Light me and I'll burn for you...
It seems as though love is in the air. Not for me, mind you, but in general. Almost everyone I know is smitten. Crushes abound. Romance is all about. And y'all know what I'm referring to. Just now, a bunch of you reading this thought, "He's writing about me here, isn't he?" See? :) Some of you are so giddy and girlish and hopeful and scared and anxious and excited. And I think it's great. Really I do. I'd never begrudge anyone happiness, certainly not anyone I consider a friend. Sure, a part of me might be a tiny bit jealous, but hopefully the old "If she has feelings for someone else, then obviously I wasn't good enough" philosophy won't rear its ugly head. (Pay attention class. This is how a warped mind thinks. But I have gotten lots better. Truly.) Still, I wonder what the fates have in store for yours truly. Heck, I'm not sure if I even want a relationship. (And I don't think this is sour grapes either.) The fact is that I have a hard enough time making and keeping plain ole FRIENDS without worrying whether or not someone is "The One." Don't get me wrong, I want all the good stuff -- the holding hands, the cuddling, the smooching, etc, but I do NOT want to deal with all that "does she REALLY like me? why doesn't she feel the same way?" crap. I worry about enough as it is.
Without making this sound like a personal ad, I'm pretty sure I'd make a great boyfriend even with all my issues. I mean, I'm generous and thoughtful. I'm (too) sensitive. I'm a hopeless romantic. I respect women as equals, and yet I'm kinda old-fashioned about morals and all that. AND I'd be attentive in bed. What more could anyone ask for, dammit? Heh, seriously, I'm so out of the loop when it comes to dating and relationships that I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'd much rather have things happen naturally than be 'fixed up,' but ya gotta meet people somehow. (Curious that no one thinks of me when they are doing the 'fixing up.' Not that I mind. Really, I don't think I'd be good for anyone anyway. Not now anyway.) A middle aged co-worker once told me that women now look at guys in the same way men used to view women -- there's the type you date and have fun with, and there's the type you marry. I think we all know which type I'm seen as. Plus, I suppose you gotta actually have some friends for them to set you up with other friends... so that shuts many a door right there. But thanks be to LJ, I'm making online pals faster than a nekkid webcam gal, I tellz ya.
Pretty much out of the blue, lisaida asked me tonight, "If you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you ask?" I found the question rather amusing because I'm so far away from all that, it's not even funny. (Ultimately I did give an answer though, and it's no one from LJ, so there! Although many of you are in the Top 10, I assure you.) Normally, I'm a serial crusher. Really, apart from the unrealistic (and safe) long-distance thing or two that I might wonder about, I'm essentially crush-free. There is ChurchGirl version 2.0, but I don't see her regularly and I have no idea how old she is or what she's like or anything. Now this is where having a buddy to do my dirty work would come in handy. "Hi... how old are you? See that guy over there? He likes you... so if you'll just submit to an interview or fill out this questionnaire." My sister will have no part of this. Then again, she thinks I'm too good for any of her friends. Really, I'm not! (Someday, I'll consider telling you about the original ChurchGirl. It's not that it's too painful to speak of or anything. It's just terribly embarrassing and you will lose all respect for me. Suffice to say, it involves a Christmas card, her mom, and evil laughter. Oh, the things we do for love.)
Somewhere in the vast recessed of the internet, on another screenname, lies a personal ad written by me some time ago. From this, I received a bunch of porn solicitations, a couple of semi-sincere inquiries, and one invitation to join some guy and his wife for a threesome. The last response I received was less than a month ago from a divorced woman in her 30s who lived in California. (Hello? Did you even read my ad?) So yeah, after that, I pretty much stopped actively looking. I still make wishes (birthdays, on stars, railroad tracks, 11:11), and I always always used to wish for a girlfriend. I don't know if this means I've given up or what, but nowadays my wishes aren't even for me. Maybe that's why some of y'all are doing so well.
Without making this sound like a personal ad, I'm pretty sure I'd make a great boyfriend even with all my issues. I mean, I'm generous and thoughtful. I'm (too) sensitive. I'm a hopeless romantic. I respect women as equals, and yet I'm kinda old-fashioned about morals and all that. AND I'd be attentive in bed. What more could anyone ask for, dammit? Heh, seriously, I'm so out of the loop when it comes to dating and relationships that I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'd much rather have things happen naturally than be 'fixed up,' but ya gotta meet people somehow. (Curious that no one thinks of me when they are doing the 'fixing up.' Not that I mind. Really, I don't think I'd be good for anyone anyway. Not now anyway.) A middle aged co-worker once told me that women now look at guys in the same way men used to view women -- there's the type you date and have fun with, and there's the type you marry. I think we all know which type I'm seen as. Plus, I suppose you gotta actually have some friends for them to set you up with other friends... so that shuts many a door right there. But thanks be to LJ, I'm making online pals faster than a nekkid webcam gal, I tellz ya.
Pretty much out of the blue, lisaida asked me tonight, "If you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you ask?" I found the question rather amusing because I'm so far away from all that, it's not even funny. (Ultimately I did give an answer though, and it's no one from LJ, so there! Although many of you are in the Top 10, I assure you.) Normally, I'm a serial crusher. Really, apart from the unrealistic (and safe) long-distance thing or two that I might wonder about, I'm essentially crush-free. There is ChurchGirl version 2.0, but I don't see her regularly and I have no idea how old she is or what she's like or anything. Now this is where having a buddy to do my dirty work would come in handy. "Hi... how old are you? See that guy over there? He likes you... so if you'll just submit to an interview or fill out this questionnaire." My sister will have no part of this. Then again, she thinks I'm too good for any of her friends. Really, I'm not! (Someday, I'll consider telling you about the original ChurchGirl. It's not that it's too painful to speak of or anything. It's just terribly embarrassing and you will lose all respect for me. Suffice to say, it involves a Christmas card, her mom, and evil laughter. Oh, the things we do for love.)
Somewhere in the vast recessed of the internet, on another screenname, lies a personal ad written by me some time ago. From this, I received a bunch of porn solicitations, a couple of semi-sincere inquiries, and one invitation to join some guy and his wife for a threesome. The last response I received was less than a month ago from a divorced woman in her 30s who lived in California. (Hello? Did you even read my ad?) So yeah, after that, I pretty much stopped actively looking. I still make wishes (birthdays, on stars, railroad tracks, 11:11), and I always always used to wish for a girlfriend. I don't know if this means I've given up or what, but nowadays my wishes aren't even for me. Maybe that's why some of y'all are doing so well.