With Apologies to T.S. Eliot
I had the first round draft pick for my fantasy football league, and it was a bit of a no-brainer. San Diego Chargers' running back LaDanian Tomlinson was at the top of everyone's list, and righfully so. Thus, I have composed an ode to my new star player, arguably, a most practical cat to have on one's team.
LaDanian the Running Back
Inspired by Macavity the Mystery Cat by T.S. Eliot.
LaDanian’s a running back, his epithet’s L.T.;
And he’s the Chargers' greatest hope for future victory.
He’s the bane of each defensive end, a cornerback’s despair.
For when they go to block a hole, LaDanian’s not there!
LaDanian, LaDanian, there’s no-one like LaDanian
He’s broken all defensive lines, there’s really no containing him.
His powers of evasion would make attorneys stare,
And even when you track his moves, LaDanian’s not there!
And if opponents try the sack, their joy becomes despair,
For Rivers lacks the football and LaDanian’s not there!
LaDanian’s of average size, he wears the gold and blue.
Was MVP for NFL and also TCU.
He’s broken rushing touchdown records - holds the same for yards,
And selection to the Pro Bowl shows he’s held in high regard.
He’s passed and caught and rushed for TDs in a single game.
He’s scored more points per season than poor Paul Hornung can claim.
LaDanian, LaDanian, there’s no-one like LaDanian.
For he’s a wondrous athlete, there’s no telling what’s sustaining him.
And though you're six feet high and wide - you haven’t got a prayer,
For once the snap’s occurred, my friend, LaDanian’s not there!
So even if your defense are akin to dried concrete
And your linebackers weigh metric tons but still are fleet of feet,
And you’ve studied all the play films, oh ye confident, beware!
No matter what you’re planning, our LT will not be there!
And when the loss is fresh and sore, the coaching staff will say,
“You should have stopped LaDanian!” - but he was miles away!
You’ll be sure to find him helping out some charitable cause,
At blood and food banks where he’s paid in naught but sparse applause.
LaDanian, LaDanian, there’s no-one like LaDanian;
Impossible to quantify the Chargers luck in gaining him.
He always has a plan in mind, and one or two to spare:
So when they try to block him, our L.T. WILL NOT BE THERE!
So to all the other players whose own exploits they recall-
To Randy Moss or Keyshawn J., demanding the damn ball-
Raise up the sports drink of your choice and toast with lusty zeal
LaDanian: the Chargers' champ and player nonpareil!
Go Moose!
LaDanian the Running Back
Inspired by Macavity the Mystery Cat by T.S. Eliot.
LaDanian’s a running back, his epithet’s L.T.;
And he’s the Chargers' greatest hope for future victory.
He’s the bane of each defensive end, a cornerback’s despair.
For when they go to block a hole, LaDanian’s not there!
LaDanian, LaDanian, there’s no-one like LaDanian
He’s broken all defensive lines, there’s really no containing him.
His powers of evasion would make attorneys stare,
And even when you track his moves, LaDanian’s not there!
And if opponents try the sack, their joy becomes despair,
For Rivers lacks the football and LaDanian’s not there!
LaDanian’s of average size, he wears the gold and blue.
Was MVP for NFL and also TCU.
He’s broken rushing touchdown records - holds the same for yards,
And selection to the Pro Bowl shows he’s held in high regard.
He’s passed and caught and rushed for TDs in a single game.
He’s scored more points per season than poor Paul Hornung can claim.
LaDanian, LaDanian, there’s no-one like LaDanian.
For he’s a wondrous athlete, there’s no telling what’s sustaining him.
And though you're six feet high and wide - you haven’t got a prayer,
For once the snap’s occurred, my friend, LaDanian’s not there!
So even if your defense are akin to dried concrete
And your linebackers weigh metric tons but still are fleet of feet,
And you’ve studied all the play films, oh ye confident, beware!
No matter what you’re planning, our LT will not be there!
And when the loss is fresh and sore, the coaching staff will say,
“You should have stopped LaDanian!” - but he was miles away!
You’ll be sure to find him helping out some charitable cause,
At blood and food banks where he’s paid in naught but sparse applause.
LaDanian, LaDanian, there’s no-one like LaDanian;
Impossible to quantify the Chargers luck in gaining him.
He always has a plan in mind, and one or two to spare:
So when they try to block him, our L.T. WILL NOT BE THERE!
So to all the other players whose own exploits they recall-
To Randy Moss or Keyshawn J., demanding the damn ball-
Raise up the sports drink of your choice and toast with lusty zeal
LaDanian: the Chargers' champ and player nonpareil!
Go Moose!