Ching's Daughter
My face is now peeling. Faaaabulous. I look like some old nasty crusty person.
I am on a Hot & Spicy V-8 kick. I loooove it, which is good because 8 oz of V8 has 2 servings of vegetables and i don't usually get enough vegetables in my daily intake.
Went to Fridays last night after work and got drunk... then we went to Bobby's. I won like a $10 certificate on The Wheel of Death/ Wheel of Jeff. There's this yucky guy at Bobby's all the time and he has kind of rotten teeth and he always asks me if I work at the dog track and then he tries to buy me drinks and he grosses me out. So I made Jamin pretend to be my boyfriend so yucky man would not bother me. I became intoxicated anf then found everyone attrative. (well, not everyone. rotten tooth man was stilll out of the running)
Rachel and I talked to her dad's friend,Larry and his girlfriend for a long time. Larry went to school with my dad and they were friends. Larrys girlfriend knew my dad and graduated with my aunt. It was very odd. I've gone my entire life without people ever telling me they know my dad and now inthe past year, EVERYONE knows my dad. Its so weird. I guess its because my dad is from Nitro and I now know a lot of people from Nitro and apparently my dad is a local celebrity of sorts. It's very odd though. They all look at me and say "you're Gregs daughter?! You're 'Ching's' daughter!?! Hmmm... I always liked your dad real well...." And to which I say "hmm... I don't really like him. or dislike him. I dont really know" and then they can't believe that Greg Harris has a daughter who he doesn't see. Sorry to burst their bubbles.
I ahve such mixed feelings about him.
For most of my life, I didn't really have issues about whether or not my dad loved me. I always knew that my mom took me and we moved to Michigan and she didn't tell him where we were. And my family wouldn't tell him and so he just didn't know.
I thought that my dad not being in my life was because my mom made it that way.
Only in the past 2 years or so I have realized that if my dad wanted me, he could have found me. He had rights to me, just the same as she did. He could have done something.
When she first left him and we still lived in WV, he had me on weekends I think. and once, my mom came to pick me up and he wouldn't let me go. He said he was keeping me,etc. Our family was ahving a picnic that day and My mom had to go get my aunt "Tint". aunt Tint went back with my mom and went the fuck off on my dad and threatened with the police and her lawyer or something, etc and so he let me go back with them.
I always took this to mean that he did want me. Afterall, he tried to keep me. But now that I'm older I realize that it was a game. It had nothign to do with me. He was trying to get to my mom.
I guess I had this illusion that my dad was somewhere wondering where I am and what I'm doing and he missed me. But now, that illusion is gone.
It's so strange... the older I get, the more I realize that my parents are only people. Highly flawed people. Unfortunately, mine almost exceed the maximum allotment for flaws. lol
Another thing that bothers me... my family memebers have randomly seen my dad out and about. MY aunt Joan is the manager of FasChek is St. Albans and my dad used to go in there often. And she would talk to him ... just shoot the breeze. I don't get that! ! !
Emerson is not related to me by blood but I'll be damned... if I saw RD around all the time and he wasn't taking care of her, he would get a hellride from me. I would NOT shoot shit with him and ask how he was doing. I would say "you have a beautiful daughter and you're a piece of shit. get your act together."
This is my aunt. By blood. My family. And to make it worse, she would sometimes tell me "oh... I saw your dad a couple weeks ago...blahblah" and then tell me something stupid like he was getting a divorce. or he wrecked his motorcycle or something. And there I would be... wondering ...."did he ask about me? did you tell him I have straight A's in school? Did you show him a picture of me? Did you all even talk about me? you're my aunt... why don't you stand up for me and try to help me?!" and of course I could never say these things. So I would just have to wonder.
I'm tired of wondering.
Rachel's mom, rita, was talking about my dad the other night and she said she hasn't seen him since she found out I'm his daughter but she's hoping to see him so she can say somethign to him about me. finally! Someone has balls. Shouldn't my own family be the ones to do that?!
I feel so disillusioned about my family lately. Since I've been having these "revelations" My family thinks we're close because we see eachother fairly often. Hate to tell them but time spent doesn't equal quality time spent.
I know people aren't perfect but I am truly hurt ... I just feel like no one in my family(except my aunt Tint) did anything to help with any of this. My mom is kind of the black sheep of the family and I told her a little bit about my feelings and she said "I know... everyone acted like everything that happened was my fault. no one wanted to help or be involved. I never understood" It made me so sad when she said that... I could see this hurt in her eyes and I felt awful for her. I'm aware my mom is not a perfect person. I know this more than anyone. Believe me. But it also makes me so sad that she feels so put down by her sisters. And it makes me mad.
I don't know what my point is about all of this. Besides the fact that I apparently have bad luck with being blood related to people in general.
