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[munkypham]

The more free time I have [And believe you, me, I have lots of it on 24HR guard] to contemplate about life after the Army, the more scared I become of it. It's a natural emotion one goes through, isn't it? I mean, a huge part of who and what I am is going to end soon. I won't have the comfort of security that I do now. That, I suppose frightens

Comments

[guysterrules]

You're in Kuwait now, right? Stay there until you come home.

One thing you didn't learn from the service is your extraordinary empathy. That can't be taught by orders, but through the examples of caring parents.

What am I really scared of? Waking up every morning.

[munkypham]

No not yet. In a couple of days though.

Thank you. I think my ability to empathize so well is because of the event/situations that have occurred in my short lifetime. The service is a big part of that. So, in a sense, the service didn't teach me how, but it sure help me progress that way.

[ex_prynne]

There is so much I want to say to you.

Usually I do pretty well with words - I can generally twist them into a shape that means what I want it to - but man, dude. THis is not one of those times.

This is a brilliant entry. Generally, I love everything you write, but this one is incredible. I wish that I hadn't deleted my other journal, because I would link you to the entries I wrote about my forks.

The last few months have been just one frightning-as-fuck fork in the road after another for me, and through it all I faced it as just another "chance to reinvent myself," and "get more out of life."

To read someone else writing about this ... to know that there is another person out there who knows this and gets it is just .....

awesome.

There are no words I could have put there that would do an adequate job of explaining what I mean.

[munkypham]

This is the reason I work so hard to post these long entries. For comments such as the one you left.

Thank you for feeling me. Thanks for understanding what I am going through.

I realize that LJ has been the best sanctuary I've ever had. My chance to work my problems out on my own terms.

[wondershot]

heh, sounds like graduating from college.

i think you definately need to move on to something else. you want things to improve, right? someone told me that it's insane to expect different results if you keep doing the same thing. just make sure you don't do what you did before you went into the Army.

now, what you and I fear is the ever-ensuing pain of life. but I was told "do not worry about tomorrow, let tomorrow take care of itself". there is only so much we can control, including when and how we feel pain. so i think we ought to embrace good days as much as possible. pain can't really be embraced, but that is something else we deal with using our knowledge or what we belive.

[munkypham]

Isn't pain a crucial part of the healing process? I will definitely embrace the good days.

Thanks for such a deep insight.

BTW: Are you back? Or are you still seeing the world?

[wondershot]

i haven't though of pain as part of healing before. this is what i think

[munkypham]

Wow. Thanks for such a deep insight. I agree with a lot of the points you brought up. I believe there's a yin and a yang for everything. Good/evil life/death, that kind of stuff. That was really what I was refering to, when I said pain/healing.

I am glad you are having a blast. Some day I will do as you are doing. I just hope its sooner rather than later.

Take care of yourself. Don't come home with anything you didn't leave with. Wink Wink**

[creactivity]

I think we naturally strive towards happiness but I don't know if I'd call that life's "objective." I'd like to think we're more about learning and growing and understanding. Not all of those things involved the strict pursuit of happiness.

I can totally relate to your fear of the unknown. I wonder...how has dealing with a war situation helped and hindered in that regard? Aren't many days filled with the unknown?

I also relate to the attraction of even an imposed routine. Even a bad situation can become tenable if it presents enough of a routine for comfort. I know I fall into this trap all too easily.

[munkypham]

You're right. Lots of what I do is unknown, but only to a certain extent. Almost on an everyday basis, I know exactly what I need to do and how to do it. The variables, though dangerous, are to an extent, predictable. As long as you take the correct precautions. Every move I make is mapped out for me. Almost everything I do over here is correlated to an order given to me. Following orders can be drone-ish, but its a routine I've already been accustomed to.

Civilian life, at least at this point in my life, is very unknown to me. I have goals and asperations I would like to achieve, but as far as the means to achieve them, thats a mystery in its own self.

Didn't mean to make an essay out of it.

[missvie]

you stole this topic fr. me! thanks for signing the petition.

[munkypham]

I did? lol. Well, you are my idol, so thats obviously a given. Of course I'm going to follow in your footsteps.

I am soooo excited to go home soon.