divestiture

[msree]

I'm not sure what to write about, but I decided at the New Year that I was going to have at least one journal entry within each calendar month of 2013. I am far too stubborn to give up on that so easily and so early in the year

Comments

[elenbarathi]

Yay, good to see you here again. It's okay to have pre-wedding jitters - it doesn't mean your commitment isn't strong; it's just realization of how major a commitment it really is, and how much work it will require of both of you for the rest of your lives. That's a daunting prospect, no matter how much you truly want it, so some jittering is inevitable.

Ahh, getting rid of stuff. There's an old saying, "Three moves is as good as a fire" - it always seems hard, but paring down the possessions is liberating, especially if one is probably going to be moving several times, or a lot of times. Surely your Mom will let you store some things - LOL, it's part of the standard Mom job-description - and, y'know, if you had more stuff than she had space for it, there's always storage units; they're not that expensive.

My husband and I moved from Ohio to Washington State in 1987, giving away everything but what would fit in the old van I bought (and learned to drive in) and 800 lbs. of books mailed 4th Class to my parents' house. We camped our rambling way to WA, then offloaded everything into my parents' garage, left my cat with them, and went forth to live in the van while househunting and job-hunting, staying in the State Parks by night. Camp-stove and backpack is not a lifestyle one would permanently choose, but it's not bad for a short time, especially when young and in love.

LOL, "Bunyip"; now you've got me doing it.

[msree]

Thanks. It's always comforting to be validated, especially on something so personal and important as marriage matters.

The furthest I've ever moved was from one county to the next one over, so your cross-country trip has me rather wide-eyed! I'm glad it worked for you, but I would be badly unsettled. I am a farmgirl at heart: I need room to stride and pace, but I also need blankets and a toaster and other banal creature comforts. I get sort of squirrelly without them. I think I could make it work for awhile, if I really had to, but those would NOT be comfortable days, and would not be fondly remembered!

I dislike the notion of renting a storage unit for us. Most of my belongings are nearly worthless - silly old video games picked up for $2 here and $5 there, public domain paperbacks, toys, that sort. I think it makes more sense to try to sell the more valuable items and take most of the remainder to a charity drop-off. In practice, however, I just want to keep all my stuff because it's mine, even though I don't use it. It's a wretched mindset and I'm trying to overcome it.

Bunyip!

[elenbarathi]

Well... it's one thing to get rid of stuff you'll never use, but don't be too merciless with your old books and toys; keep what you love, even if it would have no value to anyone else. Obviously one can't be sentimental about every last grade-school Valentine, but if your Mom has room for it to stay, just pack it up neat and tight, and think about it some other year. Those plastic storage bins that fit under a bed are perfect for storing books.

I've moved all my life - Tennessee to Alaska to California (three different towns) to New Jersey before I was 9, then Pennsylvania at 16, Ohio at 20 - I moved ten times in my first five years there - Washington at 30, and my current house is my ninth in 25 years here. LOL, and I've been badly unsettled every single move; I fuss and flap and have all kinds of difficulties; even after all this practice, it never goes the way I intended.

It does go somehow, though, and that's the main thing. And if one has to move, one might just as well put a bold and cheery face on it, and call it an exciting adventure rather than a distressing ordeal. One of my very dear friends, I've helped her move five times in ten years, and the sixth is fast approaching, and every time she's Horribly Traumatized by the whole process, which is understandable but not at all helpful. Moving is sad and stressful enough when one is moving by choice to a better place, let alone when one's home is being sold out from under one, or one can't afford the rent, or the household has become unbearable, but even so, it's not the end of the world.

Creature comforts are a very good thing indeed, but it's surprising how quickly one adapts to doing without them, or having them in a modified form. Blankets, one can bring along; a toaster too, if that's essential, or a pie iron if one is cooking over a fire; the campgrounds have slot-machine showers.... it's all do-able, if not exactly comfortable. Funny about memory, though - recalling my struggle to get dressed for an interview, there in the damp concrete womens' shower-room of Larrabee State Park, after a month of camping on the road - it totally sucked at the time, but I remember it fondly now nevertheless, a quarter-century after the fact.

Adventures are uncomfortable by definition - if it's not uncomfortable, it's not an adventure, it's a vacation - and usually, the more adventurous they are, the more uncomfortable, up to and including 'discomfort' defined as "OhGod ohGod we're all going to die". The whole point of that is how wonderful it feels when, against all odds, one survives!!! And it also feels wonderful later, when one can say of lesser discomforts, "Hey, I've survived worse." Change happens, discomfort happens, so one might as well get something good out of it, neh?

Sometimes one gets a lot more good than one expected. There's a saying I like, "Love is what you've been through with somebody" - nothing bonds people more closely than overcoming difficulties together.

*hugs* I wish you a joyful marriage, with only enough 'adventure' to keep life interesting, and only enough having-to-move to keep the clutter from piling up. And plenty of BUNYIP!!!