Word, word, so much wordy word. The other thing that drives me nuts? Dialogue in the middle of an action statement. Like, just thrown in there post-comma. I've been seeing it everywhere lately.
She looked down at the (CharacterNotActuallyNamed!Bob), she could feel his body starting to shake, he was losing too much blood, "it's gone, it's been destroyed, we can go, we'll find you help, it's over," even as she spoke, she started pulling him tighter in her arms, trying to hold him firmly so they could leave.
(CharacterWhoTotallyIsn't!Carol) sobbed quietly and shook her head, holding on to him tighter, "no, it's okay," she pleaded, glancing at not!Bob before looking back down at the older one, "you two are seeing each other and nothing is happening, you can stay, we'll figure it out, psuedo!Bob," sobs broke through her as she felt him getting heavier in her arms, "please."Actual passages from actual fics, though names have been changed to protect the long-suffering. I just... I don't understand. The period is your friend! Find one and
( ... )
someone in my writing group does a variation of that ALL THE TIME - instead of something like "dialogue dialogue dialogue," she said, putting down her coffee, she'll have "dialogue dialogue dialogue," she put down her coffee. drives me BUGNUTS because i point it out EVERY TIME and she has NEVER LEARNED NOT TO DO IT.
*deep breath*
and this is a woman who, you know, wants to be published.
Oy. I occasionally put an action in the middle of dialogue or a bit of dialogue into a paragraph where it would normally be set off, but it's rare, and i try to do it as grammatically as possible.
I think it's a different animal when it's done correctly - "Blah blah blah," she said, doing something sort of interesting that either advances the plot or provides some sort of interesting character insight, "and for that matter, blah." But when it's random and wrong and happens over and over again, it just rips me right out of the story. And I keep seeing it! Bleh.
She looked down at the (CharacterNotActuallyNamed!Bob), she could feel his body starting to shake, he was losing too much blood, "it's gone, it's been destroyed, we can go, we'll find you help, it's over," even as she spoke, she started pulling him tighter in her arms, trying to hold him firmly so they could leave.
(CharacterWhoTotallyIsn't!Carol) sobbed quietly and shook her head, holding on to him tighter, "no, it's okay," she pleaded, glancing at not!Bob before looking back down at the older one, "you two are seeing each other and nothing is happening, you can stay, we'll figure it out, psuedo!Bob," sobs broke through her as she felt him getting heavier in her arms, "please."Actual passages from actual fics, though names have been changed to protect the long-suffering. I just... I don't understand. The period is your friend! Find one and ( ... )
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*deep breath*
and this is a woman who, you know, wants to be published.
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