WAR OF THE WORLDS!!!
I went to see "War of the Worlds" tonight...sooooo incredible! Seriously, that move keeps you from beginning to end. I mean, I thought it would be good, but it was more than good. I'm fine now, but while I was in there I was kinda getting scared, haha. Not really scared, but just thinking - oh man, if something like that really happened, would I be able to make it? I dunno if I'm strong enough for all that? ha. But yeah, it was DAMN AWESOME. And of course, I love Dakota Fanning! She's sooooo cute. And such a good actress too, even if she is 10 or 11 or whatnot. And geez, she's gotten to work with like: Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, Robert DeNiro, etc. Pretty frickin good for being a little more than a decade old.
So, while I was waiting for my mom to get here this afternoon, so we could leave for the movies, there was a thunderstorm. I, of course, got really frightened when the thunder started getting really loud and I could see the flashes of lightning. I went downstairs and curled up in the big chair and just held a pillow over my face, trying to block out the flashes of lightning (it REALLY scares me). When I was younger I used to cover up completely with a blanket or whatnot, to try and block out the lightning. Obviously I knew that wouldn't stop lightning, but it made me feel better; like a security blanket I guess. So maybe the pillow was because I still have a little of that in me? Anyways, back to the point of the story lol. While I was sitting there, with the pillow covering my face, I started think about a lotta stuff. Like, really big, life-altering things, you know. I started thinking about when I was a kid, and how sad it makes me that I'll never be a kid again. I'll never be able to have less responsibility than I do at this exact moment, I'm probably closer to the age of having kids than I am to being one, the simple things don't make me happy anymore (spinning in a circle until you get dizzy and collapse onto the sofa, jumping on the bed/jumping off of other things, playing "Indiana Jones" or "Power Rangers" or whatever the game may be, building a tent in the living room...ok, I lie. That last one, well actually everything but the spinning one, would still probably be hella-fun to me, haha). Plus I was an only child, so I feel kinda like I missed out on a lot of the stuff. I had to do all the pretend games and stuff by myself, so I guess it's kinda weird I never had any imaginary friends? I would just pretend I was talking to people, or the prop or whatever it was, was there, and I would interact with it. It was an ever-changing cast of people, no permanent friend...maybe this is where my wanting to act thing comes from? Being an only-child?
So yes, the main thing I was thinking about after childhood was - my future. I was thinking about how I could really NOT see myself doing anything but acting. I tried to picture myself at like 60, being a teacher, and it just didn't feel right. But I pictured myself at 60, being an actress, or at least a retired one, and it just seemed right. I started thinking about why I wanted to act. Well, 1st of all, I think I'd be pretty inadequate at most other things. I have the attention span of a 4 year old and unless I'm REALLY interested in something, it won't hold my attention...and I'll probably get really, really sleepy (this is me in like EVERY class). But more than that, I just have this huge want to help people. People in different countries, people in the USA, people who can't pay their bills sometimes, people who can't afford hospital stays, people who can' afford college. If fuckin celebrities have so much money, why not give a good portion of it away? It's more than you could ever spend anyway. I'm not saying give it ALL away; look at Hammer. What an insanely generous man, he tried to help like his whole neighborhood, and it was just too much. You gotta manage it good, and be around people you can trust, but besides that, help people! Does Paris Hilton donate to ANYTHING?? Maybe she does and I don't know about it, but if she doesn't she SHOULD. And other people like her should too. She didn't even have to work to get her money - she doesn't act, she doesn't sing...okay, maybe she does those (poorly), but all her money is from her parents. But anyways, I've always had this really bad guilty conscious. If I did something wrong, I usually never forget it, and it always weighs really heavy on my heart. And when I see shows about people suffering and going through hard times (like a lot of the Oprah shows, S. Africa, women getting burned in India, etc.), it really makes me feel bad. Like seriously, I feel guilty for having fun at all. Maybe that sounds dumb or just like I'm trying to sound like a Saint or something, but I'm serious. Of course I go back to having fun later on, but when I think back to those kinds of horrible things around the world, it makes me feel so bad. Ok, so to bring this story 360, and to it's ending point (sorry for the over-emotional rambling), I really think that this guilt, and this gut feeling that I NEED to help people means something. I dunno what God has planned for me, but I can only hope it's something huge. It might not be acting, it might be another capacity where I help people, but right now the only thing I can see is acting, and getting enough money to really try and make a difference. Just like Audrey did with UNICEF. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to her. Of course she's beautiful and made some cute & fun little movies, but she was an incredible humanitarian. Not that I'm downplaying her movies, because they were all great and she was an amazing actress, but I love her most because of the person she was off-screen. And that's how I wanna be too. I don't think it will ever be possible to completely end all of the suffering in the world, but we can try, and at least make it a little less. It's better than just sitting around and watching the world destroy itself, isn't it?
Wow...that was some pretty heavy stuff, haha. Sorry bout that, it was just flowing though. Went from "War of the Worlds" to this world destroying itself on its own. Hmm, I have to end this with something fairly happy? I don't like people to go away depressed, so let's see what I can do...
