A Sad Day
Lighting all the candles, I lit 20, Heather 1, Jenny 2, was a sad and bittersweet time. I wanted to cry so badly, but with everyone there I restrained myself. I didn't feel very well, haven't since I spent time with Dior and saw how sick she is, I was so mad at that hospital for sending her home. Anyway, after everyone left, I broke down. I kept the candles burning all night long, couldn't bring myself to blow out Isaac's special candle until just a few moments ago. I did nap a bit on the couch, unintentionally, but it did me good. I still cried after I woke up. I am so concerned for Dior, I can't stand the thought of loosing both Isaac and her and that is what is concerning me. Dior is so ill, she needs surgery and IV attention to put antibiotics into her blood stream and to nourish her. The antibiotics that they gave her she is unable to keep down, so she gets no benefit at all. I hope that Wayne took her to Swedish today, but they never called me. I am so worried. And I was so sad about Isaac. This week is a hard one, the 19th is his month day, he would have been 3 months old, I keep thinking about all the things he would be doing now and it makes me cry. Then the 20th is the 2 month anniversary of his passing. I will visit his grave both days, which is hard cause I have doc appointments on thursday and the day after treatments is always bad for me. Anyway, I am rambling, so I think I will go to bed. I am nausiated and tired. I wish I could get better. Later.