REPOSTING: Cocoa puffs [1/2]
Title: Cocoa puffs [1/2]
Pairing: OnKey, small implied 2Min
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sometimes, the canvas of your life can get tainted with oily memories. It's just a matter of time when the mess is tenderly brushed away by a lovely eraser called love.
Disclaimer: Only own plot.
Warning: it may come off as a little bit angsty at first... but I SWEAR IT'S FLUFF <.<.
A/N: LOL i know what you may be thinking... "WTF YOU JUST UPDATED BURBANK! DX" i know ppl!! i haven't even replied to the comments yet!!! and i will!! but i just wanted to post this two-shot i wrote a while back xD i swear i wasn't gonna post, but *cough* someone persuaded me to post it, and i can't say no to those poutings!! so this is for mankadi :D love you bb! even though you give TOO much credit to my failed fics!! Anyways, enjoy ppl, and the lyrics in here are the eng translation of Quasimodo (I LOVE THAT SONG!!) okay! i'll stop babbling now! and really i swear this is fluff!! just keep reading and you'll see! :DD THANK YOU TO ALL THE LOYAL READERS!! and i'm only leaving one spot since it's a dedicated fic ^^
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When I was young, I used to think that rain was the sadness of the sky manifesting itself, and as I danced happily under it, I cutely tried to brighten the sky a little with my silly self. Now I knew rain was just the product water droplets from warm air rising in the sky, cooling and making clouds big enough to pour their contents by gravity effect.
Harsh reality? It’s a harsh reality indeed, but logic always stomps on your dreams while you grow up, slapping your magic world with the cold and unwavering truth.
“It’s gonna rain all day.”
The sound of boots crashing into puddles deafened the aggravated atmosphere around me. A tint of grey could be seen in every face, in every moving thing, giving life a taste of melancholy. Holding the yellow umbrella with one hand, as the other managed acrobatically to juggle a massive amount of books, I made my way into the crowd, trying hard not to bump into the agitated citizens walking hastily to their needed destinations. Awkward boots squeaked against the soaked pavement, and a feeling of nostalgia swirled inside me.
I missed this town.
Going away at the age of eighteen it’s like a punch perfectly directed to your unprotected stomach. I had been happy for my parents back then, not wanting to upset their happiness for a new job at the moment, but deep down I had hated it. Leaving my friends like that, without a previous notice, tore my heart. Promising weakly to keep in touch, while tears rolled softly through the intimate hugs, I said my goodbyes, bowing faithfully to return one day.
I have no regrets now, knowing that a hard change had been for the best, but even though my life seemed happy enough right now… even though I have wonderful parents and faithful, never changing friends…in this town… I still hold one regret.
Kim Kibum.
I sighed softly, furrowing my nose as I tried to push the rebel glasses up to their corresponding position. I regretted not being able to confess my deep affection towards the pretty junior when I had the chance. As a senior, I had been a coward, just like today, and I knew that the regret of not being able pour my heart through a song, or a lame poem, was gonna stay with me for the rest of my life. I saw all the signs; every smile, every subtle touch, every shy blush… all directed miraculously at me, and I tried many times, god knows how bad I tried to let him know, but cowardness won over… and that pretty fantasy just had to slip away.
Would he remember me?
I felt a twitch in the corner of my lips; a small temptation to stretch my lips in that characteristic goofy smile of mine. Of course he wouldn’t, that question was just as stupid as thinking that dreams do come true.
He must be twenty two by now, happily engaged or married to the love of his life… like all my former classmates seemed to be nowadays. Taemin and Minho were happily married, living their lives wistfully. My best friend, Jonghyun, was a successful bachelor, turning all the girls into puddles of hot goo with his song writing abilities. How he managed to write those hit lyrics? Still a mystery to me, since that thick headed brunette had been the only student at school that had to repeat his English final exam four times in a row.
Walking down that already forgotten street brought a sense of belonging to my heart. Finally I was back, after 6 years of hard studying abroad. Was I happy? I thought so, not knowing truly if my life could be considerate an envied one. The routine was quite tiring; waking up, going to my art classes, then back to my small apartment just to draw some homeworks, and finally sleeping again while I dreamed of a new day.
I sometimes found myself wondering if there was something else for me out there, and a feeling inside me told me that indeed, there was something missing in my life… and I was the only one able to find what that something was.
It could be a pair of shoes for all I knew.
I think that search deep inside me for something more was the main reason of returning to my small home town. One week has passed, and the same routine has slipped in my life once again… but this time it was a lonelier one, without my family, or my friends for that matter, since they moved to the city after graduating from high school.
A month. That’s all I was giving this town.
Thunders roared unceremoniously in the darkened sky, and knowing it was most likely that a heavy amount of rain was gonna fall soon, I started searching for a nice café with my fogged glasses. Finally heaven started splashing our small town with a windy storm, and people started bumping shoulders without care, eager to make it to safety. I started losing hope of finding shelter when I spotted the coziest coffee shop in the crowded street. A pretty girl in a waitress’s uniform greeted the upcoming costumers with a warm caring smile, and a happy satisfied expression coming from the people sipping their hot beverage could be seen from the big windows at each side of the entrance.
“I found you.” People stared at me weirdly as I kept smiling brightly while watching the café with hungry eyes. Crossing the convulsing street with much effort, I managed to make it to the other side safe and sound. A warm smile greeted me at the entrance, making me smile as well while feeling welcomed.
