(no subject)
I've been missing my Dad A LOT the last few days. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's because it's October...Halloween time. Dad used to take me out trick or treating when I was younger although Mom doesn't remember him taking me out so much but that's what my memory serves to tell me. Also it was his fave. time of the year. In the Quad Cities where I grew up, they had the Halloween Parade every year. Dad was really involved in it when I was growing up. When he got sick in 2004, he was able to go but had to stay in the car because it was too cold and rainy for him. He wasn't able to make it last year because he was too sick to go. I also remember all those years that we'd come back to Grandma's after the Halloween Parade and we'd go back to the "little" bedroom...and all six of us would split up the candy and trade candy too! Tootsie Rolls were the most common candy to get tossed out and I HATE Tootsie Rolls... I think it was the older cousins, Dawn, Cory, and Melissa that would take them/trade them with me. I was the baby cousin, so in reality, they were all older than me. ;-)
It's strange, I didn't get to talk to him as much last year because he was too sick and didn't feel like talking on the phone but I still miss not hearing his voice. I still haven't deleted his phone number from my phone. I'm not sure why I haven't been able to let go. I know I'd freak out of I saw his number calling in my cell but I just can't bring myself to delete the number. I figured at this point, it'd be gone. I miss not seeing everyone in my family, as fucked up things are with everyone when it comes to Dad's side of the family. I also miss not seeing my friends that live up there. I think I got spoiled in seeing them as frequently as I did when I came into the QC. I just wished we all lived closer... Maybe Des Moines would be the best option but at the same time, I'd be so much further away from the Family in Springfield. I liked that I was starting to get to know my cousins again...and in a lot of ways, I wish we were closer but we're not. We lead seperate lives and live three states away from each other. My other cousin, Cory, lives in Alabama-- I haven't seen her since 2004. :-(
Maybe it's the fact that Eric and I swapped rooms, I found a lot of the stuff that Dad had given me and the stuff that my family thought I was allowed to have from his "estate" which was basically pictures of him and I or Him, Mom, and me. I found Dad's old cards that he had sent in the last two years since he found out that he had gotten sick. It's just brought up a lot of old feelings that I hadn't dealt with in a long time or just didn't want to deal with it.
It's hard to believe he's been gone for nine months. Some days are better than others...this past week hasn't been the greatest when it comes to this sort of thing. A lot of mixed feelings going through inside my head and heart.
:-(
It's strange, I didn't get to talk to him as much last year because he was too sick and didn't feel like talking on the phone but I still miss not hearing his voice. I still haven't deleted his phone number from my phone. I'm not sure why I haven't been able to let go. I know I'd freak out of I saw his number calling in my cell but I just can't bring myself to delete the number. I figured at this point, it'd be gone. I miss not seeing everyone in my family, as fucked up things are with everyone when it comes to Dad's side of the family. I also miss not seeing my friends that live up there. I think I got spoiled in seeing them as frequently as I did when I came into the QC. I just wished we all lived closer... Maybe Des Moines would be the best option but at the same time, I'd be so much further away from the Family in Springfield. I liked that I was starting to get to know my cousins again...and in a lot of ways, I wish we were closer but we're not. We lead seperate lives and live three states away from each other. My other cousin, Cory, lives in Alabama-- I haven't seen her since 2004. :-(
Maybe it's the fact that Eric and I swapped rooms, I found a lot of the stuff that Dad had given me and the stuff that my family thought I was allowed to have from his "estate" which was basically pictures of him and I or Him, Mom, and me. I found Dad's old cards that he had sent in the last two years since he found out that he had gotten sick. It's just brought up a lot of old feelings that I hadn't dealt with in a long time or just didn't want to deal with it.
It's hard to believe he's been gone for nine months. Some days are better than others...this past week hasn't been the greatest when it comes to this sort of thing. A lot of mixed feelings going through inside my head and heart.
:-(