The Truth Is... ("Warning Sign" Challenge)
Title: The Truth Is...
Author: musicalfreak86
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: At journal.
Summary: Callie's POV, set at least a few months after Erica left Seattle Grace.
***
I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I screwed up so badly. I always know I was the queen of mistakes and bad decisions, but I never thought it could go this wrong.
When we first started, I was walking on air. Our first real kiss in the parking lot is one of my favorite memories, and I return to it often. Even though we avoided each other like the plague for two weeks after, the memory of that kiss kept me on a cloud.
The thought of you kept me going.
Even on our first date, when I thought I might just pass out from nerves, I could push through it all because in the end, you were there waiting for me.
But then you spoke the word I had been avoiding; you embraced the identity I had been denying. You declared yourself gay and were excited. My happy bubble burst, and panic blinded me. I turned to Mark for answers and left you alone and wondering what happened. I felt there should be a reason. I felt that it should be different with you. And it was. I was just too clueless to see it. While I was looking for a physical difference, I missed the huge emotional difference between my relationship with you and my relationship with Mark.
I am an open person. I told you that at the bar ages ago. I don't keep things bottled up. But instead of being open with you, I was open with Mark. It hurt you, but somehow, I still didn't realize. And I kick myself for that every day.
I'm being open with you now. I don't care who knows anymore. I'm being open, and I'm telling you in my loudest voice.
I screwed up. I screwed up so badly that you can probably never forgive me. But I miss you so much. You're on my mind every second of every day, and I constantly wish I could turn back time and fix everything I broke.
I was afraid. What we were doing was new, going against everything I had known growing up. And I let something wonderful pass me by as a result.
You were my safe place. Not Mark. You were my island, and I let you go.
I wonder, after all this time, have you changed? I have, for what I hope is the better. Are you still the same strong woman I knew and realized I loved after it was too late? Would you take me back into your arms and allow me to feel safe again?
Because I miss feeling safe.
Author: musicalfreak86
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: At journal.
Summary: Callie's POV, set at least a few months after Erica left Seattle Grace.
***
I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I screwed up so badly. I always know I was the queen of mistakes and bad decisions, but I never thought it could go this wrong.
When we first started, I was walking on air. Our first real kiss in the parking lot is one of my favorite memories, and I return to it often. Even though we avoided each other like the plague for two weeks after, the memory of that kiss kept me on a cloud.
The thought of you kept me going.
Even on our first date, when I thought I might just pass out from nerves, I could push through it all because in the end, you were there waiting for me.
But then you spoke the word I had been avoiding; you embraced the identity I had been denying. You declared yourself gay and were excited. My happy bubble burst, and panic blinded me. I turned to Mark for answers and left you alone and wondering what happened. I felt there should be a reason. I felt that it should be different with you. And it was. I was just too clueless to see it. While I was looking for a physical difference, I missed the huge emotional difference between my relationship with you and my relationship with Mark.
I am an open person. I told you that at the bar ages ago. I don't keep things bottled up. But instead of being open with you, I was open with Mark. It hurt you, but somehow, I still didn't realize. And I kick myself for that every day.
I'm being open with you now. I don't care who knows anymore. I'm being open, and I'm telling you in my loudest voice.
I screwed up. I screwed up so badly that you can probably never forgive me. But I miss you so much. You're on my mind every second of every day, and I constantly wish I could turn back time and fix everything I broke.
I was afraid. What we were doing was new, going against everything I had known growing up. And I let something wonderful pass me by as a result.
You were my safe place. Not Mark. You were my island, and I let you go.
I wonder, after all this time, have you changed? I have, for what I hope is the better. Are you still the same strong woman I knew and realized I loved after it was too late? Would you take me back into your arms and allow me to feel safe again?
Because I miss feeling safe.