“Hello Sir. Welcome to The Sugar Cube, let me take your umbrella.” The yellow duck printed umbrella was nicely folded; joining the variety of umbrellas dripping in a black can by the door. Bowing in gratitude at the 5 star treatment, I stepped inside the warm candle scented room; the chirpy sound of the doorbell breaking the calm atmosphere. It was quite crowded, but at the same time it was just right; people minding their own business as they allowed the hot aroma of freshly ground coffee beans fill their senses. Waiters welcomed me courtly, and a tall lanky brown haired boy showed me the way to a small booth at the far corner of the cafeteria.
“Someone will be back shortly to take your order!” Flowers dangled beautifully from outside the glass wall, and the sight of the rain pouring coldly while thunders roared angrily in the sky was simply beautiful. With a huff, I threw the inhuman amount of books on the neatly cleaned table, sighing resignedly as the idea of reading all those textbooks in 3 days finally dawned on me.
“Great Jinki… you were the genius who wanted to be a graphic illustrator.” The low murmur slipped softly in the air, rolling with the sweet scent of honey and cinnamon; a tint of mocca just at the end. Shortly after, a small bouncy girl made her way towards me, menu in hand as she tripped a few times over her excitement.
“Welcome to The Sugar Cube! Here’s the menu. May I recommend you the specialty of the day?? It’s a nice frapuccino with a touch of caramel and chocolate on top.” I quietly placed the handed menu on the table, not even caring to give it a quick glance.
“Do you have something to drink that doesn’t have milk in it?” The bubbly teenager tilted her head to the side, finding my petition odd and out of the ordinary. Everyone in the coffee house was contently sipping beverages with a high content of milk in them, and I couldn’t help but blush as a couple sitting at the front booth eyed me curiously.
“Uhhh yeah… tea?” I nodded mutely, staring intently at the wooden table with fake interest.
“He is lactose intolerant Mimi. Bring him a big cup of cocoa with a milk substitute.”
It was like chocolate… that voice. Definitely chocolate with a hint of cherries too, and my eyes followed that voice’s trail, landing finally on an angel. I swore I heard bells ringing heavenly over my ears as the sight of that flawless human being reached my eyes. Milky white skin, contrasting with that gray knitted sweater that fitted the perfect torso just right, had my mind swaying dizzily. Was I a creep? I think so, but I was too busy shamelessly staring at the bare image of some mythic god from a Greek tragedy to care.
“Oh! I will Mr. Kim!” I nodded awkwardly at the bouncy waitress as she took the unopened menu laying on the cold surface. Time seemed to stop suddenly, and my eyes softly made their way to the chocolate orbs that stared at me with warming tenderness. Thick lashes brushed against soft hued cheekbones, and as the small blink seemed to last an eternity, a distant memory rushed through my mind at once.
“Here Jinki!!! You must be freezing!!” A wide smile spread across my lips as I quickly accepted the hot thermos with freezing hands. The pretty junior eagerly waited for me to open the liquid container, and a chuckle escaped my lips as I took the lid off, letting the warm smell of cocoa fill the chilly air outside of school.
“Hot cocoa? For me?” Incredulous eyes stared at the blushing junior, and as the pretty boy nodded slowly, a pained feeling sunk over me like a ton of concrete over glass. With shaky fingers I closed the container once again, sighing sadly as a hurt expression landed on the younger one.
“I-I’m sorry! Silly of me to think you would actually sip such horrible drink! Sorry.” Before I could even utter a word, the container was quickly torn from my hands, letting the cold air freeze the warm lingering sensation between my fingers. He quickly grabbed his backpack, sliding it hurriedly over his shoulder as he tried to run back to the desolated school building. Like instinct, the firm grip of my hand against his wrist prevented him from disappearing.
“Key wait! I really appreciate the gesture, I really do!! No one has ever been kind enough to make something for me… but…” He turned around, and the way his eyes were slightly watery and glistening gave me an idea how hurt he must have felt. Even though I could see the desire to run away dangling from his chocolate eyes, he still rooted himself to the snow covered ground, intently waiting for a decent explanation.
“It’s embarrassing but… I’m… lactose.. intolerant.” I waited for the laughing, or the snickering, but the sound of the wintery air slipping through the leafless trees was the only thing my ears caught. I looked up, meeting a bright soft smile, and I couldn’t help but smile as well, feeling how love bubbles built hurriedly inside me while soft hands tangled themselves against mine.
“Next time…I shall make you a milk free cocoa.. just for you.”
“Key…” Satisfaction found its way into those soft earthy orbs, and I knew he enjoyed the way his name slipped from my puffed lips. I scrambled off the booth after minutes of awkward staring, and as I slid my lenses to their proper place, I couldn’t help but memorize that face I’ve come to miss over the past 6 years without notice. Never, in my wildest dreams, would I’ve imagined meeting him once again. Our hometown was a very small one though, barely breaching the ten thousand habitants, but until now, I truly comprehended just how SMALL it truly was.
“Long time no see.” A soft gasp was huffed out as a warm body collided against mine. Awkward limbs wrapped themselves around the younger one in my arms, and even though it was just a friendly welcome back hug, my heart couldn’t help but flutter as its erratic beats slammed noisily against my chest.
