(no subject)
Title- Because he didn't know (part 2)
Chapter- drabble ish
Author- mugimugul
Genre- Romance, Angst
Rating- PG-13
Pairings- Aoi/Uruha
Disclaimers - Sad to say, but I own nothing. (except the story).
Synopsis: Sequel to Because he didn't know sorta
It’s been six months since that night Aoi came to his room, but nothing has really changed between them- Uruha is still avoiding the elder as much as he could. The difference was in the reasons as to why it was done; while it had been to protect himself before, now… it was to protect him. He can see it- the spark of hurt that flickers in those eyes when he instinctively shifts away as the elder leans in close, and he regrets it every single time. He doesn’t mean to; doesn’t mean to move away, doesn’t mean to hurt him, doesn’t mean to be so utterly in love with the raven haired guitarist, but he is, and he wants to be able to love him. But every time he tries, he can’t help the sudden surge of fear within him, and he jerks away yet again.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to love him… but he’s scared of loving him. Because he doesn’t understand why someone so perfect would love such an imperfect him. And he doesn’t understand why the elder is still here- staying by his side; doesn’t understand how he can stand it. And he knows that he will leave one day- just like everyone else will, when they see his imperfections. He knows, and he thinks he’s ready for it, but when the absence of the other guitarist sends him reeling in a spat of panic, he knows he’s not- and he secretly doubts he ever will be.
He wonders if Aoi knows; if Aoi could see through his masks, see his wants, his longings, just the way he did before. He wonders if Aoi could see what he’s doing to him; the endless thoughts that haunt his sleepless nights; the fear of losing him that plagues his dreams; the love that’s burning his tortured soul. He wonders… if Aoi knew how painful it was to be in love with someone you’re not meant to be with; wonders if he knows the gut wrenching pain that rips at him every time they are together, but yet, the piercing hurt that’s slowly killing him when they’re not. And he’s not sure if it’s a healthy relationship, because he’s never been in love with anyone as much as he’s in love with the elder, but he doesn’t think that love should hurt. Not this much. Not ever.
Knock knock. Uruha stalks to the door, pinching the bridge of his nose with a tired sigh as he throws the door open. His weary eyes widen when they register his twilight guest as Aoi, the elder pushing him back into his apartment as he stumbles in close after.
“Wha-” Uruha barely gets out, before he’s silenced by a desperate kiss, those familiar lips trailing fiery kisses down his neck and screw it, he thinks as he moans and pulls the elder’s lips back up to meet his. Aoi pulls back, hungry eyes softening as he strokes Uruha’s face tenderly, eyes dancing with a messy swirl of emotions. Uruha reaches up to gently smooth a thumb across his eyes as if to erase those emotions. Even if he couldn’t quite comprehend them, he knew that he didn’t like them. He didn’t like seeing Aoi so… lost, so sad. And he wishes he could take it all from him, because it’s enough that he’s hurting from their relationship.
“…Hi…” Aoi whispers as the silence drags on between them, and Uruha almost laughs at the very belated greeting. But instead, he smiles slightly, and whispers back.
“Hi.”
“I…” Aoi starts off, frowning when he realizes that he didn’t know how to continue, didn’t know what the right words were to express himself.
“…Did something happen?”
“No, I… just really needed to see you.” Uruha gasps at the sudden confession, heart leaping with those simple words as he too falters for words to say.
“No, that’s not right… I…” Aoi trails off again, growling as he runs a hand through his hair in frustration.
“I love you.” He states firmly, determined eyes boring into Uruha as if telling him to just listen, as the raven haired guitarist continues to speak.
“Really, I do. So, so much, it drives me insane! I can’t stop thinking of you; I can’t sleep… sometimes, I feel like I can’t even breathe! I love you, Kou… But it hurts, you know? Because you just… you don’t let me in. Why, Kou? Why won’t you let me in? I’ve been telling myself to hold on, because one day… one day we’ll be alright. But it just hurts more and more and I don’t know what to do anymore…”
“I… love you too…” Aoi sighs, his tensed shoulders dropping into a tired slouch when Uruha interrupts, voice small and quiet.
“I know that, Kou but… Why won’t you let me love you?”
And Uruha suddenly doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to think- not when he’s looking at him with such pain filled, broken eyes. Not when he can see it all- his heart, his soul- when he looks into the depths of his eyes. And he doesn’t know what to say, because he just feels so… stupid, really. All his worries, all his fears just seemed so insignificant when he’s faced with Aoi- the man he loves; the man who’s hurting just as much as he is. He doesn’t know what to say to express himself, doesn’t know what to say to stop him hurting… doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t. Just reaches up to snake his arms around the elder’s neck as he pulls him into a heated kiss, and lets himself be taken away.
I love you.