[Torchwood] "Santa Glob??" (G)
Author's Note: Written for comment_fic's Any, any, an irrational fear of Santa. Featuring Ianto and his niece and nephew
"You big, dumb baby, 'e's just a fat man wif a beard an' a red suit," Micha sneered at her brother, as their uncle Ianto lead them away from the Santa's Village at the center of the shopping arcade.
"WAAAAAAHHHHH!!" David howled, wrapped around Ianto's arm like a thing that had fallen through the Rift some weeks earlier and fastened itself to Owen's foot, some kind of non-Earth cockle burr, only with tentacles instead of spikes.
"Micha, stop that: you're not helping," Ianto grumbled.
"Well, *he's* not helping: he ruined our Santa pictures, crying like that," Micha snapped, pulling out of Ianto's grasp and regarding her brother with her hands on her hips.
"Can't say I disagree with David: could you have picked a less sketchy-looking Santa?" Jack's cheery voice cut in as he approached the trio.
"Found us in the crowd?" Ianto asked.
"The warning klaxon from little brother made it easier," Jack admitted, smirking, patting Ianto's shoulder, then putting a hand under David's shoulder. "Mind if I take him off your hands? Looks like he's going to kick the heck out of you."
"You can have him," Micha grumbled. "Some little brother: I told Mum and Dad I wanted a sister."
"I think if you had a sister, she'd find that Santa just as weird," Jack said, hoisting David into his arms. "Upsy daisy." The kid clung to him for dear life.
"Please tell me this isn't going to get more complicated," Ianto said. If ever he wanted to deck his niece, that time had come.
"Complicated as in...?" Jack asked, angling David's head onto his shoulder.
"As in an undocumented visitor?" Ianto asked.
"Sounds about right: Dad's always gone about those aliens coming here and taking the good jobs," Micha cut in.
"Young lady, that's enough of that," Ianto snapped, giving Micha a look that could petrify a baby Weevil.
"Kid's on to something: I got a hunch that sketchy-looking Santa's the kind of alien we need to look into," Jack said, with a lilt in his voice, though his eyes looked serious.
"Are you going to dee port him?" Micha chimed in.
"We might have to, just for the crime of scaring your little brother," Jack said.
"You're sure it's... in our jurisdiction," Ianto asked, trying to parse this in terms that would not give away what they actually did, much as Torchwood had turned into an open secret in Cardiff.
"Are you a p'liceman?" Micha asked
"Something like that," Jack said, mysteriously.
"You don't look like a p'liceman," Micha said.
"We're undercover," Jack said, darting a look to Ianto and dropping him a quick wink.
"You big, dumb baby, 'e's just a fat man wif a beard an' a red suit," Micha sneered at her brother, as their uncle Ianto lead them away from the Santa's Village at the center of the shopping arcade.
"WAAAAAAHHHHH!!" David howled, wrapped around Ianto's arm like a thing that had fallen through the Rift some weeks earlier and fastened itself to Owen's foot, some kind of non-Earth cockle burr, only with tentacles instead of spikes.
"Micha, stop that: you're not helping," Ianto grumbled.
"Well, *he's* not helping: he ruined our Santa pictures, crying like that," Micha snapped, pulling out of Ianto's grasp and regarding her brother with her hands on her hips.
"Can't say I disagree with David: could you have picked a less sketchy-looking Santa?" Jack's cheery voice cut in as he approached the trio.
"Found us in the crowd?" Ianto asked.
"The warning klaxon from little brother made it easier," Jack admitted, smirking, patting Ianto's shoulder, then putting a hand under David's shoulder. "Mind if I take him off your hands? Looks like he's going to kick the heck out of you."
"You can have him," Micha grumbled. "Some little brother: I told Mum and Dad I wanted a sister."
"I think if you had a sister, she'd find that Santa just as weird," Jack said, hoisting David into his arms. "Upsy daisy." The kid clung to him for dear life.
"Please tell me this isn't going to get more complicated," Ianto said. If ever he wanted to deck his niece, that time had come.
"Complicated as in...?" Jack asked, angling David's head onto his shoulder.
"As in an undocumented visitor?" Ianto asked.
"Sounds about right: Dad's always gone about those aliens coming here and taking the good jobs," Micha cut in.
"Young lady, that's enough of that," Ianto snapped, giving Micha a look that could petrify a baby Weevil.
"Kid's on to something: I got a hunch that sketchy-looking Santa's the kind of alien we need to look into," Jack said, with a lilt in his voice, though his eyes looked serious.
"Are you going to dee port him?" Micha chimed in.
"We might have to, just for the crime of scaring your little brother," Jack said.
"You're sure it's... in our jurisdiction," Ianto asked, trying to parse this in terms that would not give away what they actually did, much as Torchwood had turned into an open secret in Cardiff.
"Are you a p'liceman?" Micha asked
"Something like that," Jack said, mysteriously.
"You don't look like a p'liceman," Micha said.
"We're undercover," Jack said, darting a look to Ianto and dropping him a quick wink.