“You haven’t changed one bit.” I blushed, detangling my arms from the warm body pressed against me. Under the bright lights, I could finally see every lovely detail, remembering those pink lips carved with a natural pout, those long think eyelashes that were perfectly combined with a set of scorching brown eyes. He was beautiful, in my eyes he always was, and after all these years, time oddly hadn’t practiced its effects on the lovely twenty two year old. Time had made him mature, and the only way to compare it was with a flower. He had been such a beautiful bud in high school, myself already predicting he was gonna turned into the most gorgeous rose ever… but how wrong I’ve been… he was no rose, or lilac… not even tulips. He was his own unique breed, with a distinctive mouth watering scent.
“I c-could say the same thing about you. You are just how I remember you…” I wanted to say the word beautiful, but I restrained myself, knowing it would only bring some unneeded awkwardness into the conversation. His soft chuckles warmed my heart, and I dumbly followed him as he pulled me to the booth once again, him taking a seat at the front. Facing him, I noticed interesting things most people couldn’t even note at simple sight. He was not the junior I used to know, almost like an entire different person, but at the same time he was the same, just hidden. They way he moved was more subtle, almost graceful, and that enormously contrasted the bubbly self I had known and love in my teenage days.
We were grownups now, and I could see in his eyes that reality had crashed his teenage dreams just like mine.
“Wow, Lee Jinki… How long has it been? Six years right?” The bouncy waitress came back with a black mug in her hands, and I thanked her politely while taking the hot beverage from her hands.
“Yeah… six years. You have a lovely café by the way. Very welcoming and homey.” Taking a sip, I enjoyed the way his cheeks tainted themselves in that characteristic pink hue, and his delicate hand pulled a loose strand of his black hair back to its place. If he was still the same junior I used to know, he was nervous, loudly displaying it by the way he twisted the loose hair lock between his fingers
“Thank you.. so tell me! How you been? Judging by these books, I take it you’re a graphic illustrator?” I quickly arranged the spilled books on the table, earning a small giggle form the younger one.
“I’m in my last year actually.” He nodded, watching me with interest as I took another sip of the hot substance with marshmallows dancing in it. My taste buds rejoiced with the sweet taste of chocolate, and I couldn’t be happier about it. It was hard nowadays to find a good cup of cocoa, and even harder to find a milk free one.
“That’s great. I remember back in high school how well you drew… all those landscapes.. all those people.”
“I’m not that good at drawing people though… the only one I truly liked is that one drawing I did of you…” It was too late to take it back, and I found myself swimming in embarrassment as Key drowned his face in a red coat that veiled his cheeks and ears nicely. I saw something sparkle in his eyes, hallucinating hurt maybe, but it was gone in seconds.
“You truly haven’t change at all Jinki… I’m glad.”
Something else warmed my insides in that moment… and I knew it wasn’t the cocoa.
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A new routine found its way into my life after that faithful day. I still got up in the mornings, went to my art classes, but then, instead of returning to a cold lonely apartment, I found myself spending my afternoons in that small coffee shop in the same crowded main avenue. Every day spent with Key, I found myself falling in love all over again. It was like getting to know him for the second time, and frankly I didn’t mind, cause I knew that I could meet him in this life, even the next after that, and faith would still trick my luck into meeting that gorgeous boy all over again. Falling for Kim Kibum was inevitable, and it was an inevitability that I have come to appreciate.
“Jinki come on!! Just help me on this one!” Those pouty lips so close to mine were starting take their effect on me, making my head spin like a rollercoaster out of control. A month has passed, and after all this time, I realized something very important: Key had managed to wrap me around his pretty little finger just like in high school; enjoying pleasantly how I could never find myself saying no…after all this years of absence.
Sighing, I nodded to the sulking twenty two year old, and a smile found its way to my lips as I let the brimming boy drag me to his desired destination.
“Ok little babies! Who wants to get their faces painted?” I cringed when the loud shrieks flowed rapidly to my ears.
It was Children’s Day, and the café was insanely crowded by little boys with their moms. They always hired someone to paint little things in the children’s faces for free, but from what I heard, the young painter was sick, resulting on Key making his pretty pouty way towards me. I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat… but seeing his pouting lips while directing his huge brown eyes at me was quite the sight. Call me crazy… love crazy.
Taking the small painting kit from Key’s hands, I resignedly took a seat in the awaiting chair; a line already formed with approximately 20 kids. I started with something cute, like butterflies and ladybugs, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the giggling mess coming from the small wobbly line. A hand landed on my shoulder and while I painted a small flower on a smooth baby skin, something leaned over me from behind, making me shift nervously. Strong smell of chocolate and cherries burned my nostrils, and I didn’t need to be a genius to know who the owner of that wonderful scent was.
“Thank you. You’re my life saver.” The girl in front of me squeaked as the brush suddenly turned her once clean cheek into an oily mess. Trembling hands tried to steadily hold the soaked brush but my attention was all focused on the soft lips that pressed themselves tenderly against my cheek.
“K-Key?” I could feel him smile against my skin; burning scarlet red by now. Ever so softly, those lips departed, leaving a warm tingling, and almost electrifying sensation, and as I tried to amend the oily mess on the small girl’s cheeks, trying to turn a huge white blur into a bunny, I stole quick glances at the retreating figure. The way that body swayed gratefully through the populated coffee shop should be considerate a sin, but I guess I was the nº1 sinner since I couldn’t stop looking.
That kiss had to mean something; I wanted to be believe strongly in that, cause I knew that the younger one talking softly to the lanky waiter while instructing him all the while, wasn’t the type to just give a kiss out of gratitude.
“Oh God!! Chansung!! You’re back!” I shouldn’t have looked. I shouldn’t have turn around so diligently as those excited words slipped out of those lips that had grazed my cheek moments ago.
