(no subject)
Sometimes it's such a relief to come to work. That is so sad. I wish the girl wasn't having sickness and tooth pain that creates a moodiness I have trouble adapting to. When things are good, they're phenomenal. When they're not, well, I try to be patient and put my walls up a bit just because I am naturally a very sensitive person and I get the old feeling hurt every now and then just by someone being short with me.
I know things will get better. I've been down this road before and it always gets better. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it would be a good idea to go back on the antidepressants. I always wonder that, though whenever shit starts to get a little deep and I haven't been on them in over a year. Um, yeah, I think I'd like to stay away cause the withhdrawal is so bad for me when I stop and I always wanna stop. Plus, with shit the way it is now, I'm going on a major anti-drug phase again. Whatever.
Francis is a cute little fucker. He is the most beggingest (haha) cat I've ever seen. Meowmeowmeowmeow over and over the whole time you are eating and he get right up in your food. I thought Vinny was bad, but Vinny's bad in a different sort of way...like if he wants what you're eating, he'll just smack it out of your hand. Everyone seems to be getting used to him. I want to post some picks of the little fella but I have to get my film developed cause I still use that stuff (film) cause I am not technologically savvy hence I have no digital camera. I do however like the idea of possibly getting one. Instant gratification. One of the reasons I bought a Polaroid a year or so ago.
Anyway, I'm trying to maintain. I'm trying. My grandfather, get this, is actually doing much better. He's eating again and he is off of every medication he's ever been on, which makes me wonder how much that shit really helps. I mean, I know it's inevitable that he won't be around much longer but it's soooo goooood to see him feeling better and even smiling and eating.
Tomorrow morning the window man is coming to replace my windshield. I am still furious about that. I was surprised though that it was as inexpensive as it was. I mean, it's still expensive but I was thinking it would be fitting that it would be still below my deductible but way higher than it actually is.
It's time for me to go home. For some reason I really don't want to. Maybe because it's so cold outside. Maybe not. And it IS cold, indeed. I need the weather to break before I do. I'm getting cabin fever in a big big way. Maybe that's another contributing factor to the moodiness going on in my house. I can't wait to actually open the fucking windows, get the plastic off of them and get the sunshine pouring in. I don't even care if I can't sleep, although I sleep very well with the sun shining on me. Drawn shades and any sun blocking device on a house make me nervous. I don't know why. Why am I so weird? Why do stupid things make me nervous, make my stomach turn?
I wanna be done with all this shit. I want peace again. I want her to still love me. I want to stop even questioning things like that cause THAT only makes it worse. She does.
justkeepswimmingjustkeepswimming.
luv
I know things will get better. I've been down this road before and it always gets better. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it would be a good idea to go back on the antidepressants. I always wonder that, though whenever shit starts to get a little deep and I haven't been on them in over a year. Um, yeah, I think I'd like to stay away cause the withhdrawal is so bad for me when I stop and I always wanna stop. Plus, with shit the way it is now, I'm going on a major anti-drug phase again. Whatever.
Francis is a cute little fucker. He is the most beggingest (haha) cat I've ever seen. Meowmeowmeowmeow over and over the whole time you are eating and he get right up in your food. I thought Vinny was bad, but Vinny's bad in a different sort of way...like if he wants what you're eating, he'll just smack it out of your hand. Everyone seems to be getting used to him. I want to post some picks of the little fella but I have to get my film developed cause I still use that stuff (film) cause I am not technologically savvy hence I have no digital camera. I do however like the idea of possibly getting one. Instant gratification. One of the reasons I bought a Polaroid a year or so ago.
Anyway, I'm trying to maintain. I'm trying. My grandfather, get this, is actually doing much better. He's eating again and he is off of every medication he's ever been on, which makes me wonder how much that shit really helps. I mean, I know it's inevitable that he won't be around much longer but it's soooo goooood to see him feeling better and even smiling and eating.
Tomorrow morning the window man is coming to replace my windshield. I am still furious about that. I was surprised though that it was as inexpensive as it was. I mean, it's still expensive but I was thinking it would be fitting that it would be still below my deductible but way higher than it actually is.
It's time for me to go home. For some reason I really don't want to. Maybe because it's so cold outside. Maybe not. And it IS cold, indeed. I need the weather to break before I do. I'm getting cabin fever in a big big way. Maybe that's another contributing factor to the moodiness going on in my house. I can't wait to actually open the fucking windows, get the plastic off of them and get the sunshine pouring in. I don't even care if I can't sleep, although I sleep very well with the sun shining on me. Drawn shades and any sun blocking device on a house make me nervous. I don't know why. Why am I so weird? Why do stupid things make me nervous, make my stomach turn?
I wanna be done with all this shit. I want peace again. I want her to still love me. I want to stop even questioning things like that cause THAT only makes it worse. She does.
justkeepswimmingjustkeepswimming.
luv