i wandered around and finally found somebody who
Oh my god this is the longest post ever. It is riCOCKulously long and I've had quite a bit of caffeine, so I don't even know if it makes sense. But given the state of my brain - this morning I woke up from a dream where Superman and Batman got secretly married - no, I don't know why - I mean, why it was a secret - I'm sure they got married so they could more easily have stupidly acrobatic mansex and also for tax purposes - but whatever the reason, when I woke up, I actually said out loud, "That is the stupidest plan I have ever heard." And considering I've watched Angel, Firefly, and Supernatural, so I know from bad plans, that's saying something. - I don't think I could have ever guaranteed sense-making, so...
On with the hilarity!
My answers to the character/questions meme:
My list of characters:
1. Mal Reynolds (Firefly)
2. Cordelia Chase (BtVS/Ats)
3. Kara "Starbuck" Thrace (BSG)
4. Dan Rydell (Sports Night)
5. Veronica Mars (Vmars)
6. Dick Grayson (DCU)
7. Alec Hardison (Leverage)
8. Sokka (AtLA)
9. Toph Bei Fong (AtLA)
10. Dean Winchester (SPN)
11. Wendy Watson (The Middleman)
12. Sam Winchester (SPN)
13. Tami Taylor (FNL)
14. Olivia Dunham (Fringe)
15. Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds)
Your list of wacky requests:
For
marina Sokka and Starbuck have stolen a car and are on the run together. What happened? Sokka was just shopping minding his own business when this crazy woman in a jeep came speeding along, shooting at some Cylons. She looked like she needed help, so Sokka used Boomerang to bring down a few Centurions, and then he got cornered by the others, and she knocked 'em down with the jeep and told him to hop on in if he wanted to live. Sokka really, really did. So now they’re on the run from the Cylons, up in the mountains outside of Caprica City, and Sokka really misses home, where all he had to worry about were megalomaniacal firebenders, and his sister and Toph fighting.
For redrikki Dan Rydell, Alec Hardison & Olivia Dunham in a hostage situation. Well, the FBI got wise to whatever heist the Leverage crew was pulling off, and since it involved tech from the Other Side, they sent in the Fringe team. Hardison is not happy that he’s in the middle of a hostage situation while Eliot is sitting back in the van. Olivia attempts to keep the suspected shapeshifter/hostage-taker from killing anyone or escaping back to Walternate with whatever tech it is that’s hidden in the bank vault. Unbeknownst to her, Parker has already stolen it, so our side is safe. For the moment. Dan just hadn't been in a bank in a long time and felt the need to make a deposit in person for the first time in ages. Just his luck to get caught in a hostage situation.
For executrix Toph Bei Fong and Sam Winchester have to make something for the Bake Sale. What do they decide to make and how did it turn out? *dies laughing* Oh my god. These will be the worst cookies ever! Sam gets all moody thinking about how Jess baked chocolate chip cookies for him right before she died, and it’s his fault she’s dead, so he insists they can’t make those and Toph is like, "I have to have a baked good because I have to make money! The only thing I know how to bake is chocolate chip cookies, so we are baking them! Your manpain means nothing to me!" And they come out horrible, because neither Toph nor Sam can actually follow directions, so Sam calls Dean and Dean buys a roll of Pillsbury slice and bake cookies and it all works out fine in the end, except they don’t sell any cookies, so Toph makes Sam give her the money she would have earned if he hadn’t ruined her baked goods. Sam is happy to do so, if it means the kid will stop mocking him.
For
angelgazing Sam Winchester and Dan Rydell are trying to piece together the night before. WHAT DID THEY DO? (And, bonus: HOW DID THEY END UP HERE?) Dean always puts on Sports Night when there’s nothing good on, so Sam recognizes Dan in the bar. He just wants to tell Dan that he and Dean enjoy the show, but somehow, they end up doing shots of Jack and the next thing Sam knows, Dan is telling him about how his little brother was also named Sam and he was a genius but now he’s dead and it’s all Dan’s fault, and Sam is like, dude, if I wanted to hear confessions of big brotherly inadequacy, I’d have stayed in the motel room with Dean. But he can’t actually say that, so he orders another round of shots, and that’s where things start to get blurry. But Sam’s pretty sure nobody taped them fucking on the balcony of Dan’s hotel room, but he can’t guarantee there isn’t video footage of Dan blowing him in the elevator.
