Mission accomplished
I am so sleepy. It was such a busy long weekend, with very little down time. I just want to go home and take a nice long nap. But I can't. I have to leave work at 6 on the dot so that I can be on time for my date -- date #3.
Date #2 was on Sunday, with the 43-year-old coffee shop owner (well, former owner). He was super sweet, really interesting, and I enjoyed chatting with him. He was six-feet-tall, in good physical shape, with close-cropped graying hair, blue eyes with crinkles in the corners, even teeth framed by thin lips and arms covered in tattoos. We met in the coffee shop that he'd just sold earlier this year, which is now doing three times the business it did when he owned it. I asked him what he'd learned from the experience and would do differently, and he said that if he had to do it all over again, he'd build one more bathroom, get a wine and beer license, tile the area around the counter so the space would look cleaner than the bare concrete flooring, and paint the place in cool colors. "Warm colors invite people to linger, which will not make you any money," he told me. "I had people come in and treat this place like their living room -- they'd buy one cup of coffee and stay for six hours."
Mr. Coffee pared his investments back to just a pizza place and his machine fabrication shop, where he does special-effects welding projects. He's an entrepreneur and artist who's done a lot of work for the movie studios, used to be a theater set and lighting designer, and is working on a natural gas energy system for the home and starting an arts education program with public schools. He built all the tables and the seating in the coffee house, and also built the car he was driving from spare parts and the vintage car frame of a British racing convertible. He's also a single father of a 6-year-old, and shares custody with the mother, an ex-girlfriend. He's been married and divorced before, but that marriage produced no kids. The mother of his child is now 50, and Mr. Coffee was apparently her last chance at having a kid, so she (unbeknownst to him) sabotaged her birth control and got pregnant on purpose. By the time she confessed her actions, they'd already broken up, making for a difficult year preparing for the baby. Mr. Coffee's own parents divorced when he was young and his father remarried, only to come out later as gay. His father has now been married to a man for the last six years -- a man not much older than Mr. Coffee himself. Mr. Coffee's mother comes to LA to visit her only grandchild every month, and he described his mother as being borderline Asperger's and a difficult character.
When we weren't talking about Mr. Coffee's colorful life or family, we talked about current events, travel, movies, NPR...conversation wasn't difficult, and I had a good time. After a couple of hours, I made my leave, and he walked me to my car. I gave him a friendly hug and he kissed me awkwardly on the cheek. His 5 o'clock shadow felt like sandpaper. "So, I'll see you later?" he asked.
I shrugged a little, smiling. "Sure!" If I saw him again, I'm sure I'd have fun, and I really liked him as a human being. But I wasn't the least bit attracted to him, and I think my response bore it out. I'd be surprised if he calls again. We waved good-bye, and I felt relief as I drove off. Mission accomplished.
One thing I noticed before my date on Sunday -- I was not nervous at all. So different from the first dates I had with R. and Actor Guy. The only feeling I had was that of duty: I MUST do this. In a way it was liberating, but it also made me a little sad. I can't help but think about how magical my first date with AG was -- how effortless and full of chemistry it was. I wish my crush on OKCupid had responded. In my head I'd already tagged him as my next boyfriend, I was so excited about that guy. But a girlfriend pointed out that I'm really not ready to get into anything serious or intense with anyone yet. She says I'm still an open wound, and I can't say that I disagree. I'm only going on these dates so that I can think about something besides Actor Guy all the time. At least I'm talking about something more than AG all the time -- much to the relief of my friends.
In less than two hours, I have another date to meet. I'm a little more enthused about this one -- the guy is a couple years younger than me, but he was pretty cute (or at least had a decent face in his photos) and he's Asian. His profile was witty and well written, which I liked a lot, but didn't really say much beyond the fact that he's a lawyer. He's listed himself as 5'7", so I'm expecting him to be 5'5" -- guys usually lie about their height (and salary) in their profiles. (Women tend to lie about their weight and age.) I'm wearing low heels in case that's the case. He has good taste in bars, so if nothing else, I should have an enjoyable after-work drink. Hopefully we have a fun time. I'm a little more nervous about this one, but still not at the level that I was with R. and Actor Guy. Which tells me that I'll probably go in, have my drink, and get out. Surgical strike. Boom.
Over the weekend I got an email from a guy I met at a thank-you party for volunteers of the local public radio station. He asked me out for a meal. I haven't yet responded, but will probably say yes. It's another white guy -- a special-effects artist for a post-production house. He's small-boned, about my height, blond with delicate features, wears glasses and is a foodie, which is how we got to talking. I'm going to count it as Date #4. I'm not attracted to him, but that's not really the point, is it? My therapist told me to go on two dates, I'm going to go on four. Booyah.
My takeaway from all this is that it's not all that hard to go on dates. I guess that's good to know. I think on some level I knew it wasn't hard, if you set the bar low. If the guy isn't a mouth-breathing cretin and you can handle looking at him for a couple hours, then why the hell not? The hard part is finding someone you're really attracted to, whom you're excited about, and with whom you click. That's the impossible task.
