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[mushyme]

so yah im still here...i know i havent written in here in forever....but now i actually have stuff to write about...i really am just here to vent i hope that is ok with everyone...so yah the last week or so i haev really had a ton of time to think....thinking gets you depressed and that is where i am now...i dont want this entry to make anyone feel

Comments

[strberrieblonde]

Michelle... At one point you were my best friend. I know you had Whitney and I had some other ppl...but in all seriousness you were my best friend. I knew that I couold always count on you. and we were kinda liek one person. Us and the volvo. we had sooo much fun. You opened up completely to me just I like I opened up completely to you. I know you think I took that info and shoved it in your face. I also know that you thik I did what all the toher girls did. pRomised they wouldn't leave yo for a boy...and yeah. I did. I broke one of biggest promises. something I rarley do. It took me forever to finally admit to myslef that I betrayed you like that...i did. But I want to be different than all those other girls. I want to come back. I want to be best friends again. The kind that when I walk outside we dont have to say anything. You just give me a hug because you know somehitng is wrong. or when you get back from a date I am one of the first ppl to call. The kind that if someone ever hurt me I could call you at anytime. the kind that I

[mushyme]

lexi...we were best friends but that was the past...i wish things could be the same i really wish they could...we had something amazing between the two of us...and yes i miss it..but lex i know you see waht you did you understand it you want to change it..i want that so bad..but you of all people know waht i have been through and yes none of them have left and come back but its so hard to think that i can let you back in and that it can be the same as it always has been...it hurts me to know that you and i both want to be best friends again..but i dont think my heart can let me..as much as i love you and as much as i care and want it so bad..i jsut dont think my heart can handle it..we had that connection that you dont usually find...we did lex...and tahts waht you have to understand...i know im just saying this stuff so freely but i have been thinking...reading waht you wrote over and over and over again...and im just trying to push away the tears and really let you know how i feel..im sorry i havent called..im not sure yet if i can

[strberrieblonde]

I don't thik what you just said was fair. I just set all my feelings aside and tended to everything that I did wrong. You did some stuff wrong too. And I let that go. I understand that What I did was prolly not as bad but I let my wall down. so you could come back in. and you just completely shut me down. I dont know what you are trying to figure out between us. I dont get it. I kept trying to call you. all the time. and you never picked up. thats fine. But form what you just said.. I fee like putting my wall back up. Im done calling. thats fine. You you can't make me feel guilty and tell people I never tried. because I have. And you wont let me. thats is fine. but you have to be fair. and what you just said is wrong. You wont always be there. your not now. you said yourself you can't handle it. im sorry that is how it is unna be. But that finally made me understand that. thi is how it is gunna hvae to be. I can't be frend with someone that wont ever let this go. I can't always feel guilty. beleieve me. I payed my price with the whole

[mushyme]

alexis...i have the right to not want to be fair...yah you opened back up to me and yah i want to but its my heart that has been hurt that its goign to be hard..i want to try i want to make things right..things have been rough right now and i took it out on you inm sorry..i forgive you and i did along time ago...its just going to take time for me to actually open myself back up again..i dont want it to be the way it is now..i want it to try or start being back to waht it was...lexi i have seen you change...i have seen you with the new crowd you hang with..you think your the only one who has cried over this..not true..i have drained myself of tears that all i have now is anger...and im sorry...