(no subject)
When you love me, it's like nothing is impossible. But when you don't, and I feel like I lose my rank, I wonder when exactly it is that I've been fooled. And really, they say it's never so much this moment I love you, this moment I don't. But I don't think that's true. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. And who knows what's true anyway.
I made such weird observations. The differences between then and now. Even when you get older, you don't grow up. Growing up can happen anytime. And usually it's a time when you don't want it to happen.
This sound depressing yet I'm not at all depressed. Last night they all talked about the horrors of their childhood yet I remained silent. Everyone has horrors. Everyone has weird loss and betrayal. But mine is mine is mine is mine.
Sometimes things break parts of you and you try so hard to keep the strong face and not fall apart that you never really let it get fixed. And you try so hard to remember the bad times so that you don't trick yourself into thinking it was all so good before that one defining moment. That one single moment that changed everything. And I still think I was good enough but maybe just not necessary. Being necessary isn't at all how it seems. Necessary, not like having a toilet in your house....necessary like having a cat in your house. Being necessary would be perfect I think. I hope someday to be that.
The other night I actually had a conversation with the leo who won't speak to anyone. That was weird. I almost was too surprised to speak myself.
I'm just bouncing shit around cause I can do that here. Sadness comes in patches. Patch Adams. Gay.
I made such weird observations. The differences between then and now. Even when you get older, you don't grow up. Growing up can happen anytime. And usually it's a time when you don't want it to happen.
This sound depressing yet I'm not at all depressed. Last night they all talked about the horrors of their childhood yet I remained silent. Everyone has horrors. Everyone has weird loss and betrayal. But mine is mine is mine is mine.
Sometimes things break parts of you and you try so hard to keep the strong face and not fall apart that you never really let it get fixed. And you try so hard to remember the bad times so that you don't trick yourself into thinking it was all so good before that one defining moment. That one single moment that changed everything. And I still think I was good enough but maybe just not necessary. Being necessary isn't at all how it seems. Necessary, not like having a toilet in your house....necessary like having a cat in your house. Being necessary would be perfect I think. I hope someday to be that.
The other night I actually had a conversation with the leo who won't speak to anyone. That was weird. I almost was too surprised to speak myself.
I'm just bouncing shit around cause I can do that here. Sadness comes in patches. Patch Adams. Gay.