For
ranalore Alec Hardison and Tami Taylor end up at a theme park. Which one, and what do they do while there? They’re at Six Flags Over Texas, obviously. First, Hardison has to ask her to stop calling him Voodoo even though he apparently looks like some kid her husband coached once. She seems like a nice white lady, but that’s just racist, yo, and she apologizes and after about twenty minutes of awkward silence, she asks him if he wants any funnel cake, and he says, “I thought you’d never ask!” and they eat funnel cake and then they go on the Tilt-a-Whirl, but Hardison doesn’t really like spinny rides, so he’s feeling a little queasy after, so Tami buys him a ginger ale, and then he wins her a big giant stuffed animal at that game where you shoot water into the clowns’ mouths, because that’s not like real shooting, that’s just like videogame shooting. So they end the day friends, and when he gets home, Hardison diverts some funds from Joe McCoy’s account into East Dillon’s textbook fund.
For ignipes Cordelia Chase, Dan Rydell, Dick Grayson, and Sokka are stuck in a remote, deserted island in some cold, unpleasant place. Who offers to cuddle for warmth? Who offers to go kill a walrus for food? How do they survive? Cordelia and Dan, neither of whom are particularly outdoorsy types, immediately cuddle up to Dick, who is able to start a fire and keep it going while Sokka volunteers to go hunting. Sokka is, amazingly enough, from the South Pole, so he knows how to hunt in cold, desolate conditions, and they survive because Sokka is awesome, and Dick doesn’t mind bundling for warmth.
For
akamarykate Mal Reynolds, Toph Bei Fong, and Wendy Watson are planning a heist. What are they going to steal, and from whom? Some kind of crazy government tech (no doubt invented by Walter Bishop and currently in production at Massive Dynamic) that will send Mal back to the future, Toph back to Ba Sing Se, and Wendy home to her own universe.
For writingpathways Mal Reynolds and Penelope Garcia find themselves locked in a closet. There is some groping and giggling and Mal swears he never touched her! Well, okay, but she started it! 'Tweren't gentlemanly to refuse such a pretty lady. Garcia walks around looking smug for weeks.
Tami Taylor and Olivia Dunham are stuck in a traffic jam on the hottest ever! Because they are ridiculously awesome ladies, they have packed lots of cold beverages, and it turns out they even share similar taste in music, so they just hang out and drink iced tea and listen to James Taylor until the traffic clears up.
Cordelia Chase and Dan Rydell are set up on a blind date by Wendy Watson. Cordy and Dan hit it off tremendously well, and Dan actually takes the whole thing about demons and vampires being real a lot better than either Cordy or Wendy would have expected. Cordy asks Wendy to stand up for her at the wedding, which is held in Vegas after they team up to kill some zombies at the Bellagio.
Kara Thrace and Veronica Mars find themselves at Hogwarts. Ah, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, though Kara thinks she belongs in Hufflepuff and Veronica wants to be a Ravenclaw. They team up to confound everyone’s expectations and Filch is exposed as the creepy perv that he is.
Dick Grayson, Alec Hardison, and Sokka are stranded on a deserted island. There is no rum. No rum, but that is an awful lot of snark and pretty. I’m sure they would survive, though Hardison would miss the internet, the sex he’s getting on the island is better than any porn he’s ever seen. I mean, have you seen how flexible Dick is? And Sokka’s pretty cute, too. And anyway, Hardison knows what's what, even if Dick's keeping his secret ID on the DL, so Hardison's pretty sure they're going to get rescued sooner rather than later. Hopefully Sokka and Dick will stop comparing Boomerang to batarangs before he has to gag them. (To say nothing of space swords, which Hardison wishes they would - say nothing that is. All this talk of weaponry makes him miss Eliot. And Hardison likes hearing them talk during sex too much to be fond of gags.) Of course, Hardison's not expecting the bald kid or the flying bison. Even Dick seemed surprised at that one.
For
soupytwist Cordelia Chase, Tami Taylor, and Dick Grayson got arrested. What was the crime? Who shopped them in? And who actually committed it? I think Cordelia and Tami would agree that the only crimes committed here are Dick’s offenses against fashion and good taste in the costume department. Not that they mind how...form-fitting his suit is, but really, spandex? That’s so 90s.
