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[muh_is_god]

well i feel like shit. i have not felt this fucking gutted in so long. I tried so hard to be as normal as possible tonight when all i wanted to do was get up and give her a hug and a kiss. I didnt want it to be awkward. I knew it would be but at least i made a fucking effort. I feel like i have just been dismissed, like i dont even matter. Being

Comments

[bcz17]

Did you bollocks want to hug her at all. She tried, and you know she did, and you once again just told to to go away. How dare you treat her with such disrespect when she went with you to talk and tried to do whatever she could.
You also know for a fact that you did not want to go to the juke box. And perhaps if you did, and you asked her, and she didn't hear, then so fuck? Ask again. Common Sense.
Don't be so dramatic. It CUT DEEPER? God that's so incredibly painful, she didn't hear something you said. She would never ignore anybody on purpose, you know that, because she would never be so ignorant.

You know what it's like to feel as though you don't matter then. I'm glad you know what it's like. Don't you think that you asking where sara and jennie are all the time gets to me? You didn't even bother asking where anyone else might be, when we're supposed to be a group of friends. One of the first things i heard you say every morning was 'where are the goffs?' 'where's sara and jennie?'. It felt as though you wouldn't give a shit whether i was there or not. And who gets the 'private conversations'? Sara does. Who do you talk to on msn? Not me that's for sure, probably Sara. Would you care if i was 'okay with you'? Probably not, cos you bot sara to much to care what anyone else thinks. You think that as long as everything is ok with you and sara, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. That's wrong and disrespectful to everyone else.
I'd like to know what you think of your friends. And how much they mean to you. Because i don't think they mean very much. Personally, i think you're lucky to have had such lovely people as friends. The entire group is something different to any group i've ever been in.
I'd love to know what you think of yourself too. It seems that you think you are the most amazing thing on two legs. You're so wrong. No one who makes another person cry can ever be so nice.
You think everyone else is stupid. Well you know, perhaps i am, cos i never doubt anything someone i love as friend says, and i didn't with you, but now i know how much you lie.
You don't deserve a kind word or a hug for the 'hurt' from the break up with her. You already had people around you when that day happened. You're not the one who's hurting more.
I'm incredibly gutted about the person you have become. You don't know near how sad i am about you. You've hurt so many people, and you go around thinking you're God, and you're not. You're not anymore special than anyone else, just like me.

How many people do have a kind understanding family to talk to?

You'd better think fast about something to say, at least if you care enough to be friends with me again.

[muh_is_god]

I did want to hug her. I asked her not to touch me because i didnt want to cry and i knew i would if she showed compassion after i finished her. Thats why i didnt get up and hug her at the beginning of the night.

I know she wouldnt ignore anyone on purpose. I know she isnt the kind of person that would do that. But i had had a few drinks before i went out and i over reacted. Obv i can see that now but i couldnt last night.

Yes i do often ask where they are. But to be honest i often feel like im getting on your nerves and i have no idea what to say to you. I find it difficult to know how to act around you because you are so quiet and because of that i feel like i need more people around to make conversation. I know you dont like me talking about the things i normally talk about so im never quite sure what to say.

I care about everyone being "okay with" me. But most people seem like they always are. Sometimes Sara comes out with something and im not sure if she is serious or not so i check. You have never seemed off with me so i havnt checked. Subtlty isnt the best way to go with me so if you have tried to show that you have a problem then i wont have picked up on it. I wont have even realised. I apologise for that. I didnt know that you disliked me. I wish i had known. I would have done something about it.

I do know how lucky i am (maybe the word is now was) to have a group of friends like that. Im not very good at showing how much i actually give a shit about people. I do give a shit but the only way i really know of showing it is to buy people stuff, but i havnt had enough money to do that so i just try to share my tabs and have partys to try and show it. I know its not the best way to show it but its what i have grown up with and i dont know how else except to go all soppy and if i did that i would feel like a fool.

I dont think that i am the most amazing thing on two legs. It may come across that i do but i have just as many problems with myself and self hates as every body else. Sometimes it feels like i have more. and i often feel like they will take over my life if i dont act as though i dont care or havnt noticed what is wrong with me.

I dont think everyone is stupid. Not at all. I try to act more intelligent than i am to impress people alot of the time but that doesnt mean i think everyone is stupid.

I didnt say i was hurting more. I said i was hurting too. You are all right, i did lie about why i split up with her. There was one reason and one reason only. But i felt too fucking stupid to tell anyone because i didnt think people would know what i ment and that no one would want to hear it. I didnt think for one second that i was hurting even half as much as she was though.

I had no idea i had changed that much. I had no idea that i was hurting so many people. If i had realised i would have stopped it. I know im not special, i know im not important and i know now that im not who i thought i was. If you can still bear to speak to me after this i would like to know what i can do to change it.

[bcz17]

I advise you to start being honest. So fuck if you're going to look stupid, because you look stupid already. Just tell the truth. You also need to tell Leigh the one and true real reason why you left her. But i mean, you're obviously going to need time to think about what that could be, cos if there was a real reason, it should have been given to her at the time. You can't go messing people about.
If you're planning on coming tomorrow, and explaining everything, then fair do. There's not exactly going to be a nice time to do it. But you certainly should not take anyone off to explain different things, because there'll be no truth in any of it. Everyone knows that now.

In response to your comment. You did not 'ask' Leigh to not touch you, so don't go trying to cover up yourself. Your language and actions towards some people is disgraceful, and i hope you feel ashamed. How bad do you want people to feel?
How dare you try and cover anything that happened last night due to you having some drinks before you came out. Fair enough, people do things sometimes which they shouldn't do, but you act unfair a lot of the time.
So the reason why i feel you leave me out is because i'm quiet? That's no excuse. It's not hard to think about something other than sex to talk about. Are you honestly saying that you can't talk to me, because i don't enjoy talking about who you slept with recently?
I am not subtle. I'm patient and i accept most things that are given to me. You just don't care about what those who you know you can walk over think.
Ok, so you buy people things and you share tabs? I think i was the only person who didn't get a card this year off you. And you're one of the most selfish people i know.

You can change this yourself. You're human like anyone else, if you think, you'll come up with something. Especially whne you know that we're probably the most accepting people you'll ever find.

I just want to let you know, i'll know exactly if you'll have explained everything or not.