(no subject)
well i feel like shit. i have not felt this fucking gutted in so long. I tried so hard to be as normal as possible tonight when all i wanted to do was get up and give her a hug and a kiss. I didnt want it to be awkward. I knew it would be but at least i made a fucking effort. I feel like i have just been dismissed, like i dont even matter. Being told that i wasnt heard just cut deeper and made me feel like she doesnt even want to hear what i have to say, even if it is just a joke.
And tbh i also feel like i have to be nearly in tears before my friends notice that im upset. Fair enough you were all supporting her and trying to make her feel better but im hurting aswell you know. Im not saying that i want you to abandon everyone else for me but a kind word or a hug would be nice.
I feel so utterly shit and alone. I dont have a kind understanding family to talk to. And if its going to be this awkward and this upsetting every time then i dont think i can handle it. I want to sort this out but what the hell can i say to change it?
I feel like going to sleep and never waking up. It would make things easier for everyone.
And tbh i also feel like i have to be nearly in tears before my friends notice that im upset. Fair enough you were all supporting her and trying to make her feel better but im hurting aswell you know. Im not saying that i want you to abandon everyone else for me but a kind word or a hug would be nice.
I feel so utterly shit and alone. I dont have a kind understanding family to talk to. And if its going to be this awkward and this upsetting every time then i dont think i can handle it. I want to sort this out but what the hell can i say to change it?
I feel like going to sleep and never waking up. It would make things easier for everyone.