An Open Letter
Dear People Who Have Sex,
I was just hoping you could clear some things up for me. First, is it really all it's cracked up to be? I mean, everyone says it is. But honestly my roommates have enough UTIs and yeast infections to fill a truck. Both are apparently from too much sex. Problem?
Second, how long can you go without sex? According to my roommates, once you "break the seal" you can't go back to not having sex. You'll get really nasty, moody, and so sexually frustrated you can do nothing but complain constantly about how long its been since you've had sex. (In the case of my roommates, this is usually measured in days that do not number a week.) Is it possible to go a few months? Say, 3 or 4, then a week of "God I missed you" sex, then another 3 months? I feel like you would certainly miss the person but would you really go insane without it? Will you start howling at the moon and be unable to function as a normal person? I'm just curious. Because I personally feel like self-control goes a long way in most facets of life, but you seem to think I'm crazy and obviously don't understand for suggesting that.
Third, what the fuck is so wrong with being a virgin? In your eyes I seem to be half a person, since I can't share stories or positions or complaints about how long it's been. So I'd like to know, does having sex really make you that much more superior? Because I think that's pretty lame. If you can juggle 8 tennis balls while running an 8-minute mile, then you're superior to me. But just because you can stick a penis into a vagina or wherever else you want to stick whatever else...doesn't seem that complicated. We have a saying in my family: "It's amazing what you can accomplish with unskilled labor." Every mammal (minus a platypus, I know) has sexual intercourse. Squirrels and deer that are too stupid to avoid a car or bicycle can have sex. Rats have sex. If rats and koala bears and guinea pigs and moose can have sex, I don't think it's really that difficult. It's probably not the amazing skill you think it is. ...Just as an FYI.
Therefore, I refuse to accept your condescention.
My decision to stay a virgin is well-informed and to be completely honest, I think it's the right one. Saving sex for marriage is my choice. And it's my choice because when I stand in front of God and everybody and say "You're the only one I want to love, forever" there should be a corresponding level of physical closeness. And that level is called sex. So you can say all you want about "Well if you're in a committed loving relationship" (Which I am) and "If you know you're going to get married anyways" or "I just want to make sure that my future spouse isn't bad at it" (WTF?). That's your call. Right, wrong, or somewhere in between, it's your call. But would you please stop trying to make me feel so inferior just because I don't have sex?
Sincerely,
MaryClaire
ps...I'd like to say "Fuck you," but I feel that would be a little too ironic...
I was just hoping you could clear some things up for me. First, is it really all it's cracked up to be? I mean, everyone says it is. But honestly my roommates have enough UTIs and yeast infections to fill a truck. Both are apparently from too much sex. Problem?
Second, how long can you go without sex? According to my roommates, once you "break the seal" you can't go back to not having sex. You'll get really nasty, moody, and so sexually frustrated you can do nothing but complain constantly about how long its been since you've had sex. (In the case of my roommates, this is usually measured in days that do not number a week.) Is it possible to go a few months? Say, 3 or 4, then a week of "God I missed you" sex, then another 3 months? I feel like you would certainly miss the person but would you really go insane without it? Will you start howling at the moon and be unable to function as a normal person? I'm just curious. Because I personally feel like self-control goes a long way in most facets of life, but you seem to think I'm crazy and obviously don't understand for suggesting that.
Third, what the fuck is so wrong with being a virgin? In your eyes I seem to be half a person, since I can't share stories or positions or complaints about how long it's been. So I'd like to know, does having sex really make you that much more superior? Because I think that's pretty lame. If you can juggle 8 tennis balls while running an 8-minute mile, then you're superior to me. But just because you can stick a penis into a vagina or wherever else you want to stick whatever else...doesn't seem that complicated. We have a saying in my family: "It's amazing what you can accomplish with unskilled labor." Every mammal (minus a platypus, I know) has sexual intercourse. Squirrels and deer that are too stupid to avoid a car or bicycle can have sex. Rats have sex. If rats and koala bears and guinea pigs and moose can have sex, I don't think it's really that difficult. It's probably not the amazing skill you think it is. ...Just as an FYI.
Therefore, I refuse to accept your condescention.
My decision to stay a virgin is well-informed and to be completely honest, I think it's the right one. Saving sex for marriage is my choice. And it's my choice because when I stand in front of God and everybody and say "You're the only one I want to love, forever" there should be a corresponding level of physical closeness. And that level is called sex. So you can say all you want about "Well if you're in a committed loving relationship" (Which I am) and "If you know you're going to get married anyways" or "I just want to make sure that my future spouse isn't bad at it" (WTF?). That's your call. Right, wrong, or somewhere in between, it's your call. But would you please stop trying to make me feel so inferior just because I don't have sex?
Sincerely,
MaryClaire
ps...I'd like to say "Fuck you," but I feel that would be a little too ironic...