Kids, Family, Being a Mother
This started out as a reply to a friend, but as I went on I realized I should just make it its own entry.
My friend wrote:
A few people have told me that I'd make a good parent, and when I tell them I don't want kids they ask me, "really?". I don't want kids for so many reasons. ... I really have trouble wrapping my head around the idea of my own flesh and blood growing up and still being mine, my son or daughter, my thing that I raised. I can't... raise a human. It just doesn't flow with me. I don't want kids.
The kid thing: Yeah. Totally. I want to be Morgan, whatever that means. I don't want to be "So-and-so's Mom." People tell me I'd make a great mother. I would. I'd be a fucking great mom. I love nurturing my friends, making them lunches, making them breakfast, tucking them in, writing them notes to make their days better. I love hugs and kisses and cuddling. I love talking about our problems and and our days and our dreams. In The Band, I'm a mom (they've nicknamed me the manager, lol). Last year, with my older and younger classmates, people called me Mom. They didn't do it in a negative way, they liked having someone to lean on, and felt like someone was looking out for them, without looking down on them, like a flesh parent would do.
I've had a lot of customers tell me "[I]'ll make a great mother someday." I know it would be true if I wanted that. But I know that I change my mind a lot, and that I am very selfish. I would wind up having a breakdown and want to stop playing Mom. I don't want a husband. Although I crave stability, I won't likely have that with my line of work, and I HATE complacency. I just don't like being with one person for a lengthy amount of time. I don't want to feel obligated, or to feel committed. Sure, I like feeling needed and wanted, and I like other people being committed to me, and I like being committed somewhat, but I can't feel obligated, or as if certain things are expected of me.
I need to feel free, and you just can't do that with kids/a spouse. (With some exception, i.e. polyamory or a very, very unique person that you don't mind committing to.)
I'd much rather be an aunt or fairy god-mum. Take the kid(s) for a while, corrupt them, have them think I'm super cool and when the punks get snotty, ship 'em home. Then let 'em runaway to my house when the going gets tough, talk to them about the tough stuff, provide a safe haven for them to try things out, provide them a safe place to talk, a secure shoulder to cry on when they get dumped, and finally, a loving home to come into when they need anything. I don't want obligation, but I sure do want to provide.
I'll just do this with my friends though, if kids don't ever enter the picture. We'll have sleepovers, brunches, feasts, parties, movie nights, dinner dates and luncheons. You gotta make your own family. I'm in the middle of doing that now, I guess.
The Band is this. My Family is going to expand with college, and it's expanded with my Rites guys, and it may continue with Contra folks. I look forward to having an apartment of my own someday and providing some Family Time. I have a lot to give.
My friend wrote:
A few people have told me that I'd make a good parent, and when I tell them I don't want kids they ask me, "really?". I don't want kids for so many reasons. ... I really have trouble wrapping my head around the idea of my own flesh and blood growing up and still being mine, my son or daughter, my thing that I raised. I can't... raise a human. It just doesn't flow with me. I don't want kids.
The kid thing: Yeah. Totally. I want to be Morgan, whatever that means. I don't want to be "So-and-so's Mom." People tell me I'd make a great mother. I would. I'd be a fucking great mom. I love nurturing my friends, making them lunches, making them breakfast, tucking them in, writing them notes to make their days better. I love hugs and kisses and cuddling. I love talking about our problems and and our days and our dreams. In The Band, I'm a mom (they've nicknamed me the manager, lol). Last year, with my older and younger classmates, people called me Mom. They didn't do it in a negative way, they liked having someone to lean on, and felt like someone was looking out for them, without looking down on them, like a flesh parent would do.
I've had a lot of customers tell me "[I]'ll make a great mother someday." I know it would be true if I wanted that. But I know that I change my mind a lot, and that I am very selfish. I would wind up having a breakdown and want to stop playing Mom. I don't want a husband. Although I crave stability, I won't likely have that with my line of work, and I HATE complacency. I just don't like being with one person for a lengthy amount of time. I don't want to feel obligated, or to feel committed. Sure, I like feeling needed and wanted, and I like other people being committed to me, and I like being committed somewhat, but I can't feel obligated, or as if certain things are expected of me.
I need to feel free, and you just can't do that with kids/a spouse. (With some exception, i.e. polyamory or a very, very unique person that you don't mind committing to.)
I'd much rather be an aunt or fairy god-mum. Take the kid(s) for a while, corrupt them, have them think I'm super cool and when the punks get snotty, ship 'em home. Then let 'em runaway to my house when the going gets tough, talk to them about the tough stuff, provide a safe haven for them to try things out, provide them a safe place to talk, a secure shoulder to cry on when they get dumped, and finally, a loving home to come into when they need anything. I don't want obligation, but I sure do want to provide.
I'll just do this with my friends though, if kids don't ever enter the picture. We'll have sleepovers, brunches, feasts, parties, movie nights, dinner dates and luncheons. You gotta make your own family. I'm in the middle of doing that now, I guess.
The Band is this. My Family is going to expand with college, and it's expanded with my Rites guys, and it may continue with Contra folks. I look forward to having an apartment of my own someday and providing some Family Time. I have a lot to give.