Alec Hardison and Toph Bei Fong got into a fight - what about, and who stops it? It’s about who ate the last of the Cheetos and put the empty bag back into the cabinet. (it was Toph, for the record.) The fight stops when Hardison promises to buy them each their own bag of Cheetos ("and yes, Toph, I take back what I said about not getting you any Mountain Dew ever again"), after Toph threatens to metal-bend his computers into statuary.
If Dean Winchester was going to get stuck on a desert island with one of the others, who would they pick and why? Dean would assess the lovely ladies in the lineup, but he would always, always, always choose to be stranded with Sam. How is that even a question? And Sam, for all that he rolls his eyes and mocks Dean, wouldn’t have it any other way. *smishes them*
Penelope Garcia made themselves something yummy for dinner, and put in the fridge, and when they return IT HAS DISAPPEARED. They suspect Veronica Mars - are they right? Yes, but Veronica didn’t eat it herself-- she brought it over to Wallace’s because he’s got the flu and he never eats right to begin with. Once she explains that to Garcia, Garcia totally cooks enough for all three of them.
For
glass_icarus Kara Thrace and Alec Hardison get married while extremely drunk. What are their reactions the day after it happens? Kara shrugs and lets it stand - Hardison is hot, even if he’s a little too into machines for her comfort. Hardison falls down on his knees and thanks whatever gods exist that he ever got so lucky.
Veronica Mars and Sam Winchester have a cook-off! What do they make, and whose food does the judging panel (Mal Reynolds, Cordelia Chase, and Sokka) like better? Poor Sam. He can’t win for losing in the kitchen. He thinks he’s totally screwed when Veronica makes snickerdoodles, which totally wins Sokka over, but then Sam fries up some cheeseburgers and the combination of meat and grease gets both Sokka and Mal on his side, and Cordelia is totally cutting carbs this week anyway, so in a shocking turn of events, Sam wins! (Don't worry, though, after the judges leave, he makes it up to Veronica all night, if you know what I mean.)
For
athenejen Wendy Watson is haunting Dean Winchester, what is he/she/it trying to get Dean to do? She’s trying to recruit him as the next Middleboy? *snicker* No, seriously, Wendy is trying to tell him that the Batter of the Bulge Pancake House is bursting with demons and they’ve converted the coin-operated Gutwrencher I machine into some kind of infernal torture device, and he and Sam need to go clean the place up! Sadly, Dean just alternates between hitting on her and trying to set her bones on fire.
Toph and Olivia get sent back in time accidentally. Where do they end up and what do they do when they get there? It doesn’t matter when they end up, Toph and Olivia PWN ALL WITH THEIR COMBINED AWESOME! They end up ruling the world. It’s an accident, but when you’re as awesome as Toph and Olivia are, these things just kind of happen.
For
loveandthetruth Sokka, Dan, Dick, and Tami somehow manage to bring the ceiling down in a semi-public restroom. Sokka, Dan, and Dick kept in touch after their time stranded on that island, and sometimes Sokka shows up to help Dick fight crime (Dick, needless to say, never tells Sokka that he doesn’t need the help) and giant robot dogs attack the NFL draft, where Tami (and Eric) are with Vince, when some kind of interdimensional wormhole opens up - it’s Aang, Katara, and Appa looking for Sokka. Unfortunately, Appa’s aim was slightly off and he caves in the ceiling of the rest room while the others are waiting on line to use it.
Garcia, Veronica and Mal. Movie night or variation thereof. Does not end well. Garcia invites Mal back to the apartment she’s sharing with Veronica for movie night, but Mal freaks out when he discovers that Garcia is a Fed, and Veronica has to threaten to tase him to get him to go away peaceably. Then she and Garcia settle on the couch with a bottle of wine, some chocolate hazelnut ice cream, and the latest season of Fringe. They both love Olivia but mock the FBI aspects of the show.