Your traces that my heart is filled with
Makes me able to breathe
When the long night is colored by the moonlight
Will the inescapable wait all end?
I wish for a miracle and ask and answer myself
“I missed you so much…”
Yeah… I shouldn’t have looked.
I tried to tear my eyes away from the hugging bodies by the café entrance, but I seemed to be in some kind of spell… and a hurtful one to. The tall built boy named Chansung suddenly picked Key up, making the younger one shriek happily as he was twirled in the air. Everyone in the coffee shop cooed warmly at the display of love, making the couple blush embarrassedly but still keeping their goofy smiles. I tried not to look at the way Key had his arms wrapped around that extended neck, or the way those big manly arms were lazily resting on that slender waist.
Oh, I can’t tell you about me
Who wants to reach your heart
Like the starlight hidden behind the cold clouds
I love you, in the end, this painful confession
That lingers at the edge of my lips slide down in tears
I never stood a chance. Never had, and never will. Maybe I had been so love struck these past few days that I failed to notice Key’s lingering stares directed to the front door; like waiting for his fairytale prince to rescue him at any moment. I felt pathetic now, regretting at last, ever coming to this town. I regretted myself for falling in love all over again for the same person… for my first and my only.
A picture painted itself in the canvas of my mind, and soon I realized it was picture of the way Key’s life was supposed to be. Everything was perfect; his work, his marriage, his kids…everything, and of course, I wasn’t in that perfect picture…and maybe neither Chansung, but he was more close than me of starring in that picture… more worthy.
Pushing my glasses up, I quietly told the eager kids to give me twenty minutes to rest. Surprisingly, they agreed, and as I put all the art supplies away two figures started making their way towards me.
This arrow that’s reached my heart
Feels like a part of my body now
Even though it hurts to death
I can’t remove you, who’s stuck in my heart
Because it’s love
Because for me, it’s love
At some point, my hands started shaking, and as heat crawled its way to every corner of my body, I could feel small droplets of salty water already accumulating in the corner of my eyes. Even when the people I couldn’t face at the moment stopped in front of me, I kept my head down. My heart drummed heavily in my ribcage; like the blood running through my veins had suddenly thickened, making the process of living much harder.
“Jinki I want you to meet someone.” Could words burn? Two minutes ago I would have answered no.
Now, I was a flaming mess.
Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything
“Chansung, this is my high school friend Lee Jinki! Jinki, this is my b-”
“I’m gonna go now Key… I don’t feel so well.”
A hand was placed softly over my shoulder, stopping my actions all together. Even with my heart broken the raven haired boy kept a hold of my heart; pathetic as always. I ignored the silent question, grabbing my coat and my bag. I quickly bowed as an apology, since I was truly embarrassed by my sudden rudeness, but every minute spent in this room was slowly constricting my aching lungs.
“I’ll see you later.”
Slipping my way into the upcoming costumers, I managed to escape. It felt so good to be able to breathe once again, and even though I could still hear Key screaming my name from the inside, I demanded my protesting feet to walk away. That doorbell that had once felt like wind chiming bells, were now just painful reminders of my cruel reality.
I stay up for so many nights
When the starlight becomes rain
That doesn’t stop like my tears
Remember that I loved you
It was raining. It was raining and that didn’t stop me from running down the crowded streets. Water soaked me from head to toe, but I couldn’t be more grateful at the lovely distraction; tears could be quite the distraction. I think this was the first time I didn’t care about what people thought of me, and as I ran with all my strength towards my awaiting apartment, claws dug deep gashes in my heart with every flashback of that sweet lovers’ reunion I had witnessed.
I hadn’t been wrong though. Something had been waiting for me in this town, and I was glad I came back at last. I don’t hold any regrets now, cause in this exact same moment, as rain poured heavily over my pathetic shoulders, I realized Key had never been meant for me.
Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything
Finally I could see the front steps of my apartment, and after climbing up two steps, my body collapsed in the rest; too emotionally drained out to care. People stared worriedly at me, some even stopping to ask if I needed help, but I brushed them off… I turned everyone off as my sobs rocked my body against the concrete.
It hadn’t been cowardness that stopped me for proposing to the young junior back in high school… I knew that now. It had been destiny, cause he was someone else’s love, and who was I to push myself in between them… who was I to paint myself in that pretty picture that starred Key’s happy life, without me?. My cell phone vibrated non-stop, but I didn’t need to glance at the screen to see who it was. It was nice for him to care enough to call, and I really appreciated it, but I needed to be alone. I needed some time to think and to let go, cause god letting go was gonna be the hardest part.
Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything
Letting go was gonna be the hardest part, even though it’s only been a month since he slipped into my dreading routine. But I loved him, too much to interfere into his life like this. I knew I couldn’t stay any longer in this town, afraid to hurt the younger one with my cold hurtful attitude, and the idea of worrying him even further only made me sneer in regret.
“I’m leaving this town… I’m forgetting you Key… for good.”
It’s not tough, oh no
Because you have to be mine
In order for you to be you
Even if it hurts
Even if you make me cry
I love you
A scream pierced the sky, quickly drowned with the slamming of the rain against the pavement. The sky was crying now, at least that’s what I wanted to believe at the moment, and as my tears rolled softly from my eyes, mingling themselves messily with the cascading rain, I couldn’t help but love him one more time.
Cause even though he makes me cry… I can’t help but love him back.
