1826 days

[muffinmanjonas]

1826 days since my mom died

1826 days is 5 years

for some reason this year is the hardest year yet... harder than the day i found out.

but, strangely enough, this year i have fewer people to talk to than ever before as well.

none of you are my friends. not anyone reading this is someone i can call if i need to

Comments

[visualsounds]

This is ridiculous. If you feel that people on here aren't your friends and that you can't talk to them then that's on you because I try to keep a running text dialogue with you that always dies out with me being the last to communicate and you still haven't returned my call.

And you've been doing this same thing for years. And I know for a fact that people try to contact you and you blow them off. It's like you want your friends to have to prove themselves to you by being the ones that incessantly badger you with communication and force you to speak to them when they are truly your friends and want you to be happy so they take a hint from your lack of correspondence and leave you alone assuming that is what you want. Friendship is a two way street and you can't expect others to be the only ones putting forth effort.

[muffinmanjonas]

First off... I didn't say that it wasn't my fault, so lay off

[visualsounds]

First, I assumed you'd rather do something about a thing that is bothering you rather than complain.

Second, you consistently criticize people for using reasons like it's their birthday or anniversary or whatever to get special treatment, so.

Third, that's right but it's not for lack of trying.

Fourth, okay, I can understand that, but you should've communicated this to me awhile ago.

[muffinmanjonas]

sorry for speaking my mind in my journal, next time i will remember that i can only talk about negative things that need to be worked on.

using a birthday as an excuse to be a bitch and saying that you grilling me on our nonexistant friendship and how it is all my fault when i was posting about the death of my mother are completely different things.

not for a lack of trying? YOU WOULDNT LET ME TALK TO YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM FOR SIX MONTHS! and after that event you call me about half dozen times. im not sure that qualifies for the type of effort you seem to believe you are wasting on me. it isnt like you ever tried to mend the relationship, it isnt like you called me weekly for a month or two without response. im not so sure you really have any idea how much you hurt me and how little either of us did to fix that.

sorry, now you know

[visualsounds]

This is exhaustive and counterproductive. I only feel the need to explain that I wouldn't talk to you because it was obvious that I had to make a clean break of things or I could never progress in a relationship with someone else. Then I thought we could start a friendship because you started dating other people so I began calling you again trying to forge this.