The Trust Graph
So if you google image search the word "trust" then you'll find this:
Some of you who glanced at this realy quick may have said, "Oh great, MATH!" But no, this isn't Cartesian algebra.
I thought this was an extremely beautiful thing. It's a graph that represents how basic human trust works. I'd like to interpret it. So here goes....
1.) Suspicious Still
Whenever you meet someone, you give them a baseline trust. They start off in that first phase, the lower right hand corner of the graph. If you meet a stranger, you're not going to trust them to hold your wallet. Obviously.
But a more common example would be someone from work. You might see them once in a while but don't know their name. You give a nod and a smile to be polite, but you don't know them at all. They could be a bitch the second they open their mouth.
So you believe (+X axis) they'll do something negative (-Y axis).
It's our natural defense mechanism. How internally hurt would you be if a dude at a party ignored you or something menial? Not much!
2.) Suspicious Until
Not a lot of time has to pass before you hear something or witness something that says to you, "ok this person sucks." Yeah you may say you're not judgemental, but we all make instantaneous snap judgements about people in the blink of an eye.
That girl at work that you thought was cute, but as soon as she opened her mouth she was a complaining bitch? Later to be validated by another person at work? Yeah, she flunked out of my trust because she couldn't pass the second phase.
So you recieve facts (-X axis) on whether or not they're trustworthy and will do something negative (-Y axis).
3.) Trust Until
Ok so you've made it past the probatory phase! You now trust this person because they've proven themselves to deliver. This is definitely the primary building phase. They're in, but they could still do something to fall out.
So you experience facts (-X axis) that validate and perpetuate their trustworthiness, and those facts are positive (+Y axis) events and processes.
Everyone has their own tolerance levels. I'm sure you could fall out of trust by something as minor as not returning a phone call, as average as getting ditched in favor of other plans, or major as dating and loving someone and then having sex with that person's friend. But at a certain point, that person reaches...
4.) Trust Still
The true friend zone! Or as I like to say, a certified friend. Most of the abuse and neglect happens here. But hey, it's okay because we're friends and understand each other. It's hard to go back on trust at this point.
At this phase, you trust them despite their lack of effort or apparent care. No matter what, you believe (+X axis) they're going to do something positive (+Y axis). It takes something major to lose this. One person could be secretly stealing money from the other. You could be cheating on a spouse. Violence of any kind.
So!
The key is that this isn't so much a philosophy on how things should be. Nobody drew the graph and then said "We have to act like the graph tells us to." No. Someone reflected on how we operate as human beings and represented that iconographically. In other words, the chart doesn't draw us; we drew the chart.
We all have different thresholds between these quadrants. Some people trust extremely easily and quickly, and contrarily, some people are highly gaurded. If two people meet a guy named Bubba, it could take Person A several months to get to step 2, whilst Person B could be their certified friend (step 4) within the same time.
There's no moral standard of right or wrong here, just saying people work in their own ways. I'm totally fabricating this numerical system but let's go wild here...Say it takes someone 1500 trust points to get out of your first phase of "Suspicious Still." I dunno, pretend 1 week = 100 trust points. So you'd need to get a feel for someone for 15 weeks before you even consider trusting them.
Then your "Suspicious Until" phase is something like 1000 points. But things start to count for up to 10 points. Like at Kohl's for example. Suppose a fellow cashier helps you bag. Hey, an instant 6 points! But then you witness them act rude to a customer. A loss of 8 points.
Then just use your imagination. Exchanging phone numbers and going out for a drink with the staff is in your "Trust Until" phase. So shooting the shit is +9 points. But then seeing them get into a drunken fight could drop them back down to the "Suspicious Until" range!
Yeah I know this is silly but I just made this point system up as a way to quantify our distinctly human combination of emotional reaction and higher reasoning.
Anyways! If you think you have "trust issues," well guess what-- it's within your reach to reflect on where your thresholds lie. Make an effort. Try something different. Challenge by choice. Or at least listen to others when you complain about it.
And I know this blog is completely ignoring the concept of distrust. Remember, there's a huge difference between "Not trusting someone" and "Distrusting someone." That's another blog for another day.