Part 2
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->Originally posted on ignyte_passion
->Original entry here
Pairing: OnKey, small implied 2Min
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sometimes, the canvas of your life can get tainted with oily memories. It's just a matter of time when the mess is tenderly brushed away by a lovely eraser called love.
Disclaimer: Only own plot.
Warning: it may come off as a little bit angsty at first... but I SWEAR IT'S FLUFF <.<.
A/N: LOL i know what you may be thinking... "WTF YOU JUST UPDATED BURBANK! DX" i know ppl!! i haven't even replied to the comments yet!!! and i will!! but i just wanted to post this two-shot i wrote a while back xD i swear i wasn't gonna post, but *cough* someone persuaded me to post it, and i can't say no to those poutings!! so this is for mankadi :D love you bb! even though you give TOO much credit to my failed fics!! Anyways, enjoy ppl, and the lyrics in here are the eng translation of Quasimodo (I LOVE THAT SONG!!) okay! i'll stop babbling now! and really i swear this is fluff!! just keep reading and you'll see! :DD THANK YOU TO ALL THE LOYAL READERS!! and i'm only leaving one spot since it's a dedicated fic ^^
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When I was young, I used to think that rain was the sadness of the sky manifesting itself, and as I danced happily under it, I cutely tried to brighten the sky a little with my silly self. Now I knew rain was just the product water droplets from warm air rising in the sky, cooling and making clouds big enough to pour their contents by gravity effect.
Harsh reality? It’s a harsh reality indeed, but logic always stomps on your dreams while you grow up, slapping your magic world with the cold and unwavering truth.
“It’s gonna rain all day.”
The sound of boots crashing into puddles deafened the aggravated atmosphere around me. A tint of grey could be seen in every face, in every moving thing, giving life a taste of melancholy. Holding the yellow umbrella with one hand, as the other managed acrobatically to juggle a massive amount of books, I made my way into the crowd, trying hard not to bump into the agitated citizens walking hastily to their needed destinations. Awkward boots squeaked against the soaked pavement, and a feeling of nostalgia swirled inside me.
I missed this town.
Going away at the age of eighteen it’s like a punch perfectly directed to your unprotected stomach. I had been happy for my parents back then, not wanting to upset their happiness for a new job at the moment, but deep down I had hated it. Leaving my friends like that, without a previous notice, tore my heart. Promising weakly to keep in touch, while tears rolled softly through the intimate hugs, I said my goodbyes, bowing faithfully to return one day.
I have no regrets now, knowing that a hard change had been for the best, but even though my life seemed happy enough right now… even though I have wonderful parents and faithful, never changing friends…in this town… I still hold one regret.
Kim Kibum.
I sighed softly, furrowing my nose as I tried to push the rebel glasses up to their corresponding position. I regretted not being able to confess my deep affection towards the pretty junior when I had the chance. As a senior, I had been a coward, just like today, and I knew that the regret of not being able pour my heart through a song, or a lame poem, was gonna stay with me for the rest of my life. I saw all the signs; every smile, every subtle touch, every shy blush… all directed miraculously at me, and I tried many times, god knows how bad I tried to let him know, but cowardness won over… and that pretty fantasy just had to slip away.
Would he remember me?
I felt a twitch in the corner of my lips; a small temptation to stretch my lips in that characteristic goofy smile of mine. Of course he wouldn’t, that question was just as stupid as thinking that dreams do come true.
He must be twenty two by now, happily engaged or married to the love of his life… like all my former classmates seemed to be nowadays. Taemin and Minho were happily married, living their lives wistfully. My best friend, Jonghyun, was a successful bachelor, turning all the girls into puddles of hot goo with his song writing abilities. How he managed to write those hit lyrics? Still a mystery to me, since that thick headed brunette had been the only student at school that had to repeat his English final exam four times in a row.
Walking down that already forgotten street brought a sense of belonging to my heart. Finally I was back, after 6 years of hard studying abroad. Was I happy? I thought so, not knowing truly if my life could be considerate an envied one. The routine was quite tiring; waking up, going to my art classes, then back to my small apartment just to draw some homeworks, and finally sleeping again while I dreamed of a new day.
I sometimes found myself wondering if there was something else for me out there, and a feeling inside me told me that indeed, there was something missing in my life… and I was the only one able to find what that something was.
It could be a pair of shoes for all I knew.
I think that search deep inside me for something more was the main reason of returning to my small home town. One week has passed, and the same routine has slipped in my life once again… but this time it was a lonelier one, without my family, or my friends for that matter, since they moved to the city after graduating from high school.
A month. That’s all I was giving this town.
Thunders roared unceremoniously in the darkened sky, and knowing it was most likely that a heavy amount of rain was gonna fall soon, I started searching for a nice café with my fogged glasses. Finally heaven started splashing our small town with a windy storm, and people started bumping shoulders without care, eager to make it to safety. I started losing hope of finding shelter when I spotted the coziest coffee shop in the crowded street. A pretty girl in a waitress’s uniform greeted the upcoming costumers with a warm caring smile, and a happy satisfied expression coming from the people sipping their hot beverage could be seen from the big windows at each side of the entrance.
“I found you.” People stared at me weirdly as I kept smiling brightly while watching the café with hungry eyes. Crossing the convulsing street with much effort, I managed to make it to the other side safe and sound. A warm smile greeted me at the entrance, making me smile as well while feeling welcomed.