"Seriously, the last book I read cover-to-cover, 'Clifford, The Big Red Dog.' And even that - I had to put down a few times." - Kevin James (he sounds like me, ha)
"I thought about getting breast implants...because I'm a radical, militant, feminist - and a hypocrite! Turns out..." - Maria Bamford
"I really wanna get married. That just seems great! You get to grocery shopping together! And rent videooos! And then there's the kissing and the hugging, and the kissing and the hugging, underneath the cozy covers. Mmm! But sometimes, sometimes I wonder if I would want that as much as I would like to be dipped...in a vat...of warm, rising...bread dough. That might feel pretty good too." - Maria, again
Goodnight kids. <3 Love Ya! <3
R.I.P. - Luther Vandross
So, while I was waiting for my mom to get here this afternoon, so we could leave for the movies, there was a thunderstorm. I, of course, got really frightened when the thunder started getting really loud and I could see the flashes of lightning. I went downstairs and curled up in the big chair and just held a pillow over my face, trying to block out the flashes of lightning (it REALLY scares me). When I was younger I used to cover up completely with a blanket or whatnot, to try and block out the lightning. Obviously I knew that wouldn't stop lightning, but it made me feel better; like a security blanket I guess. So maybe the pillow was because I still have a little of that in me? Anyways, back to the point of the story lol. While I was sitting there, with the pillow covering my face, I started think about a lotta stuff. Like, really big, life-altering things, you know. I started thinking about when I was a kid, and how sad it makes me that I'll never be a kid again. I'll never be able to have less responsibility than I do at this exact moment, I'm probably closer to the age of having kids than I am to being one, the simple things don't make me happy anymore (spinning in a circle until you get dizzy and collapse onto the sofa, jumping on the bed/jumping off of other things, playing "Indiana Jones" or "Power Rangers" or whatever the game may be, building a tent in the living room...ok, I lie. That last one, well actually everything but the spinning one, would still probably be hella-fun to me, haha). Plus I was an only child, so I feel kinda like I missed out on a lot of the stuff. I had to do all the pretend games and stuff by myself, so I guess it's kinda weird I never had any imaginary friends? I would just pretend I was talking to people, or the prop or whatever it was, was there, and I would interact with it. It was an ever-changing cast of people, no permanent friend...maybe this is where my wanting to act thing comes from? Being an only-child?
So yes, the main thing I was thinking about after childhood was - my future. I was thinking about how I could really NOT see myself doing anything but acting. I tried to picture myself at like 60, being a teacher, and it just didn't feel right. But I pictured myself at 60, being an actress, or at least a retired one, and it just seemed right. I started thinking about why I wanted to act. Well, 1st of all, I think I'd be pretty inadequate at most other things. I have the attention span of a 4 year old and unless I'm REALLY interested in something, it won't hold my attention...and I'll probably get really, really sleepy (this is me in like EVERY class). But more than that, I just have this huge want to help people. People in different countries, people in the USA, people who can't pay their bills sometimes, people who can't afford hospital stays, people who can' afford college. If fuckin celebrities have so much money, why not give a good portion of it away? It's more than you could ever spend anyway. I'm not saying give it ALL away; look at Hammer. What an insanely generous man, he tried to help like his whole neighborhood, and it was just too much. You gotta manage it good, and be around people you can trust, but besides that, help people! Does Paris Hilton donate to ANYTHING?? Maybe she does and I don't know about it, but if she doesn't she SHOULD. And other people like her should too. She didn't even have to work to get her money - she doesn't act, she doesn't sing...okay, maybe she does those (poorly), but all her money is from her parents. But anyways, I've always had this really bad guilty conscious. If I did something wrong, I usually never forget it, and it always weighs really heavy on my heart. And when I see shows about people suffering and going through hard times (like a lot of the Oprah shows, S. Africa, women getting burned in India, etc.), it really makes me feel bad. Like seriously, I feel guilty for having fun at all. Maybe that sounds dumb or just like I'm trying to sound like a Saint or something, but I'm serious. Of course I go back to having fun later on, but when I think back to those kinds of horrible things around the world, it makes me feel so bad. Ok, so to bring this story 360, and to it's ending point (sorry for the over-emotional rambling), I really think that this guilt, and this gut feeling that I NEED to help people means something. I dunno what God has planned for me, but I can only hope it's something huge. It might not be acting, it might be another capacity where I help people, but right now the only thing I can see is acting, and getting enough money to really try and make a difference. Just like Audrey did with UNICEF. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to her. Of course she's beautiful and made some cute & fun little movies, but she was an incredible humanitarian. Not that I'm downplaying her movies, because they were all great and she was an amazing actress, but I love her most because of the person she was off-screen. And that's how I wanna be too. I don't think it will ever be possible to completely end all of the suffering in the world, but we can try, and at least make it a little less. It's better than just sitting around and watching the world destroy itself, isn't it?
Wow...that was some pretty heavy stuff, haha. Sorry bout that, it was just flowing though. Went from "War of the Worlds" to this world destroying itself on its own. Hmm, I have to end this with something fairly happy? I don't like people to go away depressed, so let's see what I can do...
"Seriously, the last book I read cover-to-cover, 'Clifford, The Big Red Dog.' And even that - I had to put down a few times." - Kevin James (he sounds like me, ha)
"I thought about getting breast implants...because I'm a radical, militant, feminist - and a hypocrite! Turns out..." - Maria Bamford
"I really wanna get married. That just seems great! You get to grocery shopping together! And rent videooos! And then there's the kissing and the hugging, and the kissing and the hugging, underneath the cozy covers. Mmm! But sometimes, sometimes I wonder if I would want that as much as I would like to be dipped...in a vat...of warm, rising...bread dough. That might feel pretty good too." - Maria, again
Goodnight kids. <3 Love Ya! <3
R.I.P. - Luther Vandross