The Fool is noticing the magic around him.
Man, there's so much going on I don't even know where to start. Here's some stuff.
Had a date with someone I met 2 days earlier on the internet, resulting in the ending of my 6 month drought and me playing Street Fighter 2 with her, and she was also topless while doing that. So that was intense. And epic win.
On the way back, I actually had a conversation with someone I never met. Most amazing thing? She said "we've only talked for 30 minutes and I feel like already know you." So that was intense too.
I'm going to follow a workshop on camera acting. It's being given by a guy called Joep Sertons. I did some research and that man is pretty much an actor who's had roles in a LOT of major Dutch TV series and he now makes his own movies. This is the real deal we're talking about. I'm getting a script sent I'll need to study. More intensity.
I'm going to meet someone new on the 20th. Now, this isn't a big deal for me, but, it is for her, I'm gonna spend the night at her place (on the couch, no funny stuff) and that's totally new for her. The next day, we're heading to Amsterdam for a munch. Sometime later, I'll leave the munch and go to Geekfest. So itll be a busy and intense two days.
I also got word that I can move out in about 6 weeks. I was on a waiting list for an apartment, they told me I'd have to wait about 6 months/ 1 year. So that's now 6 weeks. Again, this is very intense and lifechanging.
And on top of all of that, I'm finally starting to realise, not only who I am, but, who I am respectively to others. I'm starting to realise what my actions, thoughts, words and such, what that can do to others. Also, I'm realising what it means if someone does something for or to me. More on this later.
So, all and all, that's a lot. This all hit me, really hit me a few days ago. It was like, all of a sudden, well, I got a lot less autistic and a lot more insecure. I've been insecure about my occasional overwhelmingness before, but, that was because I didn't really notice it. Now, I'm starting to be aware of it, and feel it myself, and I'm even more scared. If this has such an impact on me, what does it mean for others? I'm not trying to sound like I'm afraid of being awesome, I don't want to sound arrogant. It's just that well, I';ve been in a speeding train for a long time, but I've only just held my head out of the window and felt I fast I'm going.
Now, what does this mean? For the most part, I like being intense. But how can I be intense if I can't even handle it myself anymore? Or, when I'm busting through personal walls, how will that affect me? People have done it to me before, on occasion, but I think I might be a lot more sensitive to it now. It feels like I thought I was walking in a lush, pretty park and all of a sudden I find myself in the middel of a minefield.
I was at a birthday party a couple of weeks ago, Cy-V's to be exact. She laid a tarot for me, 3 cards, 1 for the past, 1 for the present and one for the future. Past was the Lovers card. Which makes sense, it's been 6 months since me and Mirjam broke up, etc. Present and future were, respectively, the Fool and the Magician.
The Fool wanders around, dressed eccentrically, playing some music, having a general good time, but, not aware of his surroundings, nor paying attention to those around him. The Magician, is very selfaware, has come to terms with his flaws and qualities, has an intense presence, that he is also aware and in in control of.
I feel like I might be in that phase now, going from the Fool into the Magician. I have clear thoughts on what I want, I'm opening up to myself and others. And maybe, in time, I can live up to my potential. The potential I have, not only for myself, but for others as well. That I may finally grasp my multidimensional and often paradoxical personality, and get some order into this chaotic mind of mine.
It;s scary though. I've never been one for taking regular steps or whatever, but this is really a big leap, well, let's hope forward. I feel ready, I feel able, my wings are eager to spread and let me soar through life. Let's hope they're not made of wax.
Had a date with someone I met 2 days earlier on the internet, resulting in the ending of my 6 month drought and me playing Street Fighter 2 with her, and she was also topless while doing that. So that was intense. And epic win.
On the way back, I actually had a conversation with someone I never met. Most amazing thing? She said "we've only talked for 30 minutes and I feel like already know you." So that was intense too.
I'm going to follow a workshop on camera acting. It's being given by a guy called Joep Sertons. I did some research and that man is pretty much an actor who's had roles in a LOT of major Dutch TV series and he now makes his own movies. This is the real deal we're talking about. I'm getting a script sent I'll need to study. More intensity.
I'm going to meet someone new on the 20th. Now, this isn't a big deal for me, but, it is for her, I'm gonna spend the night at her place (on the couch, no funny stuff) and that's totally new for her. The next day, we're heading to Amsterdam for a munch. Sometime later, I'll leave the munch and go to Geekfest. So itll be a busy and intense two days.
I also got word that I can move out in about 6 weeks. I was on a waiting list for an apartment, they told me I'd have to wait about 6 months/ 1 year. So that's now 6 weeks. Again, this is very intense and lifechanging.
And on top of all of that, I'm finally starting to realise, not only who I am, but, who I am respectively to others. I'm starting to realise what my actions, thoughts, words and such, what that can do to others. Also, I'm realising what it means if someone does something for or to me. More on this later.
So, all and all, that's a lot. This all hit me, really hit me a few days ago. It was like, all of a sudden, well, I got a lot less autistic and a lot more insecure. I've been insecure about my occasional overwhelmingness before, but, that was because I didn't really notice it. Now, I'm starting to be aware of it, and feel it myself, and I'm even more scared. If this has such an impact on me, what does it mean for others? I'm not trying to sound like I'm afraid of being awesome, I don't want to sound arrogant. It's just that well, I';ve been in a speeding train for a long time, but I've only just held my head out of the window and felt I fast I'm going.
Now, what does this mean? For the most part, I like being intense. But how can I be intense if I can't even handle it myself anymore? Or, when I'm busting through personal walls, how will that affect me? People have done it to me before, on occasion, but I think I might be a lot more sensitive to it now. It feels like I thought I was walking in a lush, pretty park and all of a sudden I find myself in the middel of a minefield.
I was at a birthday party a couple of weeks ago, Cy-V's to be exact. She laid a tarot for me, 3 cards, 1 for the past, 1 for the present and one for the future. Past was the Lovers card. Which makes sense, it's been 6 months since me and Mirjam broke up, etc. Present and future were, respectively, the Fool and the Magician.
The Fool wanders around, dressed eccentrically, playing some music, having a general good time, but, not aware of his surroundings, nor paying attention to those around him. The Magician, is very selfaware, has come to terms with his flaws and qualities, has an intense presence, that he is also aware and in in control of.
I feel like I might be in that phase now, going from the Fool into the Magician. I have clear thoughts on what I want, I'm opening up to myself and others. And maybe, in time, I can live up to my potential. The potential I have, not only for myself, but for others as well. That I may finally grasp my multidimensional and often paradoxical personality, and get some order into this chaotic mind of mine.
It;s scary though. I've never been one for taking regular steps or whatever, but this is really a big leap, well, let's hope forward. I feel ready, I feel able, my wings are eager to spread and let me soar through life. Let's hope they're not made of wax.