“Hello Sir. Welcome to The Sugar Cube, let me take your umbrella.” The yellow duck printed umbrella was nicely folded; joining the variety of umbrellas dripping in a black can by the door. Bowing in gratitude at the 5 star treatment, I stepped inside the warm candle scented room; the chirpy sound of the doorbell breaking the calm atmosphere. It was quite crowded, but at the same time it was just right; people minding their own business as they allowed the hot aroma of freshly ground coffee beans fill their senses. Waiters welcomed me courtly, and a tall lanky brown haired boy showed me the way to a small booth at the far corner of the cafeteria.
“Someone will be back shortly to take your order!” Flowers dangled beautifully from outside the glass wall, and the sight of the rain pouring coldly while thunders roared angrily in the sky was simply beautiful. With a huff, I threw the inhuman amount of books on the neatly cleaned table, sighing resignedly as the idea of reading all those textbooks in 3 days finally dawned on me.
“Great Jinki… you were the genius who wanted to be a graphic illustrator.” The low murmur slipped softly in the air, rolling with the sweet scent of honey and cinnamon; a tint of mocca just at the end. Shortly after, a small bouncy girl made her way towards me, menu in hand as she tripped a few times over her excitement.
“Welcome to The Sugar Cube! Here’s the menu. May I recommend you the specialty of the day?? It’s a nice frapuccino with a touch of caramel and chocolate on top.” I quietly placed the handed menu on the table, not even caring to give it a quick glance.
“Do you have something to drink that doesn’t have milk in it?” The bubbly teenager tilted her head to the side, finding my petition odd and out of the ordinary. Everyone in the coffee house was contently sipping beverages with a high content of milk in them, and I couldn’t help but blush as a couple sitting at the front booth eyed me curiously.
“Uhhh yeah… tea?” I nodded mutely, staring intently at the wooden table with fake interest.
“He is lactose intolerant Mimi. Bring him a big cup of cocoa with a milk substitute.”
It was like chocolate… that voice. Definitely chocolate with a hint of cherries too, and my eyes followed that voice’s trail, landing finally on an angel. I swore I heard bells ringing heavenly over my ears as the sight of that flawless human being reached my eyes. Milky white skin, contrasting with that gray knitted sweater that fitted the perfect torso just right, had my mind swaying dizzily. Was I a creep? I think so, but I was too busy shamelessly staring at the bare image of some mythic god from a Greek tragedy to care.
“Oh! I will Mr. Kim!” I nodded awkwardly at the bouncy waitress as she took the unopened menu laying on the cold surface. Time seemed to stop suddenly, and my eyes softly made their way to the chocolate orbs that stared at me with warming tenderness. Thick lashes brushed against soft hued cheekbones, and as the small blink seemed to last an eternity, a distant memory rushed through my mind at once.
“Here Jinki!!! You must be freezing!!” A wide smile spread across my lips as I quickly accepted the hot thermos with freezing hands. The pretty junior eagerly waited for me to open the liquid container, and a chuckle escaped my lips as I took the lid off, letting the warm smell of cocoa fill the chilly air outside of school.
“Hot cocoa? For me?” Incredulous eyes stared at the blushing junior, and as the pretty boy nodded slowly, a pained feeling sunk over me like a ton of concrete over glass. With shaky fingers I closed the container once again, sighing sadly as a hurt expression landed on the younger one.
“I-I’m sorry! Silly of me to think you would actually sip such horrible drink! Sorry.” Before I could even utter a word, the container was quickly torn from my hands, letting the cold air freeze the warm lingering sensation between my fingers. He quickly grabbed his backpack, sliding it hurriedly over his shoulder as he tried to run back to the desolated school building. Like instinct, the firm grip of my hand against his wrist prevented him from disappearing.
“Key wait! I really appreciate the gesture, I really do!! No one has ever been kind enough to make something for me… but…” He turned around, and the way his eyes were slightly watery and glistening gave me an idea how hurt he must have felt. Even though I could see the desire to run away dangling from his chocolate eyes, he still rooted himself to the snow covered ground, intently waiting for a decent explanation.
“It’s embarrassing but… I’m… lactose.. intolerant.” I waited for the laughing, or the snickering, but the sound of the wintery air slipping through the leafless trees was the only thing my ears caught. I looked up, meeting a bright soft smile, and I couldn’t help but smile as well, feeling how love bubbles built hurriedly inside me while soft hands tangled themselves against mine.
“Next time…I shall make you a milk free cocoa.. just for you.”
“Key…” Satisfaction found its way into those soft earthy orbs, and I knew he enjoyed the way his name slipped from my puffed lips. I scrambled off the booth after minutes of awkward staring, and as I slid my lenses to their proper place, I couldn’t help but memorize that face I’ve come to miss over the past 6 years without notice. Never, in my wildest dreams, would I’ve imagined meeting him once again. Our hometown was a very small one though, barely breaching the ten thousand habitants, but until now, I truly comprehended just how SMALL it truly was.
“Long time no see.” A soft gasp was huffed out as a warm body collided against mine. Awkward limbs wrapped themselves around the younger one in my arms, and even though it was just a friendly welcome back hug, my heart couldn’t help but flutter as its erratic beats slammed noisily against my chest.
“You haven’t changed one bit.” I blushed, detangling my arms from the warm body pressed against me. Under the bright lights, I could finally see every lovely detail, remembering those pink lips carved with a natural pout, those long think eyelashes that were perfectly combined with a set of scorching brown eyes. He was beautiful, in my eyes he always was, and after all these years, time oddly hadn’t practiced its effects on the lovely twenty two year old. Time had made him mature, and the only way to compare it was with a flower. He had been such a beautiful bud in high school, myself already predicting he was gonna turned into the most gorgeous rose ever… but how wrong I’ve been… he was no rose, or lilac… not even tulips. He was his own unique breed, with a distinctive mouth watering scent.
