"Thank you"s and "What in the world"s
So, thank you to Chad, Jill, Missy, Megan, BJ, and K.D. for all your support in these past few days.
Chad - it was so good to hear from you again. I really do miss you.
Jill - it has been 3 months, and I feel like it's been forever; I can't wait to see you next year!!! I wish it could be sooner.
Megan and BJ - Girls, y'all are great. I really have a hard time away from my retreat friends, and I find it so hard to feel that kind of love from people here at home and for me to share that love with people around me. Thank you two for helping me to feel and share that love here at work and school.
Missy and KD - You are the best bosses I've ever had. You really do care, and that's all I could ever ask for. Your help and support are keeping me going right now, and I couldn't do it without you.
Thank you, too, to anyone who has left IM messages about my away messages. Yeah, they're depressing; yes, I'm depressed...it really sucks, but I think I'm beginning to learn that I must go through it once every 6 or so months.
So, here's the convo. from tonight with Jeff:
PJPJr16: Hey there. How's home?
*******: pretty good
PJPJr16: Glad to hear it. Can I share something with you and it not be an attack? I want to ask you some questions about this.
*******: ok
PJPJr16: ok...remember I love you; this isn't an attack or anything...Do you remember this:
PJPJr16: "I've been talking to this guy for a little over a month now. I've seen him probably a hand full of times, but I talk to him everyday. I'm starting to get aggrivated, 'cause he's always doing something, and says he's going to call or come over or something and never does. So I'm starting to get over it. He came in today to work (haven't seen him in a week, since I've been on vacation) and he stayed for all of 10 mins and then leaves. Then I talk to him this evening for another 10 mins and then he says he's going out. Then says he's going to stay home so he can see me. Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to be that available for him. Might just have to tell him that he's "a little too busy for me". GRRRRRRR why can't I find a DECENT guy?!"
*******: yeah
PJPJr16: What was happening then?
*******: what do you mean
PJPJr16: What was happening to you then? How were you feeling?
*******: what's the point... i'm not trying to be mean
PJPJr16: No, I know.
PJPJr16: Like I said, I'm not trying to attack you, I really am not.
PJPJr16: I just want to know b/c....
PJPJr16: well, what you wrote there, is what I'm feeling right now....
PJPJr16: but with one difference...
PJPJr16: I do think you are a decent guy; I think you're a great guy and I just want to know maybe what was going on then and how that may be affecting now!? idk
*******: what do you mean affecting now
PJPJr16: idk....a couple people suggested some stuff about what could be happening, and I'm praying it's true
*******: i just don't think that i can handle having friends, dating someone, go to school and work 2 jobs... and still find time to do things I want to do
PJPJr16: did you think that I didn't want you to do your own thing?
dating someone shouldn't be a chore; it should be something that the two can get through together
*******: when i date someone i feel like i'm not dating them if it doesn't feel like a chore
*******: i need to go to my moms house now... i'll be on a bit later
PJPJr16: ok; I really want to talk some more
*******: ok
Is that what dating is supposed to feel like, and I'm just out of the loop? I really love this guy, but I don't understand why he's doing this and why dating is a chore. I don't want it to be. I mean; I'm under just the same amount of stress as he is, but I still want to be with him. Falling in love is so difficult. Ay yi yi...
I miss you Jeff.
Everyone have a good fall break.
I'm gonna have to study my butt off this holiday (midterms next week)....anyone want to do anything tomorrow or Saturday evening!?!? I really want to just go out...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Until later...
~PJ
Chad - it was so good to hear from you again. I really do miss you.
Jill - it has been 3 months, and I feel like it's been forever; I can't wait to see you next year!!! I wish it could be sooner.
Megan and BJ - Girls, y'all are great. I really have a hard time away from my retreat friends, and I find it so hard to feel that kind of love from people here at home and for me to share that love with people around me. Thank you two for helping me to feel and share that love here at work and school.
Missy and KD - You are the best bosses I've ever had. You really do care, and that's all I could ever ask for. Your help and support are keeping me going right now, and I couldn't do it without you.
Thank you, too, to anyone who has left IM messages about my away messages. Yeah, they're depressing; yes, I'm depressed...it really sucks, but I think I'm beginning to learn that I must go through it once every 6 or so months.
So, here's the convo. from tonight with Jeff:
PJPJr16: Hey there. How's home?
*******: pretty good
PJPJr16: Glad to hear it. Can I share something with you and it not be an attack? I want to ask you some questions about this.
*******: ok
PJPJr16: ok...remember I love you; this isn't an attack or anything...Do you remember this:
PJPJr16: "I've been talking to this guy for a little over a month now. I've seen him probably a hand full of times, but I talk to him everyday. I'm starting to get aggrivated, 'cause he's always doing something, and says he's going to call or come over or something and never does. So I'm starting to get over it. He came in today to work (haven't seen him in a week, since I've been on vacation) and he stayed for all of 10 mins and then leaves. Then I talk to him this evening for another 10 mins and then he says he's going out. Then says he's going to stay home so he can see me. Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to be that available for him. Might just have to tell him that he's "a little too busy for me". GRRRRRRR why can't I find a DECENT guy?!"
*******: yeah
PJPJr16: What was happening then?
*******: what do you mean
PJPJr16: What was happening to you then? How were you feeling?
*******: what's the point... i'm not trying to be mean
PJPJr16: No, I know.
PJPJr16: Like I said, I'm not trying to attack you, I really am not.
PJPJr16: I just want to know b/c....
PJPJr16: well, what you wrote there, is what I'm feeling right now....
PJPJr16: but with one difference...
PJPJr16: I do think you are a decent guy; I think you're a great guy and I just want to know maybe what was going on then and how that may be affecting now!? idk
*******: what do you mean affecting now
PJPJr16: idk....a couple people suggested some stuff about what could be happening, and I'm praying it's true
*******: i just don't think that i can handle having friends, dating someone, go to school and work 2 jobs... and still find time to do things I want to do
PJPJr16: did you think that I didn't want you to do your own thing?
dating someone shouldn't be a chore; it should be something that the two can get through together
*******: when i date someone i feel like i'm not dating them if it doesn't feel like a chore
*******: i need to go to my moms house now... i'll be on a bit later
PJPJr16: ok; I really want to talk some more
*******: ok
Is that what dating is supposed to feel like, and I'm just out of the loop? I really love this guy, but I don't understand why he's doing this and why dating is a chore. I don't want it to be. I mean; I'm under just the same amount of stress as he is, but I still want to be with him. Falling in love is so difficult. Ay yi yi...
I miss you Jeff.
Everyone have a good fall break.
I'm gonna have to study my butt off this holiday (midterms next week)....anyone want to do anything tomorrow or Saturday evening!?!? I really want to just go out...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Until later...
~PJ