Hardison and Kara want to spend some time together alone. Anyone (or everyone) interrupts. A lot. Well, they are newlyweds, after all. Which Lee can’t stand, and Parker can’t understand, and Anders wonders when he signed on for polygamy, and Eliot wants to spar with Starbuck and Sophie wants to exchange hair care tips, and then Baltar shows up wanting to discuss networking with Hardison, until finally, they put on such a lewd display of public affection that even Baltar gets embarrassed and leaves. (He hits on Parker, who shoots him down, and he acts like he doesn’t care and spreads rumors that she’s a Cylon.)
For
hradzka boomerANG releases their eponymous first album, and their first chart-topping song is a searing ode to Miranda, who makes you wanna lay down and die (We’ve got Mal on lead guitar, Sokka on bass, Dan on drums, and Garcia on vocals. You know you wanna hear them tear it up.)
For dancinguniverse Mal and Sokka find they've both been stood up at the same bar, and pass the time together. Oh, they start out complaining about the perfidy of women and after a few fingers of whiskey, end up forming a band.
Cordelia, Sam, and Tami are running from the fuzz. Sam is the most experienced at this, so he tries to keep the other two from freaking out, but all Tami wants to do is call Eric and find out how Gracie Belle is doing, and all Cordelia wants to do is mock. Sam seriously considers turning them both in (oh! Perhaps that’s what happens above and Dick is just an unrelated bystander caught up in Sam’s desperate flight for freedom!)
Dan and Dean vie for Dick's attention. um. Um. *brain stutters and dies* Oh, my. I don’t think any of these guys are averse to sharing, so there’s really no vying going on so much as a game of “can you top this?” and they certainly can. In all meanings of the phrase. Ahem. I’ll be in my bunk.
For
lizzy_someone Mal and Tami are teacher and student. Which is which, and what does the teacher(/professor) teach? Ms. Taylor was Mal’s favorite teacher back on Shadow. He didn’t have much use for book learning then (or now), but she made poetry interesting, made him want to read it out loud to her after class.
For cmattg Garcia starts to ask Starbuck out on a date, only for Starbuck to ask Garcia's help in getting a date with Sokka. How does Garcia react and if they offer help, what kind? Well, Garcia’s in a band with Sokka, and if Starbuck is into guys instead of girls (and Garcia’s not sure she believes that, but whatever), she never really had a chance anyway, so the least she can do is help a sister out. Garcia just cuts right to the chase and tells Sokka about it. Sokka knows how Garcia feels about Starbuck, though, so he’s hesitant. He suggests a threesome to Kara, who says, “Why didn’t I think of that?” and then they have happy threesome sex.
Toph, Veronica, and Dan are on an epic quest. What happens? Toph and Veronica are totally up on questing, because they’ve both done it before. Dan is a newbie and he’s not very good at it, mostly because he keeps complaining about missing his creature comforts and also New York bagels. His ability to talk his way around almost any subject does end up saving the day for them, though when they run into the Jabberwock, and Toph can’t find the vorpal sword.
For
lab Mal and Dean get transported to a (dark, unfriendly, :C, dystopian) parallel universe - what do they do? Who has a freakout and who figures out a way to get back home? (And what are their otherverse!counterparts like? Dean thinks he’s back in hell and Mal can’t believe there’s a worse place than the 'verse he lives in, but both of them have seen some crazy shit, so they don’t freak out. Together, they find alt!Sam, who’s a genius working in the Fringe division of the FBI (Dean works with him as an inventor, along with his lovely assistant, Astrid Farnsworth; Mal is also a Fed in this scenario, the head of Homeland Security for Walternate, and isn’t that a kick in the nuts?) Sam suspects them of being shapeshifters first, but when there’s no mercury in their blood (and they don’t try to kill him), he and alt!Dean and Astrid come up with a device to send Mal and Dean home without ripping the fabric of space-time (any more than it’s already been ripped), and they escape just as alt!Mal shows up with his goon squad and tries to stop them.
For amberlynne Dean and Cordelia go to karaoke night! Hilarity ensues! First, Cordy has to convince Dean to go, and then she has to convince him not to kill Lorne or anybody else in Caritas, which is not easy. Then she has to convince him to get up onstage and sing. Lorne is not impressed with his version of “Shout at the Devil” and has some pointed things to say to him not only about his daddy issues, but his co-dependence on Sam and how he has to let Sam go, and Sam will always come back. Dean gets all grumpy and emo and doesn’t speak to Cordy for most of the night, not until she finally gets up and sings “Baby, I’m a Star,” and is so awful that he feels bad enough to buy her many drinks (and also because she threatens to sing some more in the car on the way home if he doesn’t stop sulking). Then they go home and have a lot of sex so Dean can try to forget the whole thing ever happened.
