The sad day
Now is the sad day. Yesterday was a bittersweet time at the grave to sing Happy Birthday to my little Isaac. But this is the passing away day, it hurts, just hurts. I can't believe how many people don't understand the plight of grandparents. You see, we have it double bad of the parents, not to take away from the loss of the parents, I know I would not have survived the loss of any of my children, that just would have been too much. But grandparents not only have the intense mourning of their grandchild that means more to them than anything, but they have the horror of watching the terror and heartbreak of their baby. No matter how old your children get, they are still your babies. Maybe not as much for men as it is for the moms, but they never stop being your babies. To see your baby, and in this case she is the youngest of my seven babies, watch as her first born son and first born child passes away and can't be saved, is of all things that hardest thing that has ever happened to me. My baby and I couldn't make it all better, nor can I now. She is still so sad and torn apart by the loss of Isaac, as am I. No one can know, unless you have been through it, what an emptiness there is when you loose someone you love so deeply. And to have lost my mom not even three weeks ago, is almost more than I can bear. But no one seems to understand what this has done to me. They think they do, but they don't. To watch my daughter be brave and put on the happy face for the world, knowing that inside she is feeling what I can't hide. It is just too much. I miss him more now than I did then. I love him so much and yet he is not here. How do you get past this. I am blessed so much with so many that love me, and yet this I can't get over, or passed. Oh well, I write this more for me than anyone else, for no one replies to my entry's except maybe two people, especially when I talk about my grandson. You have no idea how alone you feel or how sad you are, when you are hurting and need contact and no one talks to you. Later