"I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give returned to me" ---John Mayer
I am on a Hot & Spicy V-8 kick. I loooove it, which is good because 8 oz of V8 has 2 servings of vegetables and i don't usually get enough vegetables in my daily intake.
Went to Fridays last night after work and got drunk... then we went to Bobby's. I won like a $10 certificate on The Wheel of Death/ Wheel of Jeff. There's this yucky guy at Bobby's all the time and he has kind of rotten teeth and he always asks me if I work at the dog track and then he tries to buy me drinks and he grosses me out. So I made Jamin pretend to be my boyfriend so yucky man would not bother me. I became intoxicated anf then found everyone attrative. (well, not everyone. rotten tooth man was stilll out of the running)
Rachel and I talked to her dad's friend,Larry and his girlfriend for a long time. Larry went to school with my dad and they were friends. Larrys girlfriend knew my dad and graduated with my aunt. It was very odd. I've gone my entire life without people ever telling me they know my dad and now inthe past year, EVERYONE knows my dad. Its so weird. I guess its because my dad is from Nitro and I now know a lot of people from Nitro and apparently my dad is a local celebrity of sorts. It's very odd though. They all look at me and say "you're Gregs daughter?! You're 'Ching's' daughter!?! Hmmm... I always liked your dad real well...." And to which I say "hmm... I don't really like him. or dislike him. I dont really know" and then they can't believe that Greg Harris has a daughter who he doesn't see. Sorry to burst their bubbles.
I ahve such mixed feelings about him.
For most of my life, I didn't really have issues about whether or not my dad loved me. I always knew that my mom took me and we moved to Michigan and she didn't tell him where we were. And my family wouldn't tell him and so he just didn't know.
I thought that my dad not being in my life was because my mom made it that way.
Only in the past 2 years or so I have realized that if my dad wanted me, he could have found me. He had rights to me, just the same as she did. He could have done something.
When she first left him and we still lived in WV, he had me on weekends I think. and once, my mom came to pick me up and he wouldn't let me go. He said he was keeping me,etc. Our family was ahving a picnic that day and My mom had to go get my aunt "Tint". aunt Tint went back with my mom and went the fuck off on my dad and threatened with the police and her lawyer or something, etc and so he let me go back with them.
I always took this to mean that he did want me. Afterall, he tried to keep me. But now that I'm older I realize that it was a game. It had nothign to do with me. He was trying to get to my mom.
I guess I had this illusion that my dad was somewhere wondering where I am and what I'm doing and he missed me. But now, that illusion is gone.
It's so strange... the older I get, the more I realize that my parents are only people. Highly flawed people. Unfortunately, mine almost exceed the maximum allotment for flaws. lol
Another thing that bothers me... my family memebers have randomly seen my dad out and about. MY aunt Joan is the manager of FasChek is St. Albans and my dad used to go in there often. And she would talk to him ... just shoot the breeze. I don't get that! ! !
Emerson is not related to me by blood but I'll be damned... if I saw RD around all the time and he wasn't taking care of her, he would get a hellride from me. I would NOT shoot shit with him and ask how he was doing. I would say "you have a beautiful daughter and you're a piece of shit. get your act together."
This is my aunt. By blood. My family. And to make it worse, she would sometimes tell me "oh... I saw your dad a couple weeks ago...blahblah" and then tell me something stupid like he was getting a divorce. or he wrecked his motorcycle or something. And there I would be... wondering ...."did he ask about me? did you tell him I have straight A's in school? Did you show him a picture of me? Did you all even talk about me? you're my aunt... why don't you stand up for me and try to help me?!" and of course I could never say these things. So I would just have to wonder.
I'm tired of wondering.
Rachel's mom, rita, was talking about my dad the other night and she said she hasn't seen him since she found out I'm his daughter but she's hoping to see him so she can say somethign to him about me. finally! Someone has balls. Shouldn't my own family be the ones to do that?!
I feel so disillusioned about my family lately. Since I've been having these "revelations" My family thinks we're close because we see eachother fairly often. Hate to tell them but time spent doesn't equal quality time spent.
I know people aren't perfect but I am truly hurt ... I just feel like no one in my family(except my aunt Tint) did anything to help with any of this. My mom is kind of the black sheep of the family and I told her a little bit about my feelings and she said "I know... everyone acted like everything that happened was my fault. no one wanted to help or be involved. I never understood" It made me so sad when she said that... I could see this hurt in her eyes and I felt awful for her. I'm aware my mom is not a perfect person. I know this more than anyone. Believe me. But it also makes me so sad that she feels so put down by her sisters. And it makes me mad.
I don't know what my point is about all of this. Besides the fact that I apparently have bad luck with being blood related to people in general.
"I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give returned to me" ---John Mayer