Tick Tock
Private
Well, I just received some interesting news from a friend. Jessica and I have been friends since primary school, and though we haven't kept in close contact since we were teenagers, we still chat often via email.
Anyway, she e-mailed me earlier today, telling me that--surprise!--she's pregnant. Two months. Baby's due in the end of October. I really shouldn't be surprised. Thirty-two is not a young age to have children. She's just the first of my friends to have a child, and so it's somewhat odd thinking of someone I knew as a child actually *having* one. It was just as odd when she was married, really.
I don't know, the news has just made me think about things. Jess and a couple other people I know are all happily married. Amy has been going out with someone for ages, and really it wouldn't surprise me if they became engaged sometime.
And then there's me. I can count the number of serious relationships I've had on one hand. I've just never seemed to have time, there was always something else I was concentrating on: school, work. And probably because I've never been the type blokes look at with interest, I've completely missed all the lessons in dating, flirting, etc. which others seemed to learn so easily.
It's not that I think I need someone. I don't. I'm not less of a person without some man surgically attached to me at the hip, not somehow incomplete. But I'm human. I want the same things as everyone else. Someone who loves them and someone to love, and not because they're a relation. Someone to cuddle with, to share moments with, to talk with. I want children of my own someday, not just someone else's children to teach.
I have friends, here at Hogwarts and elsewhere. I have family. I have wonderful colleagues and students. But still at rare moments, particularly when I'm alone in my rooms at night, I feel rather lonely.
Nor is it just my biological clock ticking. I have the virtue of time on my side, as I'm a witch, though I know that will rob me of friends and family, moreso than with Muggles. When my Muggle friends are in their seventies, I'll be in my middle age. And in most cases, unless I tell them about my...gift, our separation will not be due to death. There will come a time when the fact that I'm not aging as rapidly will become rather obvious. It already is a bit--last time I visited Jessica she commented on the fact that I haven't any crows' feet or other facial lines starting. I excused it as good genes then, but as we both grow older, it will become more and more obvious. Her hair will go grey long before mine, her face more lined. And I'll have to mke the decision then, perhaps not terribly long from now, whether I tell her the truth or whether I find a way to keep my distance, or to sever the connection entirely. I don't know that she's someone I can tell, for reasons I won't get into now. Besides, there is that over-arching rule of secrecy. At the moment, only my parents and Amy know my secret.
And God help me, right now I haven't a clue as to what to do on either account. I know at the moment there are other things in the wizarding world to worry about, but even with such a threat hanging over our heads, it's hard not to think of the small things as well.
Well, I just received some interesting news from a friend. Jessica and I have been friends since primary school, and though we haven't kept in close contact since we were teenagers, we still chat often via email.
Anyway, she e-mailed me earlier today, telling me that--surprise!--she's pregnant. Two months. Baby's due in the end of October. I really shouldn't be surprised. Thirty-two is not a young age to have children. She's just the first of my friends to have a child, and so it's somewhat odd thinking of someone I knew as a child actually *having* one. It was just as odd when she was married, really.
I don't know, the news has just made me think about things. Jess and a couple other people I know are all happily married. Amy has been going out with someone for ages, and really it wouldn't surprise me if they became engaged sometime.
And then there's me. I can count the number of serious relationships I've had on one hand. I've just never seemed to have time, there was always something else I was concentrating on: school, work. And probably because I've never been the type blokes look at with interest, I've completely missed all the lessons in dating, flirting, etc. which others seemed to learn so easily.
It's not that I think I need someone. I don't. I'm not less of a person without some man surgically attached to me at the hip, not somehow incomplete. But I'm human. I want the same things as everyone else. Someone who loves them and someone to love, and not because they're a relation. Someone to cuddle with, to share moments with, to talk with. I want children of my own someday, not just someone else's children to teach.
I have friends, here at Hogwarts and elsewhere. I have family. I have wonderful colleagues and students. But still at rare moments, particularly when I'm alone in my rooms at night, I feel rather lonely.
Nor is it just my biological clock ticking. I have the virtue of time on my side, as I'm a witch, though I know that will rob me of friends and family, moreso than with Muggles. When my Muggle friends are in their seventies, I'll be in my middle age. And in most cases, unless I tell them about my...gift, our separation will not be due to death. There will come a time when the fact that I'm not aging as rapidly will become rather obvious. It already is a bit--last time I visited Jessica she commented on the fact that I haven't any crows' feet or other facial lines starting. I excused it as good genes then, but as we both grow older, it will become more and more obvious. Her hair will go grey long before mine, her face more lined. And I'll have to mke the decision then, perhaps not terribly long from now, whether I tell her the truth or whether I find a way to keep my distance, or to sever the connection entirely. I don't know that she's someone I can tell, for reasons I won't get into now. Besides, there is that over-arching rule of secrecy. At the moment, only my parents and Amy know my secret.
And God help me, right now I haven't a clue as to what to do on either account. I know at the moment there are other things in the wizarding world to worry about, but even with such a threat hanging over our heads, it's hard not to think of the small things as well.