“I c-could say the same thing about you. You are just how I remember you…” I wanted to say the word beautiful, but I restrained myself, knowing it would only bring some unneeded awkwardness into the conversation. His soft chuckles warmed my heart, and I dumbly followed him as he pulled me to the booth once again, him taking a seat at the front. Facing him, I noticed interesting things most people couldn’t even note at simple sight. He was not the junior I used to know, almost like an entire different person, but at the same time he was the same, just hidden. They way he moved was more subtle, almost graceful, and that enormously contrasted the bubbly self I had known and love in my teenage days.
We were grownups now, and I could see in his eyes that reality had crashed his teenage dreams just like mine.
“Wow, Lee Jinki… How long has it been? Six years right?” The bouncy waitress came back with a black mug in her hands, and I thanked her politely while taking the hot beverage from her hands.
“Yeah… six years. You have a lovely café by the way. Very welcoming and homey.” Taking a sip, I enjoyed the way his cheeks tainted themselves in that characteristic pink hue, and his delicate hand pulled a loose strand of his black hair back to its place. If he was still the same junior I used to know, he was nervous, loudly displaying it by the way he twisted the loose hair lock between his fingers
“Thank you.. so tell me! How you been? Judging by these books, I take it you’re a graphic illustrator?” I quickly arranged the spilled books on the table, earning a small giggle form the younger one.
“I’m in my last year actually.” He nodded, watching me with interest as I took another sip of the hot substance with marshmallows dancing in it. My taste buds rejoiced with the sweet taste of chocolate, and I couldn’t be happier about it. It was hard nowadays to find a good cup of cocoa, and even harder to find a milk free one.
“That’s great. I remember back in high school how well you drew… all those landscapes.. all those people.”
“I’m not that good at drawing people though… the only one I truly liked is that one drawing I did of you…” It was too late to take it back, and I found myself swimming in embarrassment as Key drowned his face in a red coat that veiled his cheeks and ears nicely. I saw something sparkle in his eyes, hallucinating hurt maybe, but it was gone in seconds.
“You truly haven’t change at all Jinki… I’m glad.”
Something else warmed my insides in that moment… and I knew it wasn’t the cocoa.
---------------------------------------
A new routine found its way into my life after that faithful day. I still got up in the mornings, went to my art classes, but then, instead of returning to a cold lonely apartment, I found myself spending my afternoons in that small coffee shop in the same crowded main avenue. Every day spent with Key, I found myself falling in love all over again. It was like getting to know him for the second time, and frankly I didn’t mind, cause I knew that I could meet him in this life, even the next after that, and faith would still trick my luck into meeting that gorgeous boy all over again. Falling for Kim Kibum was inevitable, and it was an inevitability that I have come to appreciate.
“Jinki come on!! Just help me on this one!” Those pouty lips so close to mine were starting take their effect on me, making my head spin like a rollercoaster out of control. A month has passed, and after all this time, I realized something very important: Key had managed to wrap me around his pretty little finger just like in high school; enjoying pleasantly how I could never find myself saying no…after all this years of absence.
Sighing, I nodded to the sulking twenty two year old, and a smile found its way to my lips as I let the brimming boy drag me to his desired destination.
“Ok little babies! Who wants to get their faces painted?” I cringed when the loud shrieks flowed rapidly to my ears.
It was Children’s Day, and the café was insanely crowded by little boys with their moms. They always hired someone to paint little things in the children’s faces for free, but from what I heard, the young painter was sick, resulting on Key making his pretty pouty way towards me. I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat… but seeing his pouting lips while directing his huge brown eyes at me was quite the sight. Call me crazy… love crazy.
Taking the small painting kit from Key’s hands, I resignedly took a seat in the awaiting chair; a line already formed with approximately 20 kids. I started with something cute, like butterflies and ladybugs, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the giggling mess coming from the small wobbly line. A hand landed on my shoulder and while I painted a small flower on a smooth baby skin, something leaned over me from behind, making me shift nervously. Strong smell of chocolate and cherries burned my nostrils, and I didn’t need to be a genius to know who the owner of that wonderful scent was.
“Thank you. You’re my life saver.” The girl in front of me squeaked as the brush suddenly turned her once clean cheek into an oily mess. Trembling hands tried to steadily hold the soaked brush but my attention was all focused on the soft lips that pressed themselves tenderly against my cheek.
“K-Key?” I could feel him smile against my skin; burning scarlet red by now. Ever so softly, those lips departed, leaving a warm tingling, and almost electrifying sensation, and as I tried to amend the oily mess on the small girl’s cheeks, trying to turn a huge white blur into a bunny, I stole quick glances at the retreating figure. The way that body swayed gratefully through the populated coffee shop should be considerate a sin, but I guess I was the nº1 sinner since I couldn’t stop looking.
That kiss had to mean something; I wanted to be believe strongly in that, cause I knew that the younger one talking softly to the lanky waiter while instructing him all the while, wasn’t the type to just give a kiss out of gratitude.
“Oh God!! Chansung!! You’re back!” I shouldn’t have looked. I shouldn’t have turn around so diligently as those excited words slipped out of those lips that had grazed my cheek moments ago.