Wow, that was long. Hilarious and distracting, but long. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/215945.html.
people have commented there.
On with the hilarity!
My answers to the character/questions meme:
My list of characters:
1. Mal Reynolds (Firefly)
2. Cordelia Chase (BtVS/Ats)
3. Kara "Starbuck" Thrace (BSG)
4. Dan Rydell (Sports Night)
5. Veronica Mars (Vmars)
6. Dick Grayson (DCU)
7. Alec Hardison (Leverage)
8. Sokka (AtLA)
9. Toph Bei Fong (AtLA)
10. Dean Winchester (SPN)
11. Wendy Watson (The Middleman)
12. Sam Winchester (SPN)
13. Tami Taylor (FNL)
14. Olivia Dunham (Fringe)
15. Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds)
Your list of wacky requests:
For
marina Sokka and Starbuck have stolen a car and are on the run together. What happened? Sokka was just shopping minding his own business when this crazy woman in a jeep came speeding along, shooting at some Cylons. She looked like she needed help, so Sokka used Boomerang to bring down a few Centurions, and then he got cornered by the others, and she knocked 'em down with the jeep and told him to hop on in if he wanted to live. Sokka really, really did. So now they’re on the run from the Cylons, up in the mountains outside of Caprica City, and Sokka really misses home, where all he had to worry about were megalomaniacal firebenders, and his sister and Toph fighting.
For redrikki Dan Rydell, Alec Hardison & Olivia Dunham in a hostage situation. Well, the FBI got wise to whatever heist the Leverage crew was pulling off, and since it involved tech from the Other Side, they sent in the Fringe team. Hardison is not happy that he’s in the middle of a hostage situation while Eliot is sitting back in the van. Olivia attempts to keep the suspected shapeshifter/hostage-taker from killing anyone or escaping back to Walternate with whatever tech it is that’s hidden in the bank vault. Unbeknownst to her, Parker has already stolen it, so our side is safe. For the moment. Dan just hadn't been in a bank in a long time and felt the need to make a deposit in person for the first time in ages. Just his luck to get caught in a hostage situation.
For executrix Toph Bei Fong and Sam Winchester have to make something for the Bake Sale. What do they decide to make and how did it turn out? *dies laughing* Oh my god. These will be the worst cookies ever! Sam gets all moody thinking about how Jess baked chocolate chip cookies for him right before she died, and it’s his fault she’s dead, so he insists they can’t make those and Toph is like, "I have to have a baked good because I have to make money! The only thing I know how to bake is chocolate chip cookies, so we are baking them! Your manpain means nothing to me!" And they come out horrible, because neither Toph nor Sam can actually follow directions, so Sam calls Dean and Dean buys a roll of Pillsbury slice and bake cookies and it all works out fine in the end, except they don’t sell any cookies, so Toph makes Sam give her the money she would have earned if he hadn’t ruined her baked goods. Sam is happy to do so, if it means the kid will stop mocking him.
For
angelgazing Sam Winchester and Dan Rydell are trying to piece together the night before. WHAT DID THEY DO? (And, bonus: HOW DID THEY END UP HERE?) Dean always puts on Sports Night when there’s nothing good on, so Sam recognizes Dan in the bar. He just wants to tell Dan that he and Dean enjoy the show, but somehow, they end up doing shots of Jack and the next thing Sam knows, Dan is telling him about how his little brother was also named Sam and he was a genius but now he’s dead and it’s all Dan’s fault, and Sam is like, dude, if I wanted to hear confessions of big brotherly inadequacy, I’d have stayed in the motel room with Dean. But he can’t actually say that, so he orders another round of shots, and that’s where things start to get blurry. But Sam’s pretty sure nobody taped them fucking on the balcony of Dan’s hotel room, but he can’t guarantee there isn’t video footage of Dan blowing him in the elevator.
