How to define a friend / friendship?
According to the OED a friend is: One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy’.
Friendship according to the OED: The state or relation of being a friend; association of persons as friends
Why am I considering these definitions?
A while ago I joined the hyves page meeting new people in Rotterdam.
Me living close by I thought lets give it a try. I love meeting new people.
One girl who lives quite close to me befriended me on hyves and we wrote a couple of short notes on each other hyves pages. To see if we could become friends we decided to meet up over tea. So, we did this twice. It was okayish, but I didnt feel the click which I have with my "old" friends or my mates from uni. Not at all. The conversations were merely about what was going on at work. I would define that as friendly chit-chat, but not as a friendship relation. These short conversations were definately not deep and serious. Furthermore, I did not feel the urge/need to phone, text, e-mail her etc. It was nice to meet up with once in a while but definitely not every week. Maybe a couple of times a year. After our first meet up she kept making comments on hyves. I did reply, but did not feel the need to meet up again the same week. I hardly see most of my friends and mates as I and they are mostly to busy to meet up due to work and studies. I dont mind that and they dont mind that either. When we meet up it is like we have spoken each other yesterday and that is what friendship should be about. Right?
Lately it has been really busy at work and I have this course at uni which consumes a little bit too much of my time. Besides this in october and november I have so many friends and relatives who have their birthdays I am even more busy. This month alone I think I have 3 birthdayparties (which could have easily been 8 considering the birthdays in my diary), a graduation party, a wedding, a goodbye party, a hen party and I agreed to meet up with B, R, R. G, S., S. A., D. and M. Which means I am extremely busy and I do have to study in between. As J. (the person in question) continued to send me notes and stuff I became to feel more and more uncomfortable. I like meeting new people, but I dont like the feeling I am forced to see them every bloody week. It has to be fun and should not feel as an obligation. My friends know this and agree that we can still be good friends if we dont see each other or talk to each other on a daily basis. As I have been busy and I hate hyves to a certain extent (i prefer facebook) I missed a few notes and comments of J.
Last weekend I felt I had to send her an e-mail that I am really busy this month with all the things I have already planned (I hadnt replied to her notes for 2 weeks. have I mentioned I hate hyves? I hardly go there). Today I got the reply. I was really friendly in my e-mail to J., but her reply was that she felt really offended. Wasn't it the context of friends to chat, talk, e-mail and text on a daily basis? She was really angry that I felt the need to kindly tell her I do want to meet up but not this much. BIG SIGH. She continued she saw me as a friend and did not like this e-mail. When is someone a friend and when is that person just an acquaintance? We have met up only TWO times. Can you be really good friends in two times??? I dont think so. We have only spoken each other for 2 hours....
Another bigh sigh. What to think of this. I am not going to be upset because she feels offended. I hardly know her. I know her first name, her date of birth (which equals mine plus 1 year). I know she is a secretary born in the same hospital I was born and that she hates her job. I dont know where she lives, her surname etc etc.
I really have to continue with my essay. This e-mail is not really helping. Today I have written only 200 words as my mind is preocuppied with other and more important things. So, it shouldnt be preoccupied with her as well. I have decided not to reply to her e-mail for a week or so. A person should not make you feel uncomfortable in any way. Then they are not friendship material.
Friendship according to the OED: The state or relation of being a friend; association of persons as friends
Why am I considering these definitions?
A while ago I joined the hyves page meeting new people in Rotterdam.
Me living close by I thought lets give it a try. I love meeting new people.
One girl who lives quite close to me befriended me on hyves and we wrote a couple of short notes on each other hyves pages. To see if we could become friends we decided to meet up over tea. So, we did this twice. It was okayish, but I didnt feel the click which I have with my "old" friends or my mates from uni. Not at all. The conversations were merely about what was going on at work. I would define that as friendly chit-chat, but not as a friendship relation. These short conversations were definately not deep and serious. Furthermore, I did not feel the urge/need to phone, text, e-mail her etc. It was nice to meet up with once in a while but definitely not every week. Maybe a couple of times a year. After our first meet up she kept making comments on hyves. I did reply, but did not feel the need to meet up again the same week. I hardly see most of my friends and mates as I and they are mostly to busy to meet up due to work and studies. I dont mind that and they dont mind that either. When we meet up it is like we have spoken each other yesterday and that is what friendship should be about. Right?
Lately it has been really busy at work and I have this course at uni which consumes a little bit too much of my time. Besides this in october and november I have so many friends and relatives who have their birthdays I am even more busy. This month alone I think I have 3 birthdayparties (which could have easily been 8 considering the birthdays in my diary), a graduation party, a wedding, a goodbye party, a hen party and I agreed to meet up with B, R, R. G, S., S. A., D. and M. Which means I am extremely busy and I do have to study in between. As J. (the person in question) continued to send me notes and stuff I became to feel more and more uncomfortable. I like meeting new people, but I dont like the feeling I am forced to see them every bloody week. It has to be fun and should not feel as an obligation. My friends know this and agree that we can still be good friends if we dont see each other or talk to each other on a daily basis. As I have been busy and I hate hyves to a certain extent (i prefer facebook) I missed a few notes and comments of J.
Last weekend I felt I had to send her an e-mail that I am really busy this month with all the things I have already planned (I hadnt replied to her notes for 2 weeks. have I mentioned I hate hyves? I hardly go there). Today I got the reply. I was really friendly in my e-mail to J., but her reply was that she felt really offended. Wasn't it the context of friends to chat, talk, e-mail and text on a daily basis? She was really angry that I felt the need to kindly tell her I do want to meet up but not this much. BIG SIGH. She continued she saw me as a friend and did not like this e-mail. When is someone a friend and when is that person just an acquaintance? We have met up only TWO times. Can you be really good friends in two times??? I dont think so. We have only spoken each other for 2 hours....
Another bigh sigh. What to think of this. I am not going to be upset because she feels offended. I hardly know her. I know her first name, her date of birth (which equals mine plus 1 year). I know she is a secretary born in the same hospital I was born and that she hates her job. I dont know where she lives, her surname etc etc.
I really have to continue with my essay. This e-mail is not really helping. Today I have written only 200 words as my mind is preocuppied with other and more important things. So, it shouldnt be preoccupied with her as well. I have decided not to reply to her e-mail for a week or so. A person should not make you feel uncomfortable in any way. Then they are not friendship material.