Shattered
I'm completely fucking shattered. I'm broken into a million pieces. It's been obvious that Graham didn't know what love was so I tried to gear him into the light. Well, he realized what I already knew... that he didn't love me yet and he might not ever get there. Unfortunately, I'm already 90% there. He won't know that until he reads this though and then I know he'll be all disappointed that I couldn't tell him that myself but in the end it's saving me from crying to him on the phone. I don't want to make him feel bad because he can't fucking help how he does or doesn't feel. Sometimes hurting the ones you care about is the only choice you have. I know he's not breaking up with me but he might and that scares me. (Graham if you do read this I don't want this to sway a decision either way I just want you to do what's in your heart. That's what's important.)
I know that I shouldn't be jealous but I am of Danielle. She has him and I know that and I can see it. He might not realize it yet but he want her. Deep down you can tell. (Danielle if you can read this, I have nothing against you. I know you want him. If it's in your wills, then let it be done.) I'm tired of playing all these mind games. I'm tired of having to pick up the pieces of my shattered existance. Existing is becoming too painful. Sometimes I wish that I could have the courage to just fucking end it. I know there are better times ahead but how many fucking crappy times in between are there going to be? 10? 100? Well the few I've had so far are crushing me. The next time I don't think I'll be able to put the fucking puzzle back together.
I know that I shouldn't be jealous but I am of Danielle. She has him and I know that and I can see it. He might not realize it yet but he want her. Deep down you can tell. (Danielle if you can read this, I have nothing against you. I know you want him. If it's in your wills, then let it be done.) I'm tired of playing all these mind games. I'm tired of having to pick up the pieces of my shattered existance. Existing is becoming too painful. Sometimes I wish that I could have the courage to just fucking end it. I know there are better times ahead but how many fucking crappy times in between are there going to be? 10? 100? Well the few I've had so far are crushing me. The next time I don't think I'll be able to put the fucking puzzle back together.