I'm doing the pee pee dance!
This is just my theory…
I believe that out of all people who I’ve known that have applied to FSU, I need it and want it the most. I won’t jump into that just yet, however. Christmas Eve and Christmas day were substantially brilliant days. Despite the hovering dysfunction in my family, the holidays turned out rather superb. Ate like fat asses for three days in a row and yes, no shame there. Got a pretty decent amount of gifts and they were wonderful, despite the few I received on a certain relative’s behalf. Played pool and realized how bad ass and extreme both my father and grandfather were at the game. I received a few pointers and happen to think I’m rather good now. The Ex called me Christmas morning. He was the first call and it was such a nice phone call at that. I guess I really needed that. It was really, well, great. Today, however, ended on somewhat of a sour note. My mom was talking about all my cousins, my brother, and me of course and saying how my cousins turned out to be great kids and well when she got to us she questioned her statement. I just looked at her with this face and she just basically stated that we were too much like our father and it’s what draws her away from us
This happened to strike me quite hard.
I mean, one of my cousin’s turned out “great” because he’s never around the family and no one can have enough input because of his lack of company. My other cousin still lives with his mother and he’s married. (So does the other one) They don’t even help my aunt with the house but in fact, milk her for all she’s worth. His wife’s also pregnant and unemployed. Then my mom says that my brother’s more like her and when she got to me, with all her negativity started comparing me to my father; the person she looks down upon most in life. It’s easy to forget how someone is when they move away. It doesn’t matter to her that I bust my ass to be successful. She gave my brother a car when he was doing badly in school. He did so badly that he failed his senior year. He moved out and couldn’t afford where he was living so he milked my parents for money. He didn’t finish college for absolutely no reason and now he’s unemployed. And here I am, being ridiculed for wanting to go to a good college. So I was given the option of going to the college of my choice or having a vehicle. So, I chose education. I think it’s better to move away after all the shit I heard from my family today; after I found out what they all think about me. No one ever has anything good to say out of their mouths about me unless they’re gloating to someone who’s not related.
I can’t live like this anymore. Wanting to be accepted by my family and not being able to be myself when I’m around them. But nevertheless, I do love them and that will never change no matter how fucking pissed or shitty I feel. I hate gas stations and I love banana bread. Enough of my shit, I just needed to vent. It’s the holidays, right? A time of joy and several excuses to unleash the glutton inside; sounds like my kind of time. I got a digicam and it kind of sucks, but it works! Yay. I have perfume up the yin-yang. I absolutely LOVE it.
Pees like a horse,
-Beth
I believe that out of all people who I’ve known that have applied to FSU, I need it and want it the most. I won’t jump into that just yet, however. Christmas Eve and Christmas day were substantially brilliant days. Despite the hovering dysfunction in my family, the holidays turned out rather superb. Ate like fat asses for three days in a row and yes, no shame there. Got a pretty decent amount of gifts and they were wonderful, despite the few I received on a certain relative’s behalf. Played pool and realized how bad ass and extreme both my father and grandfather were at the game. I received a few pointers and happen to think I’m rather good now. The Ex called me Christmas morning. He was the first call and it was such a nice phone call at that. I guess I really needed that. It was really, well, great. Today, however, ended on somewhat of a sour note. My mom was talking about all my cousins, my brother, and me of course and saying how my cousins turned out to be great kids and well when she got to us she questioned her statement. I just looked at her with this face and she just basically stated that we were too much like our father and it’s what draws her away from us
This happened to strike me quite hard.
I mean, one of my cousin’s turned out “great” because he’s never around the family and no one can have enough input because of his lack of company. My other cousin still lives with his mother and he’s married. (So does the other one) They don’t even help my aunt with the house but in fact, milk her for all she’s worth. His wife’s also pregnant and unemployed. Then my mom says that my brother’s more like her and when she got to me, with all her negativity started comparing me to my father; the person she looks down upon most in life. It’s easy to forget how someone is when they move away. It doesn’t matter to her that I bust my ass to be successful. She gave my brother a car when he was doing badly in school. He did so badly that he failed his senior year. He moved out and couldn’t afford where he was living so he milked my parents for money. He didn’t finish college for absolutely no reason and now he’s unemployed. And here I am, being ridiculed for wanting to go to a good college. So I was given the option of going to the college of my choice or having a vehicle. So, I chose education. I think it’s better to move away after all the shit I heard from my family today; after I found out what they all think about me. No one ever has anything good to say out of their mouths about me unless they’re gloating to someone who’s not related.
I can’t live like this anymore. Wanting to be accepted by my family and not being able to be myself when I’m around them. But nevertheless, I do love them and that will never change no matter how fucking pissed or shitty I feel. I hate gas stations and I love banana bread. Enough of my shit, I just needed to vent. It’s the holidays, right? A time of joy and several excuses to unleash the glutton inside; sounds like my kind of time. I got a digicam and it kind of sucks, but it works! Yay. I have perfume up the yin-yang. I absolutely LOVE it.
Pees like a horse,
-Beth