But dates? Dates I can do. I guess that's something. So, original assignment: Done. I'm now going for extra credit. And after that's done, I'm going back into my hobbit hole.
Date #2 was on Sunday, with the 43-year-old coffee shop owner (well, former owner). He was super sweet, really interesting, and I enjoyed chatting with him. He was six-feet-tall, in good physical shape, with close-cropped graying hair, blue eyes with crinkles in the corners, even teeth framed by thin lips and arms covered in tattoos. We met in the coffee shop that he'd just sold earlier this year, which is now doing three times the business it did when he owned it. I asked him what he'd learned from the experience and would do differently, and he said that if he had to do it all over again, he'd build one more bathroom, get a wine and beer license, tile the area around the counter so the space would look cleaner than the bare concrete flooring, and paint the place in cool colors. "Warm colors invite people to linger, which will not make you any money," he told me. "I had people come in and treat this place like their living room -- they'd buy one cup of coffee and stay for six hours."
Mr. Coffee pared his investments back to just a pizza place and his machine fabrication shop, where he does special-effects welding projects. He's an entrepreneur and artist who's done a lot of work for the movie studios, used to be a theater set and lighting designer, and is working on a natural gas energy system for the home and starting an arts education program with public schools. He built all the tables and the seating in the coffee house, and also built the car he was driving from spare parts and the vintage car frame of a British racing convertible. He's also a single father of a 6-year-old, and shares custody with the mother, an ex-girlfriend. He's been married and divorced before, but that marriage produced no kids. The mother of his child is now 50, and Mr. Coffee was apparently her last chance at having a kid, so she (unbeknownst to him) sabotaged her birth control and got pregnant on purpose. By the time she confessed her actions, they'd already broken up, making for a difficult year preparing for the baby. Mr. Coffee's own parents divorced when he was young and his father remarried, only to come out later as gay. His father has now been married to a man for the last six years -- a man not much older than Mr. Coffee himself. Mr. Coffee's mother comes to LA to visit her only grandchild every month, and he described his mother as being borderline Asperger's and a difficult character.
When we weren't talking about Mr. Coffee's colorful life or family, we talked about current events, travel, movies, NPR...conversation wasn't difficult, and I had a good time. After a couple of hours, I made my leave, and he walked me to my car. I gave him a friendly hug and he kissed me awkwardly on the cheek. His 5 o'clock shadow felt like sandpaper. "So, I'll see you later?" he asked.
I shrugged a little, smiling. "Sure!" If I saw him again, I'm sure I'd have fun, and I really liked him as a human being. But I wasn't the least bit attracted to him, and I think my response bore it out. I'd be surprised if he calls again. We waved good-bye, and I felt relief as I drove off. Mission accomplished.
One thing I noticed before my date on Sunday -- I was not nervous at all. So different from the first dates I had with R. and Actor Guy. The only feeling I had was that of duty: I MUST do this. In a way it was liberating, but it also made me a little sad. I can't help but think about how magical my first date with AG was -- how effortless and full of chemistry it was. I wish my crush on OKCupid had responded. In my head I'd already tagged him as my next boyfriend, I was so excited about that guy. But a girlfriend pointed out that I'm really not ready to get into anything serious or intense with anyone yet. She says I'm still an open wound, and I can't say that I disagree. I'm only going on these dates so that I can think about something besides Actor Guy all the time. At least I'm talking about something more than AG all the time -- much to the relief of my friends.
In less than two hours, I have another date to meet. I'm a little more enthused about this one -- the guy is a couple years younger than me, but he was pretty cute (or at least had a decent face in his photos) and he's Asian. His profile was witty and well written, which I liked a lot, but didn't really say much beyond the fact that he's a lawyer. He's listed himself as 5'7", so I'm expecting him to be 5'5" -- guys usually lie about their height (and salary) in their profiles. (Women tend to lie about their weight and age.) I'm wearing low heels in case that's the case. He has good taste in bars, so if nothing else, I should have an enjoyable after-work drink. Hopefully we have a fun time. I'm a little more nervous about this one, but still not at the level that I was with R. and Actor Guy. Which tells me that I'll probably go in, have my drink, and get out. Surgical strike. Boom.
Over the weekend I got an email from a guy I met at a thank-you party for volunteers of the local public radio station. He asked me out for a meal. I haven't yet responded, but will probably say yes. It's another white guy -- a special-effects artist for a post-production house. He's small-boned, about my height, blond with delicate features, wears glasses and is a foodie, which is how we got to talking. I'm going to count it as Date #4. I'm not attracted to him, but that's not really the point, is it? My therapist told me to go on two dates, I'm going to go on four. Booyah.
My takeaway from all this is that it's not all that hard to go on dates. I guess that's good to know. I think on some level I knew it wasn't hard, if you set the bar low. If the guy isn't a mouth-breathing cretin and you can handle looking at him for a couple hours, then why the hell not? The hard part is finding someone you're really attracted to, whom you're excited about, and with whom you click. That's the impossible task.
But dates? Dates I can do. I guess that's something. So, original assignment: Done. I'm now going for extra credit. And after that's done, I'm going back into my hobbit hole.