My Mom
My mom was not the best mom in the world while I was little, there was so much discord between her and my dad. My dad was an alcoholic and he made life very hard for all of us, thus mom was not the greatest but she was still my mom. When I was 13 the two of us, my sister had married and moved out, we moved to the north end of Seattle. After that move my mom and I became such good friends. She was the best you could ask for. My dad had long since left us and she and I developed the relationship that I wanted to have with all my girls when I had kids. We were always broke and sometimes didn't even eat, but that was ok, because we had each other and that was enough. We laughed and cried together, we had fun and sad times, but we were always there for each other. When I got pregnant with my first born, she was very accepting. Telling me that whatever I wanted would be the way it would be, I was 15. It was a terrible thing to be pregnant in those days as a teen, it just was not acceptable. But my mom stood by my side, no matter what and I know it was hard on her. She supported me and my child until I married almost two years later. She was so sad when I left. I still kept my friendship with my mom, even though sometimes she could be quite demanding. But it was ok, we had each other. As the years went by she was always there to babysit or to see another child born. She loved all my seven children as though they were her own. I think she was making up for the time that she couldn't be a real mom to my sister and I. The years went by and my grandma got real sick and I started to care for the two of them, they had moved in together when my grandpa had died. The three of us were as one, we laughed and cried, loved and cared. When my grandma died, it took something out of my mom that left her so bad off. I watched this vibrant woman turn sicker and sicker, I still took care of her, but it didn't do any good. She just got sicker. And then the worst hit, I got sick too. And try as much as I could, I just couldn't take care of her anymore. Others said not to worry, they would take care of her. So my sister took over a lot of it, but she never did the job quite well, so mom got sicker. Then she ended up in a long term care place, I felt so awful, cause I knew that if I could care for her she would be better. But she got worse. She finally got a wonderful little place that she liked, but the sicker she got, the more they didn't want her. So my sister moved her into a little room at a house where they abused her. Sis was able to get the place closed down, but mom was never the same. Now she is in a home, in a small room, which was ok at first. She could still come to party's and all the holidays, but as sick as I was I couldn't get her and take her home and so she didn't get to come as much any more, cause it was just to hard for my oldest daughter to go get her and care for her, she was ill too. So mom just sat in that place, rarely a visitor. But the final blow was the death of her beloved Jaime's son, Isaac. No one thought about how she must have felt and so she was left to mourn alone. What a terrible thing I did to her, not realizing. Now she is at death's door. Lying in a bed, waiting to die. I never wanted that to happen to you mom, I am so sorry. I love you so much and truly our friendship has never stopped. I had to write this down before she is gone, because if I don't I never will. She is the greatest person I have ever known and I will miss her so much when she is gone. Whatever happened to miracles? I thought they still happened, but I guess I was wrong. I want her back the way she was just a year ago. Forgive me mom, I didn't mean to leave you alone so much. I never meant to let my sorrow get in the way of knowing you were hurting just as bad as I was. I let you down and now you are going to leave. I am so sorry. But to all my friends out there, know this, there never was a more caring, loving person that modeled to me what a great mom was, and I rise up and call her blessed. I only hope that my children will be able to do the same. You are blessed mom, and I love you so much.
