1826 days

[muffinmanjonas]

1826 days since my mom died

1826 days is 5 years

for some reason this year is the hardest year yet... harder than the day i found out.

but, strangely enough, this year i have fewer people to talk to than ever before as well.

none of you are my friends. not anyone reading this is someone i can call if i need to

Comments

[muffinmanjonas]

First off... I didn't say that it wasn't my fault, so lay off.

Secondly, a response like that to a post about the passing death day of my mother seems inappropriate

Third, you have no idea what my situation is with my friends seeing as you have not been really any significant part of my life for a couple of years.

Fourth, I probably will not ever return your phone call unless there is something serilously wrong or I am worried about something on your end. Reason? I'm not comfortable with that type of relationship with you. I like the contact we have now, I just wish I could enjoy it more. I am going to try to stop being so argumentative on here.

It takes a very particular type of relationship for me to feel comfortable with people, and I doubt I am unique in it. I have talked to you on the phone 3 times in the last 2+ years... I don't pick up and call people like that very often... I'm sorry, I just don't.

It isn't a personal thing with any of my former friends, and I'm not mad at or blaming anyone. But the situations that happen do drive things apart for me. Sorry, that's just the way that it is for me.

[visualsounds]

First, I assumed you'd rather do something about a thing that is bothering you rather than complain.

Second, you consistently criticize people for using reasons like it's their birthday or anniversary or whatever to get special treatment, so.

Third, that's right but it's not for lack of trying.

Fourth, okay, I can understand that, but you should've communicated this to me awhile ago.

[muffinmanjonas]

sorry for speaking my mind in my journal, next time i will remember that i can only talk about negative things that need to be worked on.

using a birthday as an excuse to be a bitch and saying that you grilling me on our nonexistant friendship and how it is all my fault when i was posting about the death of my mother are completely different things.

not for a lack of trying? YOU WOULDNT LET ME TALK TO YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM FOR SIX MONTHS! and after that event you call me about half dozen times. im not sure that qualifies for the type of effort you seem to believe you are wasting on me. it isnt like you ever tried to mend the relationship, it isnt like you called me weekly for a month or two without response. im not so sure you really have any idea how much you hurt me and how little either of us did to fix that.

sorry, now you know

[visualsounds]

This is exhaustive and counterproductive. I only feel the need to explain that I wouldn't talk to you because it was obvious that I had to make a clean break of things or I could never progress in a relationship with someone else. Then I thought we could start a friendship because you started dating other people so I began calling you again trying to forge this.