Your traces that my heart is filled with
Makes me able to breathe
When the long night is colored by the moonlight
Will the inescapable wait all end?
I wish for a miracle and ask and answer myself
“I missed you so much…”
Yeah… I shouldn’t have looked.
I tried to tear my eyes away from the hugging bodies by the café entrance, but I seemed to be in some kind of spell… and a hurtful one to. The tall built boy named Chansung suddenly picked Key up, making the younger one shriek happily as he was twirled in the air. Everyone in the coffee shop cooed warmly at the display of love, making the couple blush embarrassedly but still keeping their goofy smiles. I tried not to look at the way Key had his arms wrapped around that extended neck, or the way those big manly arms were lazily resting on that slender waist.
Oh, I can’t tell you about me
Who wants to reach your heart
Like the starlight hidden behind the cold clouds
I love you, in the end, this painful confession
That lingers at the edge of my lips slide down in tears
I never stood a chance. Never had, and never will. Maybe I had been so love struck these past few days that I failed to notice Key’s lingering stares directed to the front door; like waiting for his fairytale prince to rescue him at any moment. I felt pathetic now, regretting at last, ever coming to this town. I regretted myself for falling in love all over again for the same person… for my first and my only.
A picture painted itself in the canvas of my mind, and soon I realized it was picture of the way Key’s life was supposed to be. Everything was perfect; his work, his marriage, his kids…everything, and of course, I wasn’t in that perfect picture…and maybe neither Chansung, but he was more close than me of starring in that picture… more worthy.
Pushing my glasses up, I quietly told the eager kids to give me twenty minutes to rest. Surprisingly, they agreed, and as I put all the art supplies away two figures started making their way towards me.
This arrow that’s reached my heart
Feels like a part of my body now
Even though it hurts to death
I can’t remove you, who’s stuck in my heart
Because it’s love
Because for me, it’s love
At some point, my hands started shaking, and as heat crawled its way to every corner of my body, I could feel small droplets of salty water already accumulating in the corner of my eyes. Even when the people I couldn’t face at the moment stopped in front of me, I kept my head down. My heart drummed heavily in my ribcage; like the blood running through my veins had suddenly thickened, making the process of living much harder.
“Jinki I want you to meet someone.” Could words burn? Two minutes ago I would have answered no.
Now, I was a flaming mess.
Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything
“Chansung, this is my high school friend Lee Jinki! Jinki, this is my b-”
“I’m gonna go now Key… I don’t feel so well.”
A hand was placed softly over my shoulder, stopping my actions all together. Even with my heart broken the raven haired boy kept a hold of my heart; pathetic as always. I ignored the silent question, grabbing my coat and my bag. I quickly bowed as an apology, since I was truly embarrassed by my sudden rudeness, but every minute spent in this room was slowly constricting my aching lungs.
“I’ll see you later.”
Slipping my way into the upcoming costumers, I managed to escape. It felt so good to be able to breathe once again, and even though I could still hear Key screaming my name from the inside, I demanded my protesting feet to walk away. That doorbell that had once felt like wind chiming bells, were now just painful reminders of my cruel reality.
I stay up for so many nights
When the starlight becomes rain
That doesn’t stop like my tears
Remember that I loved you
It was raining. It was raining and that didn’t stop me from running down the crowded streets. Water soaked me from head to toe, but I couldn’t be more grateful at the lovely distraction; tears could be quite the distraction. I think this was the first time I didn’t care about what people thought of me, and as I ran with all my strength towards my awaiting apartment, claws dug deep gashes in my heart with every flashback of that sweet lovers’ reunion I had witnessed.
I hadn’t been wrong though. Something had been waiting for me in this town, and I was glad I came back at last. I don’t hold any regrets now, cause in this exact same moment, as rain poured heavily over my pathetic shoulders, I realized Key had never been meant for me.
Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything
Finally I could see the front steps of my apartment, and after climbing up two steps, my body collapsed in the rest; too emotionally drained out to care. People stared worriedly at me, some even stopping to ask if I needed help, but I brushed them off… I turned everyone off as my sobs rocked my body against the concrete.
It hadn’t been cowardness that stopped me for proposing to the young junior back in high school… I knew that now. It had been destiny, cause he was someone else’s love, and who was I to push myself in between them… who was I to paint myself in that pretty picture that starred Key’s happy life, without me?. My cell phone vibrated non-stop, but I didn’t need to glance at the screen to see who it was. It was nice for him to care enough to call, and I really appreciated it, but I needed to be alone. I needed some time to think and to let go, cause god letting go was gonna be the hardest part.
Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I love you, if it’s a place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything
Letting go was gonna be the hardest part, even though it’s only been a month since he slipped into my dreading routine. But I loved him, too much to interfere into his life like this. I knew I couldn’t stay any longer in this town, afraid to hurt the younger one with my cold hurtful attitude, and the idea of worrying him even further only made me sneer in regret.
“I’m leaving this town… I’m forgetting you Key… for good.”
It’s not tough, oh no
Because you have to be mine
In order for you to be you
Even if it hurts
Even if you make me cry
I love you
A scream pierced the sky, quickly drowned with the slamming of the rain against the pavement. The sky was crying now, at least that’s what I wanted to believe at the moment, and as my tears rolled softly from my eyes, mingling themselves messily with the cascading rain, I couldn’t help but love him one more time.
Cause even though he makes me cry… I can’t help but love him back.
Part 2
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->Originally posted on ignyte_passion
->Original entry here