I know we aren't exactly close, but I wanted to share a few words of support, with a touch of free advice (which could be invaluable or may end up being worth exactly what you paid for it.)
Remember, it's okay to be scared. As wrong as this situation may feel, your feelings about it seem normal and appropriate.
I know it sounds cliche, but I would highly recommend creating a "happy place" in your mind. When you start to feel anxious about this subject decide to practice visualizing yourself in your happy place.
This isn't just a tactic to calm yourself now. The idea is that when you go into this procedure, you probably will want something other than the exam to focus on and if you have practiced developing and using your "happy place" before hand, you will be more likely to access it in the stress of that moment.
So, it's meant to do double duty: it gives you something useful to do now to make tomorrow (or whenever) better and it makes that uncomfortable moment a little less emotionally uncomfortable.
While it might not help you as much, another suggest is to get aggressive with your anxiety and every time it makes you feel weak or overly scared, remind yourself that not only are you strong, but this is your decision and that no one is forcing you to do this. You have decided to go through pain and discomfort in the short term so that you can live a longer and healthier life and there is nothing weak or powerless about that. As a matter of fact, you are brave... not because of your lack of fear, but instead because of your determination to face and fight it. (And if you are willing to internalize that, or at least tell yourself that loudly and strongly whenever the anxiety starts to get to you, it may help to offset those feelings.)
It seems that that is good advise. I want to block it out of my mind till i have to go in, however its hard top stop thinking about it. The unknown is the worst i think, I am also very scared that it will make me different somehow. I now that sounds stupid as i type it, but really... there are fears that ppl won't think of me the same if i do have Cancer, that scares me. The pain during and after scares me. The thought of being a loan scares me.
You don't have to do this alone. Even if your friends don't get it or understand, you will find people who do. There are plenty of people who have lived through the same things you are. There are support groups and online discussion groups that are all about bring you together with people who can relate (as well as those that can tell you important information like what makes a good doctor in this field and what makes a crappy one.)
I'm not going to lie to you and say everyone will always be there for you when you need them... But your real friends will (assuming you let them know that that is what you want and need.) But whether your friends are reliable or not hasn't changed because of the possibility of cancer.
And yeah, some people may not know how to react or may treat you a little different at first, but as they get more comfortable with the idea that you are still you, they will show you they are your friends by chilling the f**k out. Some of them may need you to kindly point out that they are being weird and need to quit it, because they may not get that they are treating you differently... Or they may need you to let them know that it's okay to just chill, because they may be overly worried or concerned... But remember, a person who's acting weird because they are worried is just someone who loves you and is having their own social issues. It's not a commentary on you.
There is a lot you might not know, and it's totally nature to be scared of that. Remember the only part of this you really don't have any control over is whether or not you have cancer. You get to choose whether or not you get tested. You get to choose how you react to this knowledge (which ever way it goes.) You get to choose how much research you do and how much information you learn on this (or any other) subject. You get to choose which treatments you do or don't take (no matter what the disease or circumstance is.) You get to choose how you live your life and how you react to your friends and families. While you aren't all powerful, you have a lot you can control and even more that you can strongly influence.
Yes, this may change you, but everything in life changes us somehow. That's how we learn and grow. And I think it's very normal to be afraid of change, but it doesn't have to be all bad. The changes that happen with in you can be strong and motivating life lessons.
For example, David had a life threatening experience where he spent 10 months in extraordinary pain. While it wasn't a good experience by a long shot, he came out of it with a new respect for life. He is less materialistic and he is able to live and appreciate the moments of his life better. The physical changes were bad (horrific even), but the mental change was closer to a new lease on life.
I'm not trying to say your experience will be like David's (especially since his experience wasn't with cancer), but I've heard of a lot of people who have come out of life threatening situations stronger, wiser, and with more to live for.
