(no subject)
Parents and thanksgiving. It is usually one of the times of the year that I especially wish I owned a car so I wouldn't feel like I'm stuck here for longer than I want to be. It's good to see some of my biological family every so often. But almost immediately I feel like I get sucked back into modes of behavior and feelings from when I lived in Centralia. Bottling up. Trying to not be helpless to it, but it can be hard.
Lots of small talk and interactions that barely scratch the surface of where we are at emotionally, how we are doing, what our hearts look like. I'm noticing moments where I feel angry at my Dad because of hearing his talks about school politics or his relationship with Alyson. And how he'll talk about people in belittling ways. I get annoyed with hearing my Dad talk and I know it's because I have issues with him that I still need to address and need my own space to talk about. Past issues that never got resolved. But finding the courage to do so has been difficult. I'm thinking I need to write him a letter about it. After the holidays and after I move to Portland and can get more distance from him and am more on my own.
Lots of small talk and interactions that barely scratch the surface of where we are at emotionally, how we are doing, what our hearts look like. I'm noticing moments where I feel angry at my Dad because of hearing his talks about school politics or his relationship with Alyson. And how he'll talk about people in belittling ways. I get annoyed with hearing my Dad talk and I know it's because I have issues with him that I still need to address and need my own space to talk about. Past issues that never got resolved. But finding the courage to do so has been difficult. I'm thinking I need to write him a letter about it. After the holidays and after I move to Portland and can get more distance from him and am more on my own.