To be humble is a virtue.....
Sometimes, based on the things that people tell me about myself I feel I should have an ego the size of Montana. The thing is I don't. I hope to god I never do, for to not be humble, means you can never grow. I like growth, I'm a big fan of laying things on the table and people telling me what's up and me telling them the same. It may help that I know a lot of amazing people that should also have egos the size of Montana and don't. I admire these people because they know they are amazing and awesome and fucking talented, and I have no problem telling them how talented they are, but it's not that they don't believe in themselves, they are just humble.
I enjoy and hate the fact that I feel like I should have felt at 20 or 21. I am a full time college student at 26. That's wierd. At 21 I was making $30,000 plus a year as a secretary and miserable. I am fairly happy now and have $20 to my name until I work again, I need to do my laundry, I depend on my mother, what the hell? Tonight I saw some people, a couple saw me at work doing my thing cornered me and were like you are an amazing singer, others saw the show and were like you are a diva, and others were like you are hot. I am none of these things. I am simply a girl who likes to sing, perform, and try to look cute most of the time. I'm just a dude. As much as I love attention, I only like it when it doesn't make me look like an asshole. I don't know.
I talked to my roomate Melissa tonight at length, and realized something really crazy, which I kind of knew but am scared of. As cheesy as it may seem to everyone, me auditioning for Roosevelt was a big deal in my heart, like crazy big deal. That is one of the closest things I did to accomplishing a big dream other then going back to college in general. I honestly didn't think I was good enough, and honestly I almost walked out of the building minutes before my audition 'cause I didn't think I was good enough. That's just so crazy, and I have no idea if I'm gonna get in, and if I do, well that means I did something that my heart truly wanted. I mean I don't know what I will do, maybe spontaneously combust.
I know I can sing. I know I am smart. I just however choose to live as if I have neither of these things, and need to learn how to do them better all the time. What is that? Also I fucking will do anything for the people I truly love. I think Amy is a good example of that. If anyone knows in depth who Amy is then you know what;s up, if not then you probly don't know me that well. AAAAGH! Okay I obviously need to go to sleep too much late night rambling.
My point is........I like having minimal ego no matter how much haters wanna hate, I detest passive aggressiveness, and I give everything to the people I truly love and trust which I can count on one hand, life is good.
I need to remember that.
I think I need to move. urgh.
I enjoy and hate the fact that I feel like I should have felt at 20 or 21. I am a full time college student at 26. That's wierd. At 21 I was making $30,000 plus a year as a secretary and miserable. I am fairly happy now and have $20 to my name until I work again, I need to do my laundry, I depend on my mother, what the hell? Tonight I saw some people, a couple saw me at work doing my thing cornered me and were like you are an amazing singer, others saw the show and were like you are a diva, and others were like you are hot. I am none of these things. I am simply a girl who likes to sing, perform, and try to look cute most of the time. I'm just a dude. As much as I love attention, I only like it when it doesn't make me look like an asshole. I don't know.
I talked to my roomate Melissa tonight at length, and realized something really crazy, which I kind of knew but am scared of. As cheesy as it may seem to everyone, me auditioning for Roosevelt was a big deal in my heart, like crazy big deal. That is one of the closest things I did to accomplishing a big dream other then going back to college in general. I honestly didn't think I was good enough, and honestly I almost walked out of the building minutes before my audition 'cause I didn't think I was good enough. That's just so crazy, and I have no idea if I'm gonna get in, and if I do, well that means I did something that my heart truly wanted. I mean I don't know what I will do, maybe spontaneously combust.
I know I can sing. I know I am smart. I just however choose to live as if I have neither of these things, and need to learn how to do them better all the time. What is that? Also I fucking will do anything for the people I truly love. I think Amy is a good example of that. If anyone knows in depth who Amy is then you know what;s up, if not then you probly don't know me that well. AAAAGH! Okay I obviously need to go to sleep too much late night rambling.
My point is........I like having minimal ego no matter how much haters wanna hate, I detest passive aggressiveness, and I give everything to the people I truly love and trust which I can count on one hand, life is good.
I need to remember that.
I think I need to move. urgh.