Some of you who glanced at this realy quick may have said, "Oh great, MATH!" But no, this isn't Cartesian algebra.
I thought this was an extremely beautiful thing. It's a graph that represents how basic human trust works. I'd like to interpret it. So here goes....
1.) Suspicious Still
Whenever you meet someone, you give them a baseline trust. They start off in that first phase, the lower right hand corner of the graph. If you meet a stranger, you're not going to trust them to hold your wallet. Obviously.
But a more common example would be someone from work. You might see them once in a while but don't know their name. You give a nod and a smile to be polite, but you don't know them at all. They could be a bitch the second they open their mouth.
So you believe (+X axis) they'll do something negative (-Y axis).
It's our natural defense mechanism. How internally hurt would you be if a dude at a party ignored you or something menial? Not much!
2.) Suspicious Until
Not a lot of time has to pass before you hear something or witness something that says to you, "ok this person sucks." Yeah you may say you're not judgemental, but we all make instantaneous snap judgements about people in the blink of an eye.
That girl at work that you thought was cute, but as soon as she opened her mouth she was a complaining bitch? Later to be validated by another person at work? Yeah, she flunked out of my trust because she couldn't pass the second phase.
So you recieve facts (-X axis) on whether or not they're trustworthy and will do something negative (-Y axis).
3.) Trust Until
Ok so you've made it past the probatory phase! You now trust this person because they've proven themselves to deliver. This is definitely the primary building phase. They're in, but they could still do something to fall out.
So you experience facts (-X axis) that validate and perpetuate their trustworthiness, and those facts are positive (+Y axis) events and processes.
Everyone has their own tolerance levels. I'm sure you could fall out of trust by something as minor as not returning a phone call, as average as getting ditched in favor of other plans, or major as dating and loving someone and then having sex with that person's friend. But at a certain point, that person reaches...
4.) Trust Still
The true friend zone! Or as I like to say, a certified friend. Most of the abuse and neglect happens here. But hey, it's okay because we're friends and understand each other. It's hard to go back on trust at this point.
At this phase, you trust them despite their lack of effort or apparent care. No matter what, you believe (+X axis) they're going to do something positive (+Y axis). It takes something major to lose this. One person could be secretly stealing money from the other. You could be cheating on a spouse. Violence of any kind.
So!
The key is that this isn't so much a philosophy on how things should be. Nobody drew the graph and then said "We have to act like the graph tells us to." No. Someone reflected on how we operate as human beings and represented that iconographically. In other words, the chart doesn't draw us; we drew the chart.
We all have different thresholds between these quadrants. Some people trust extremely easily and quickly, and contrarily, some people are highly gaurded. If two people meet a guy named Bubba, it could take Person A several months to get to step 2, whilst Person B could be their certified friend (step 4) within the same time.
There's no moral standard of right or wrong here, just saying people work in their own ways. I'm totally fabricating this numerical system but let's go wild here...Say it takes someone 1500 trust points to get out of your first phase of "Suspicious Still." I dunno, pretend 1 week = 100 trust points. So you'd need to get a feel for someone for 15 weeks before you even consider trusting them.
Then your "Suspicious Until" phase is something like 1000 points. But things start to count for up to 10 points. Like at Kohl's for example. Suppose a fellow cashier helps you bag. Hey, an instant 6 points! But then you witness them act rude to a customer. A loss of 8 points.
Then just use your imagination. Exchanging phone numbers and going out for a drink with the staff is in your "Trust Until" phase. So shooting the shit is +9 points. But then seeing them get into a drunken fight could drop them back down to the "Suspicious Until" range!
Yeah I know this is silly but I just made this point system up as a way to quantify our distinctly human combination of emotional reaction and higher reasoning.
Anyways! If you think you have "trust issues," well guess what-- it's within your reach to reflect on where your thresholds lie. Make an effort. Try something different. Challenge by choice. Or at least listen to others when you complain about it.
And I know this blog is completely ignoring the concept of distrust. Remember, there's a huge difference between "Not trusting someone" and "Distrusting someone." That's another blog for another day.