(no subject)
What the hell is wrong with me?
I never got to go on Saturday - I lost 0.3kg, eating 1850 kcal per day. How does that work, when I maintained the week previously on 1500?
And even now, in between controlled over-eating and restricting when i feel guilty for trying hard, I've still averaged 1850 over 8 days. I can't get my head around gaining, and I've got a freaking review next Tues.
fuckshitwank
I feel huge
Yet I'm so scared - if my weight goes in either direction then it's causes so much psychological and emotional stress... I got through ten kleenex's at my last weigh in, and practically collapsed in a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor yesterday.
fuckshitwank
bloodyhell
bleeeurgh
on a positive: went to see Billy Elliot on Thursday, with school - AWESOME! The kid did 15 fouettes at once! And my friend, Gracie, was in it; one of the dancing girls. It makes you so excited when you know someone!