For
ranalore Alec Hardison and Tami Taylor end up at a theme park. Which one, and what do they do while there? They’re at Six Flags Over Texas, obviously. First, Hardison has to ask her to stop calling him Voodoo even though he apparently looks like some kid her husband coached once. She seems like a nice white lady, but that’s just racist, yo, and she apologizes and after about twenty minutes of awkward silence, she asks him if he wants any funnel cake, and he says, “I thought you’d never ask!” and they eat funnel cake and then they go on the Tilt-a-Whirl, but Hardison doesn’t really like spinny rides, so he’s feeling a little queasy after, so Tami buys him a ginger ale, and then he wins her a big giant stuffed animal at that game where you shoot water into the clowns’ mouths, because that’s not like real shooting, that’s just like videogame shooting. So they end the day friends, and when he gets home, Hardison diverts some funds from Joe McCoy’s account into East Dillon’s textbook fund.
For ignipes Cordelia Chase, Dan Rydell, Dick Grayson, and Sokka are stuck in a remote, deserted island in some cold, unpleasant place. Who offers to cuddle for warmth? Who offers to go kill a walrus for food? How do they survive? Cordelia and Dan, neither of whom are particularly outdoorsy types, immediately cuddle up to Dick, who is able to start a fire and keep it going while Sokka volunteers to go hunting. Sokka is, amazingly enough, from the South Pole, so he knows how to hunt in cold, desolate conditions, and they survive because Sokka is awesome, and Dick doesn’t mind bundling for warmth.
For
akamarykate Mal Reynolds, Toph Bei Fong, and Wendy Watson are planning a heist. What are they going to steal, and from whom? Some kind of crazy government tech (no doubt invented by Walter Bishop and currently in production at Massive Dynamic) that will send Mal back to the future, Toph back to Ba Sing Se, and Wendy home to her own universe.
For writingpathways Mal Reynolds and Penelope Garcia find themselves locked in a closet. There is some groping and giggling and Mal swears he never touched her! Well, okay, but she started it! 'Tweren't gentlemanly to refuse such a pretty lady. Garcia walks around looking smug for weeks.
Tami Taylor and Olivia Dunham are stuck in a traffic jam on the hottest ever! Because they are ridiculously awesome ladies, they have packed lots of cold beverages, and it turns out they even share similar taste in music, so they just hang out and drink iced tea and listen to James Taylor until the traffic clears up.
Cordelia Chase and Dan Rydell are set up on a blind date by Wendy Watson. Cordy and Dan hit it off tremendously well, and Dan actually takes the whole thing about demons and vampires being real a lot better than either Cordy or Wendy would have expected. Cordy asks Wendy to stand up for her at the wedding, which is held in Vegas after they team up to kill some zombies at the Bellagio.
Kara Thrace and Veronica Mars find themselves at Hogwarts. Ah, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, though Kara thinks she belongs in Hufflepuff and Veronica wants to be a Ravenclaw. They team up to confound everyone’s expectations and Filch is exposed as the creepy perv that he is.
Dick Grayson, Alec Hardison, and Sokka are stranded on a deserted island. There is no rum. No rum, but that is an awful lot of snark and pretty. I’m sure they would survive, though Hardison would miss the internet, the sex he’s getting on the island is better than any porn he’s ever seen. I mean, have you seen how flexible Dick is? And Sokka’s pretty cute, too. And anyway, Hardison knows what's what, even if Dick's keeping his secret ID on the DL, so Hardison's pretty sure they're going to get rescued sooner rather than later. Hopefully Sokka and Dick will stop comparing Boomerang to batarangs before he has to gag them. (To say nothing of space swords, which Hardison wishes they would - say nothing that is. All this talk of weaponry makes him miss Eliot. And Hardison likes hearing them talk during sex too much to be fond of gags.) Of course, Hardison's not expecting the bald kid or the flying bison. Even Dick seemed surprised at that one.
For
soupytwist Cordelia Chase, Tami Taylor, and Dick Grayson got arrested. What was the crime? Who shopped them in? And who actually committed it? I think Cordelia and Tami would agree that the only crimes committed here are Dick’s offenses against fashion and good taste in the costume department. Not that they mind how...form-fitting his suit is, but really, spandex? That’s so 90s.
