(no subject)
oh god
i hate FREAKIN' DOCTORS and FREAKING MEALPLANS and FUCKING FOOOOD!
Averaging 1500 a day.
I'M GOING TO BE OBESE.
Coping with it all in my head is so draining... but if I don't gain 'out' then I'll have to gain 'in' if you get my drift.....*sniff* Basically there's no way around it. I can't even refuse to go to clinic on Tuesdays.
Discharge
Veganism (unallowed if I don't gain)
Pointe Shoes (promised when I get to TW)
Friends on Saturdays (if I don't lose, I can go)
Being 'stronger' (that's a doctor/mum one)
Allowed to run and generally do more excercise
And still, I can only see that I'm getting fatter....
Attempted to go out with a girl from school today - I was so BORED, I diplomatically feigned illness and ran back home, to watch 'Britains Got Talent' with my folks (go George!). We're such a sad lot.
Meh, back to school tomorrow. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED! I like holidays, and doing nothing, and sleeping beyond 6am without feeling guilty. But ballet starts again w00t, which is a major plus.
The lip ring is still gunky, but not inflamed or painful - just expelling a bit if whitey-green-not-pus. I asked Anagha about it (doctor) when I saw her, and she just said keep cleaning it. So that's what I do. She wouldn't give me any anti-D's, although she admits I am probably depressed rather then possessing co-morbid low mood because, after all, I'm 82%, which is 'not that low bodyweight' in her terms. She alos made it clear that there is no possible way of discharging myself until I'm maintaining my TW. Cue tears. She said eventually, patience will run out and I'll be admitted as a day-patient again, or tubed, if I cxan't 'do it myself', but whatever happens, I will have to get to my TW.
No choice
I am destined to be huge.
Fuck It
i hate FREAKIN' DOCTORS and FREAKING MEALPLANS and FUCKING FOOOOD!
Averaging 1500 a day.
I'M GOING TO BE OBESE.
Coping with it all in my head is so draining... but if I don't gain 'out' then I'll have to gain 'in' if you get my drift.....*sniff* Basically there's no way around it. I can't even refuse to go to clinic on Tuesdays.
Discharge
Veganism (unallowed if I don't gain)
Pointe Shoes (promised when I get to TW)
Friends on Saturdays (if I don't lose, I can go)
Being 'stronger' (that's a doctor/mum one)
Allowed to run and generally do more excercise
And still, I can only see that I'm getting fatter....
Attempted to go out with a girl from school today - I was so BORED, I diplomatically feigned illness and ran back home, to watch 'Britains Got Talent' with my folks (go George!). We're such a sad lot.
Meh, back to school tomorrow. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED! I like holidays, and doing nothing, and sleeping beyond 6am without feeling guilty. But ballet starts again w00t, which is a major plus.
The lip ring is still gunky, but not inflamed or painful - just expelling a bit if whitey-green-not-pus. I asked Anagha about it (doctor) when I saw her, and she just said keep cleaning it. So that's what I do. She wouldn't give me any anti-D's, although she admits I am probably depressed rather then possessing co-morbid low mood because, after all, I'm 82%, which is 'not that low bodyweight' in her terms. She alos made it clear that there is no possible way of discharging myself until I'm maintaining my TW. Cue tears. She said eventually, patience will run out and I'll be admitted as a day-patient again, or tubed, if I cxan't 'do it myself', but whatever happens, I will have to get to my TW.
No choice
I am destined to be huge.
Fuck It