[Round one]: Ramblings
Title: Ramblings
Rating: PG?
Relationship: Buffy and Faith
Word Count: 737
Summary: Faith talking about herself and Buffy
Recipient: Samantha
A/N I'm the worst, I'm sorry this was so late. I have no excuses honestly and I hope it's ok :/
B was the kind of girl I hated in school. Pretty, quirky, popular, a do-gooder to the point of nausea. All I ever wanted to do was get through the day, and I didn’t much care for other people. Not to say I didn’t have friends. This is no pity story, kid. And I didn’t say I hated people, either. Everyone has a place in this stupid world, and mine was just different from everyone else’s.
Maybe that was why we have a hard time getting along. But I guess sisters don’t always want to braid each others’ hair and shop talk. (Dawn is different, ok? I’ll always braid her hair and talk about boy bands with her). Sometimes sisters just scrape and tussle and watch each other bleed. B and I - we’re so different, but so much the same you know? And neither of us want to admit how alike we actually are, or how much we would rather be more like the other. Or whatever.
It makes sense, though. B tries so hard to be what everyone wants her to be. A role model. A good mom. The good slayer. The best friend. She got up on a pedestal and looked around and decided the view was ok but the fall was too far. She really wants to be the best she can be, you know? You can tell just from looking at her, I think. She has this aura; she just radiates perfection and truth. It’s not effortless, of course. If you look closely you can see the determination and sweat and grime behind the white teeth and bouncy hair.
I tried to live that life, but the limited boundaries of being so perfect all the time was terrible. I mean, it’s not like I want to be a bad person and murder people and break the rules and laws and not care about anything. I think people assume I’m the “bad girl” type, and I guess that means I do everything the opposite of someone like B. Maybe I play into that, making sure to meet everyone’s low expectations of me. What is that thing that girl cartoon says? “I’m not bad, I was just drawn this way”? Kinda funny and ironic, a cartoon saying that. But I get it, you know?
I have this vision - maybe it’s a memory, or maybe I just made it up - of the two of us sitting down and having a dumb conversation about nothing, eating something bad for us, sharing a bottle of cheap wine, laughing and just being next to each other without fighting. Maybe her friends showed up, maybe they never really existed. Maybe Dawn came downstairs and chided us for keeping her up on a school night, sneaking a sip of wine and a handful of junk food. B pretends not to see, and she winks at me. It’s just a moment, or maybe a whole night, but it’s the best I’ve got.
I don’t mind the fighting, really. I’m scrappy myself, and bickering and biting and scratching is pure emotion. That’s my world, baby. Emotion, pain, dirt. I thrive on it. When it comes to her, I don’t mind how we act together. B is… someone I can’t live with, can’t live without. I don’t know how she got to me, but I think sisters just have that sort of quality. You’re wondering why I keep calling her a sister. Yeah, we’re not really related. But we’re slayers - there’s a bloodline in that for sure. We’re cut from the same cloth, and maybe that’s why we both have frayed edges.
Look, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression from all of this. B and I will always have it out for each other, probably. Is she the good and I’m the evil? Doubt it. Neither of us can commit to something that defining. Do I love her? Of course. If you couldn’t figure at least that out in my rambling, you should probably pay more attention. Does she love me? I think she does, in her own way that no one will ever understand. What does all of it mean? I don’t know. Maybe nothing, maybe everything. Finding the reason for anything isn’t exactly my style. I just wanted you to know this, because I doubt anyone would believe it unless I said it out loud.
Rating: PG?
Relationship: Buffy and Faith
Word Count: 737
Summary: Faith talking about herself and Buffy
Recipient: Samantha
A/N I'm the worst, I'm sorry this was so late. I have no excuses honestly and I hope it's ok :/
B was the kind of girl I hated in school. Pretty, quirky, popular, a do-gooder to the point of nausea. All I ever wanted to do was get through the day, and I didn’t much care for other people. Not to say I didn’t have friends. This is no pity story, kid. And I didn’t say I hated people, either. Everyone has a place in this stupid world, and mine was just different from everyone else’s.
Maybe that was why we have a hard time getting along. But I guess sisters don’t always want to braid each others’ hair and shop talk. (Dawn is different, ok? I’ll always braid her hair and talk about boy bands with her). Sometimes sisters just scrape and tussle and watch each other bleed. B and I - we’re so different, but so much the same you know? And neither of us want to admit how alike we actually are, or how much we would rather be more like the other. Or whatever.
It makes sense, though. B tries so hard to be what everyone wants her to be. A role model. A good mom. The good slayer. The best friend. She got up on a pedestal and looked around and decided the view was ok but the fall was too far. She really wants to be the best she can be, you know? You can tell just from looking at her, I think. She has this aura; she just radiates perfection and truth. It’s not effortless, of course. If you look closely you can see the determination and sweat and grime behind the white teeth and bouncy hair.
I tried to live that life, but the limited boundaries of being so perfect all the time was terrible. I mean, it’s not like I want to be a bad person and murder people and break the rules and laws and not care about anything. I think people assume I’m the “bad girl” type, and I guess that means I do everything the opposite of someone like B. Maybe I play into that, making sure to meet everyone’s low expectations of me. What is that thing that girl cartoon says? “I’m not bad, I was just drawn this way”? Kinda funny and ironic, a cartoon saying that. But I get it, you know?
I have this vision - maybe it’s a memory, or maybe I just made it up - of the two of us sitting down and having a dumb conversation about nothing, eating something bad for us, sharing a bottle of cheap wine, laughing and just being next to each other without fighting. Maybe her friends showed up, maybe they never really existed. Maybe Dawn came downstairs and chided us for keeping her up on a school night, sneaking a sip of wine and a handful of junk food. B pretends not to see, and she winks at me. It’s just a moment, or maybe a whole night, but it’s the best I’ve got.
I don’t mind the fighting, really. I’m scrappy myself, and bickering and biting and scratching is pure emotion. That’s my world, baby. Emotion, pain, dirt. I thrive on it. When it comes to her, I don’t mind how we act together. B is… someone I can’t live with, can’t live without. I don’t know how she got to me, but I think sisters just have that sort of quality. You’re wondering why I keep calling her a sister. Yeah, we’re not really related. But we’re slayers - there’s a bloodline in that for sure. We’re cut from the same cloth, and maybe that’s why we both have frayed edges.
Look, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression from all of this. B and I will always have it out for each other, probably. Is she the good and I’m the evil? Doubt it. Neither of us can commit to something that defining. Do I love her? Of course. If you couldn’t figure at least that out in my rambling, you should probably pay more attention. Does she love me? I think she does, in her own way that no one will ever understand. What does all of it mean? I don’t know. Maybe nothing, maybe everything. Finding the reason for anything isn’t exactly my style. I just wanted you to know this, because I doubt anyone would believe it unless I said it out loud.