Oh, and about the whole stopping the thoughts thing... that's great if you can learn how to do it, but sometimes its easier to change your thoughts instead of stopping them. When you hear a thought in your head that sounds negative or defeating, stop and actively challenge the thought. Don't try to deny it's existence, but instead face it head on and consciously argue it out. And if you have difficultly convincing arguing the positive side, either fake it till you make... or this would be a great place to do that pro/con list (or even a "this is what I can control"/"this is what I can't control" list.)
Remember, it's okay to be scared. As wrong as this situation may feel, your feelings about it seem normal and appropriate.
I know it sounds cliche, but I would highly recommend creating a "happy place" in your mind. When you start to feel anxious about this subject decide to practice visualizing yourself in your happy place.
This isn't just a tactic to calm yourself now. The idea is that when you go into this procedure, you probably will want something other than the exam to focus on and if you have practiced developing and using your "happy place" before hand, you will be more likely to access it in the stress of that moment.
So, it's meant to do double duty: it gives you something useful to do now to make tomorrow (or whenever) better and it makes that uncomfortable moment a little less emotionally uncomfortable.
While it might not help you as much, another suggest is to get aggressive with your anxiety and every time it makes you feel weak or overly scared, remind yourself that not only are you strong, but this is your decision and that no one is forcing you to do this. You have decided to go through pain and discomfort in the short term so that you can live a longer and healthier life and there is nothing weak or powerless about that. As a matter of fact, you are brave... not because of your lack of fear, but instead because of your determination to face and fight it. (And if you are willing to internalize that, or at least tell yourself that loudly and strongly whenever the anxiety starts to get to you, it may help to offset those feelings.)
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Thank you,
Hobbit
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I'm not going to lie to you and say everyone will always be there for you when you need them... But your real friends will (assuming you let them know that that is what you want and need.) But whether your friends are reliable or not hasn't changed because of the possibility of cancer.
And yeah, some people may not know how to react or may treat you a little different at first, but as they get more comfortable with the idea that you are still you, they will show you they are your friends by chilling the f**k out. Some of them may need you to kindly point out that they are being weird and need to quit it, because they may not get that they are treating you differently... Or they may need you to let them know that it's okay to just chill, because they may be overly worried or concerned... But remember, a person who's acting weird because they are worried is just someone who loves you and is having their own social issues. It's not a commentary on you.
There is a lot you might not know, and it's totally nature to be scared of that. Remember the only part of this you really don't have any control over is whether or not you have cancer. You get to choose whether or not you get tested. You get to choose how you react to this knowledge (which ever way it goes.) You get to choose how much research you do and how much information you learn on this (or any other) subject. You get to choose which treatments you do or don't take (no matter what the disease or circumstance is.) You get to choose how you live your life and how you react to your friends and families. While you aren't all powerful, you have a lot you can control and even more that you can strongly influence.
Yes, this may change you, but everything in life changes us somehow. That's how we learn and grow. And I think it's very normal to be afraid of change, but it doesn't have to be all bad. The changes that happen with in you can be strong and motivating life lessons.
For example, David had a life threatening experience where he spent 10 months in extraordinary pain. While it wasn't a good experience by a long shot, he came out of it with a new respect for life. He is less materialistic and he is able to live and appreciate the moments of his life better. The physical changes were bad (horrific even), but the mental change was closer to a new lease on life.
I'm not trying to say your experience will be like David's (especially since his experience wasn't with cancer), but I've heard of a lot of people who have come out of life threatening situations stronger, wiser, and with more to live for.
Oh, and about the whole stopping the thoughts thing... that's great if you can learn how to do it, but sometimes its easier to change your thoughts instead of stopping them. When you hear a thought in your head that sounds negative or defeating, stop and actively challenge the thought. Don't try to deny it's existence, but instead face it head on and consciously argue it out. And if you have difficultly convincing arguing the positive side, either fake it till you make... or this would be a great place to do that pro/con list (or even a "this is what I can control"/"this is what I can't control" list.)
Okay, I'll stop blabbering now.
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Thank you, you have at least given me something to think more about.
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