Alec Hardison and Toph Bei Fong got into a fight - what about, and who stops it? It’s about who ate the last of the Cheetos and put the empty bag back into the cabinet. (it was Toph, for the record.) The fight stops when Hardison promises to buy them each their own bag of Cheetos ("and yes, Toph, I take back what I said about not getting you any Mountain Dew ever again"), after Toph threatens to metal-bend his computers into statuary.
If Dean Winchester was going to get stuck on a desert island with one of the others, who would they pick and why? Dean would assess the lovely ladies in the lineup, but he would always, always, always choose to be stranded with Sam. How is that even a question? And Sam, for all that he rolls his eyes and mocks Dean, wouldn’t have it any other way. *smishes them*
Penelope Garcia made themselves something yummy for dinner, and put in the fridge, and when they return IT HAS DISAPPEARED. They suspect Veronica Mars - are they right? Yes, but Veronica didn’t eat it herself-- she brought it over to Wallace’s because he’s got the flu and he never eats right to begin with. Once she explains that to Garcia, Garcia totally cooks enough for all three of them.
For
glass_icarus Kara Thrace and Alec Hardison get married while extremely drunk. What are their reactions the day after it happens? Kara shrugs and lets it stand - Hardison is hot, even if he’s a little too into machines for her comfort. Hardison falls down on his knees and thanks whatever gods exist that he ever got so lucky.
Veronica Mars and Sam Winchester have a cook-off! What do they make, and whose food does the judging panel (Mal Reynolds, Cordelia Chase, and Sokka) like better? Poor Sam. He can’t win for losing in the kitchen. He thinks he’s totally screwed when Veronica makes snickerdoodles, which totally wins Sokka over, but then Sam fries up some cheeseburgers and the combination of meat and grease gets both Sokka and Mal on his side, and Cordelia is totally cutting carbs this week anyway, so in a shocking turn of events, Sam wins! (Don't worry, though, after the judges leave, he makes it up to Veronica all night, if you know what I mean.)
For
athenejen Wendy Watson is haunting Dean Winchester, what is he/she/it trying to get Dean to do? She’s trying to recruit him as the next Middleboy? *snicker* No, seriously, Wendy is trying to tell him that the Batter of the Bulge Pancake House is bursting with demons and they’ve converted the coin-operated Gutwrencher I machine into some kind of infernal torture device, and he and Sam need to go clean the place up! Sadly, Dean just alternates between hitting on her and trying to set her bones on fire.
Toph and Olivia get sent back in time accidentally. Where do they end up and what do they do when they get there? It doesn’t matter when they end up, Toph and Olivia PWN ALL WITH THEIR COMBINED AWESOME! They end up ruling the world. It’s an accident, but when you’re as awesome as Toph and Olivia are, these things just kind of happen.
For
loveandthetruth Sokka, Dan, Dick, and Tami somehow manage to bring the ceiling down in a semi-public restroom. Sokka, Dan, and Dick kept in touch after their time stranded on that island, and sometimes Sokka shows up to help Dick fight crime (Dick, needless to say, never tells Sokka that he doesn’t need the help) and giant robot dogs attack the NFL draft, where Tami (and Eric) are with Vince, when some kind of interdimensional wormhole opens up - it’s Aang, Katara, and Appa looking for Sokka. Unfortunately, Appa’s aim was slightly off and he caves in the ceiling of the rest room while the others are waiting on line to use it.
Garcia, Veronica and Mal. Movie night or variation thereof. Does not end well. Garcia invites Mal back to the apartment she’s sharing with Veronica for movie night, but Mal freaks out when he discovers that Garcia is a Fed, and Veronica has to threaten to tase him to get him to go away peaceably. Then she and Garcia settle on the couch with a bottle of wine, some chocolate hazelnut ice cream, and the latest season of Fringe. They both love Olivia but mock the FBI aspects of the show.
Hardison and Kara want to spend some time together alone. Anyone (or everyone) interrupts. A lot. Well, they are newlyweds, after all. Which Lee can’t stand, and Parker can’t understand, and Anders wonders when he signed on for polygamy, and Eliot wants to spar with Starbuck and Sophie wants to exchange hair care tips, and then Baltar shows up wanting to discuss networking with Hardison, until finally, they put on such a lewd display of public affection that even Baltar gets embarrassed and leaves. (He hits on Parker, who shoots him down, and he acts like he doesn’t care and spreads rumors that she’s a Cylon.)
