How to shut up and act like a woman
This is the sort of town where I am most safe in my toilet where the most offensive things I hear are of my own making (or from my next door neighbor Mr Farty bottom). Often I find that having a conversation with people here is sort of like walking up to a random stranger and saying "no please, buzz me with this cattle prod". However, this is just the sort of snotty attitude that encourages my boyfriend to sigh "you hate everyone" so I'm going to have to go out there and Make Friends.
When I lived here during my Uni student days It was much easer to Make Friends. This was probably because I used to drink a lot and sometimes wear shirts with hand prints on my breasts. Very few of my friends from those days remain. They've all escaped moved away. I've only got two left. According to a friend from those days "Oh, what you don't know is that we are quite racist. We just don't talk certain ways around you." There is my friend Matt who is a glorious boy. He's on anti depressants now so his sex drive is dead and he is distinctly unlikely to hump your leg (unlike the old days where pushing him away was a normal part of my daily routine) he fixes my computer and buys me cookie dough ice cream when I'm feeling sorry for myself. His on again off again girlfriend is my other remaining friend and in the midst of conversation she tends to get bored and yell that her ear is hurting. Hurumph. I have two new ones (two in six months! why, my charismatic personality must be extremely compelling)
It's not that I think I am a wonderful, perfect and genius princess who must be treated accordingly (despite what my sister will tell you) it's just that things that I don't normally think about seem to get pushed to front of every conversation here so I'm always coming off like a drag or as one of Rhys friends charmingly put it "Thought police femnazi lesbian". I'd be much more popular if I'd just come to terms with women deserving be to raped and that the appropriate context for racist language is all day everyday. Maybe I should give it a whirl. I will have one week (starting tomorrow) of complete assimilation and see if I'd be happier person. I will dress like they dress, I will talk like they talk (That will mostly just involve shutting up and nodding approvingly whenever men speak) and I will drink like they drink. I won't be fucking like they fuck because still I'm too uptight about enjoy sex as opposed to having come in my eye. Who knows, maybe I've got that hand print over breast shirt still lying about in a cupboard somewhere.
When I lived here during my Uni student days It was much easer to Make Friends. This was probably because I used to drink a lot and sometimes wear shirts with hand prints on my breasts. Very few of my friends from those days remain. They've all escaped moved away. I've only got two left. According to a friend from those days "Oh, what you don't know is that we are quite racist. We just don't talk certain ways around you." There is my friend Matt who is a glorious boy. He's on anti depressants now so his sex drive is dead and he is distinctly unlikely to hump your leg (unlike the old days where pushing him away was a normal part of my daily routine) he fixes my computer and buys me cookie dough ice cream when I'm feeling sorry for myself. His on again off again girlfriend is my other remaining friend and in the midst of conversation she tends to get bored and yell that her ear is hurting. Hurumph. I have two new ones (two in six months! why, my charismatic personality must be extremely compelling)
It's not that I think I am a wonderful, perfect and genius princess who must be treated accordingly (despite what my sister will tell you) it's just that things that I don't normally think about seem to get pushed to front of every conversation here so I'm always coming off like a drag or as one of Rhys friends charmingly put it "Thought police femnazi lesbian". I'd be much more popular if I'd just come to terms with women deserving be to raped and that the appropriate context for racist language is all day everyday. Maybe I should give it a whirl. I will have one week (starting tomorrow) of complete assimilation and see if I'd be happier person. I will dress like they dress, I will talk like they talk (That will mostly just involve shutting up and nodding approvingly whenever men speak) and I will drink like they drink. I won't be fucking like they fuck because still I'm too uptight about enjoy sex as opposed to having come in my eye. Who knows, maybe I've got that hand print over breast shirt still lying about in a cupboard somewhere.