care about, rolled into one.
and that's a lot of people.
lately i've been extremely happy. extremely.
and i think maybe it's because i'm so concerned?
because it's more giddiness than happiness, i dunno.
joy. that's the word.
because i just worry about people a lot, like are they ok, am i forgetting anyone, is everyone safe, is anyone in trouble, does anyone need someone to talk to? i ask myself these questions each night as i go to sleep, while i'm contemplating the events of my day, what went well that i can do in the future, what should i never say again, etc.
and then i'm very often fearful, because i'm like, what if they're in a spot of trouble? can i help them? do they want help; is it possible to help them?
i dunno, i think about everyone i know like this, not obsessively like OMG WHAT ARE THEY DOING NOW, just their mental stability. their actions themselves are their business; i just don't want anyone to be in trouble, and i certainly don't want to put anyone into a position of trouble.
because all i really want is for everyone to be ok.
so the reason i am so joyful is because with each new conversation i have, it's a reminder that this person is either totally ok, or that i am able to talk to them about something troubling them.
and that, in turn, rests my concerns.
and everything seems to blossom into a thousand more things.
each aspect of life, whether it is something new and wonderful, or something routine and familiar, just seems to remind me of a lot of things, things i'd forgotten.
say i walk outside, and am surprised to feel sunlight on my arms and face.
and i'd forgotten the feeling of sunlight over the winter.
with just one second of the sunlight, a thousand other memories flood back to me, things i'd forgotten.
the smell of rain.
the feeling of ice against my mouth at the bottom of a glass of water.
the dew outside of that glass of water when it's hot.
the feeling of lying in the grass, with each blade seemingly pulling my weight further into the ground, connecting me to the earth, and yet simultaneously rising me up, slowly and quickly, to the skies, and also embracing each cell of my being, like a million tiny hugs, saying that things are alright around me, too.
running into the shade of a tree, and discussing fantastical things with a bunch of friends.
it's all so beautiful, and it all happens in one moment.
and then when that moment is up, and i regain the knowledge, then there's another wonderful thing, and a thousand more things come rushing back to greet me with a familiar smile.
i just love everyone.
a lot.
like, i can't even describe.
sometimes i get head rushes, because i'm so flooded with love for everyone and everything around me. i try to express it through smiles and laughs and hugs, but i'm not sure it's getting through. just know that if you exist and you are able to embrace the sheer beauty of the fact that we're here, that we exist, i love you very, very, very, very much.
each thing in our lives, just the fact that we have lives, guys, is just such an amazing, amazing thing.
and i think that maybe if i keep up with this, and we all have just universal love, we may achieve happiness.
but we have to try.
have you guys ever tried being happy?
truly, happy?
enveloping yourself in each incredible thing that happens in your existence, in our shared existence and mentality?
not stopping to question it, not discussing nuclear bombs, or hunger?
no words of hatred, and you just...
know?