For
hradzka boomerANG releases their eponymous first album, and their first chart-topping song is a searing ode to Miranda, who makes you wanna lay down and die (We’ve got Mal on lead guitar, Sokka on bass, Dan on drums, and Garcia on vocals. You know you wanna hear them tear it up.)
For dancinguniverse Mal and Sokka find they've both been stood up at the same bar, and pass the time together. Oh, they start out complaining about the perfidy of women and after a few fingers of whiskey, end up forming a band.
Cordelia, Sam, and Tami are running from the fuzz. Sam is the most experienced at this, so he tries to keep the other two from freaking out, but all Tami wants to do is call Eric and find out how Gracie Belle is doing, and all Cordelia wants to do is mock. Sam seriously considers turning them both in (oh! Perhaps that’s what happens above and Dick is just an unrelated bystander caught up in Sam’s desperate flight for freedom!)
Dan and Dean vie for Dick's attention. um. Um. *brain stutters and dies* Oh, my. I don’t think any of these guys are averse to sharing, so there’s really no vying going on so much as a game of “can you top this?” and they certainly can. In all meanings of the phrase. Ahem. I’ll be in my bunk.
For
lizzy_someone Mal and Tami are teacher and student. Which is which, and what does the teacher(/professor) teach? Ms. Taylor was Mal’s favorite teacher back on Shadow. He didn’t have much use for book learning then (or now), but she made poetry interesting, made him want to read it out loud to her after class.
For cmattg Garcia starts to ask Starbuck out on a date, only for Starbuck to ask Garcia's help in getting a date with Sokka. How does Garcia react and if they offer help, what kind? Well, Garcia’s in a band with Sokka, and if Starbuck is into guys instead of girls (and Garcia’s not sure she believes that, but whatever), she never really had a chance anyway, so the least she can do is help a sister out. Garcia just cuts right to the chase and tells Sokka about it. Sokka knows how Garcia feels about Starbuck, though, so he’s hesitant. He suggests a threesome to Kara, who says, “Why didn’t I think of that?” and then they have happy threesome sex.
Toph, Veronica, and Dan are on an epic quest. What happens? Toph and Veronica are totally up on questing, because they’ve both done it before. Dan is a newbie and he’s not very good at it, mostly because he keeps complaining about missing his creature comforts and also New York bagels. His ability to talk his way around almost any subject does end up saving the day for them, though when they run into the Jabberwock, and Toph can’t find the vorpal sword.
For
lab Mal and Dean get transported to a (dark, unfriendly, :C, dystopian) parallel universe - what do they do? Who has a freakout and who figures out a way to get back home? (And what are their otherverse!counterparts like? Dean thinks he’s back in hell and Mal can’t believe there’s a worse place than the 'verse he lives in, but both of them have seen some crazy shit, so they don’t freak out. Together, they find alt!Sam, who’s a genius working in the Fringe division of the FBI (Dean works with him as an inventor, along with his lovely assistant, Astrid Farnsworth; Mal is also a Fed in this scenario, the head of Homeland Security for Walternate, and isn’t that a kick in the nuts?) Sam suspects them of being shapeshifters first, but when there’s no mercury in their blood (and they don’t try to kill him), he and alt!Dean and Astrid come up with a device to send Mal and Dean home without ripping the fabric of space-time (any more than it’s already been ripped), and they escape just as alt!Mal shows up with his goon squad and tries to stop them.
For amberlynne Dean and Cordelia go to karaoke night! Hilarity ensues! First, Cordy has to convince Dean to go, and then she has to convince him not to kill Lorne or anybody else in Caritas, which is not easy. Then she has to convince him to get up onstage and sing. Lorne is not impressed with his version of “Shout at the Devil” and has some pointed things to say to him not only about his daddy issues, but his co-dependence on Sam and how he has to let Sam go, and Sam will always come back. Dean gets all grumpy and emo and doesn’t speak to Cordy for most of the night, not until she finally gets up and sings “Baby, I’m a Star,” and is so awful that he feels bad enough to buy her many drinks (and also because she threatens to sing some more in the car on the way home if he doesn’t stop sulking). Then they go home and have a lot of sex so Dean can try to forget the whole thing ever happened.
Wow, that was long. Hilarious and distracting, but long. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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