(no subject)
I swear, one day I will have something positive to say in this journal. But for now, here's how my life is shit right now.
1. My grandfather is dying. He is in so much pain and I hate seeing him cry and beg to go home. It's killing me inside. His heart is slowly giving up. They put in a temporary pacemaker. Then they took it out, took out his IV's and he's in a hospice now just waiting for the next heart attack so he can finally be done with all this. I wish it would happen. It breaks my heart to see him hurt so much.
2. Some fucking asshole smashed my windshield. On our first night at our new practice spot. Fuck East Cleveland. Seriously, Fuck It.
3. Some personal relationship stuff that I don't feel is proper to put here. Things are better today but she has spells every few months where somehow I become borderline retarded.
Dude, I am so ready to have a breakdown. Seems so much in my life is either dying or not working. I mean, wtf is going on here? I wonder if someone put a hex on me?
So, being the eternal optimist I am at heart the good in each of these things:
1. When my grampa finally does go, he will be in that "better place". He'll be able to walk without losing his balance, he can be with my grandma and my aunt and his parents. And I always tried to look at death by thinking, ok, here's one more person who loved me in this life up there pulling for me. He's has lived a very long time (92 years) and he's just as sharp in the mind (even now!) as he was 40 years ago. He's lived an honorable life. He was the most hard-working person I've ever known. I could go on and on but, really, I can't right now.
2. At least the bastards didn't steal anything. FUCK EAST CLEVELAND!!!!!
3. Today was much, much better.
So, yeah. I'm praying for strength almost constantly lately and I need a break. I really do. I mean, whenever I'm alone, I've cried the whole time. I mean, bawled. Just to try to get it out of me. But it's still there in fragments. I hope those fuckers who broke my windshield are real satisfied with themselves. My grampa who is dying helped me buy that truck.
I'm afraid a little of this not really releasing this shit bubbling up. I have an anger problem that I've kept in check for quite a while now, but I'm afraid that if one more thing happens I'm gonna pop a cork.
Another good thing, that kitten we got is awesome. Here's an update for those who asked;
His name is Francis James Spuliani. He's 3 months old, black (brown really). and he's very vocal.
gnight y'all.
1. My grandfather is dying. He is in so much pain and I hate seeing him cry and beg to go home. It's killing me inside. His heart is slowly giving up. They put in a temporary pacemaker. Then they took it out, took out his IV's and he's in a hospice now just waiting for the next heart attack so he can finally be done with all this. I wish it would happen. It breaks my heart to see him hurt so much.
2. Some fucking asshole smashed my windshield. On our first night at our new practice spot. Fuck East Cleveland. Seriously, Fuck It.
3. Some personal relationship stuff that I don't feel is proper to put here. Things are better today but she has spells every few months where somehow I become borderline retarded.
Dude, I am so ready to have a breakdown. Seems so much in my life is either dying or not working. I mean, wtf is going on here? I wonder if someone put a hex on me?
So, being the eternal optimist I am at heart the good in each of these things:
1. When my grampa finally does go, he will be in that "better place". He'll be able to walk without losing his balance, he can be with my grandma and my aunt and his parents. And I always tried to look at death by thinking, ok, here's one more person who loved me in this life up there pulling for me. He's has lived a very long time (92 years) and he's just as sharp in the mind (even now!) as he was 40 years ago. He's lived an honorable life. He was the most hard-working person I've ever known. I could go on and on but, really, I can't right now.
2. At least the bastards didn't steal anything. FUCK EAST CLEVELAND!!!!!
3. Today was much, much better.
So, yeah. I'm praying for strength almost constantly lately and I need a break. I really do. I mean, whenever I'm alone, I've cried the whole time. I mean, bawled. Just to try to get it out of me. But it's still there in fragments. I hope those fuckers who broke my windshield are real satisfied with themselves. My grampa who is dying helped me buy that truck.
I'm afraid a little of this not really releasing this shit bubbling up. I have an anger problem that I've kept in check for quite a while now, but I'm afraid that if one more thing happens I'm gonna pop a cork.
Another good thing, that kitten we got is awesome. Here's an update for those who asked;
His name is Francis James Spuliani. He's 3 months old, black (brown really). and he's very vocal.
gnight y'all.