Help.
Someone please. Make it stop. I thought I was getting over him, but I've realized I'm not. For like the past two weeks, he's barely hung out with me, hasn't texted and has barely even acknowledged I've been around. Maybe he's pissed that I'm hanging with his ex fuck buddy? I don't know. But she's my friend and he has no place in telling me who I can and can't be friends with... Which he tried at one point and I flat out told him that. But tonight he said he was going to come hang out and then said he was too tired to. And it hurt more than I thought it would. Why isn't he hanging out with me anymore? I know, it should help with me getting over him, but the past couple of weeks, I've fallen back into THESE FEELINGS, and I have no idea why. I thought I was doing well with getting over him, but I guess I'm not. I don't want to be in love with someone who doesn't want me anymore. I just want it to go away.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Here's a history of my Tumblr posts from most recent to oldest (yes, I know I sound bipolar):
1) Had a relapse. He told me he missed me like four times when we were hanging out the other night. Got drunk the following night and followed him around like a freaking puppy dog.
So, naturally, I have to start over again. Was at a BBQ last night and did my best to stay away from him. Stayed away from the alcohol and made only passing conversation. Left feeling like I was back in the “get over him” game. As my friend and I were walking home, she tells me that he was “ogling” me all night. I did catch him staring at me once, but he looked away when I caught him. Part of me was like: WHOOOOO!
But then my brain goes, YOU ARE TRYING TO MOVE ON!!!
Ugh. Why are you such a fucking douche!
2) Heading home tomorrow…. weird to call FL home after living in NJ for 22 of my 31 years…. wondering when I’m going to see him and how he’s going to act. I’m sure as hell he missed me… question is, did I miss him…. I’m not sure. I guess that means no, right? But I’m talking about it so that means yes? Either way, I don’t have a clear cut answer and the fact that I’m not ZOMG I MISSED YOU AND NEED TO HANG NOW!!?!?!?! is a step forward in the “getting over you” department. So that’s a plus :-)
3) So, I’ve been hanging out less and less with “the guy” the past two weeks. It helps that I’m visiting my parents in NJ so I’ve been away since Thursday. Last I saw him was on Monday, and I didn’t fawn all over him like I usually do. Haven’t spoken to him since. And despite him asking if I got home the other three times I went to Orlando, he never checked to make sure I got to NJ okay. I figured he was mad at me for hanging out with his ex-fuck buddy… not girlfriend, but fuck buddy. They had a bad breakup (or whatever you call it when you’re just fucking), but I’m still friends with her. I hung out with her all Memorial Day weekend. So I assumed he was annoyed at me for it. Last night, I get a text: ”We miss you down here! Hope ur having a good time :) See you soon.”
Uh, WHO misses me? You never text my brother when he visits NJ saying “we miss you.” Grow a fucking set and just admit you like me and miss me and don’t like it when I don’t pay attention to you. Because if you don’t, I’m gonna get over you and THEN you’ll realize you want me.
And you know what? I’m not missing hanging out with you as much as I thought I would. Chew on that.
4) Was doing really well in my exercise to forget about boy who doesn’t want me (though he might just a teeny bit. It’s confusing.) Then, the thing that always happens happened. We hung out, got drunk and hung out until 5am. And I proceed to hear about how awesome I am and how much he loves me. And then he begs me to stay. And then I go home, go to sleep and try to start forgetting about him all over again. FML. Why do I fall for people who I SHOULDN’T want. He’s bad for me. He strings me along. He doesn’t want me. He drinks like a fish. He does drugs. I shouldn’t want him, but I do. FUCK MY LIFE.
5) I love how you kept wandering over to me while I was ignoring you and watching the NY Rangers playoff game. Get used to it. Because it’s going to be happening a lot more. I’m not going to be your little bitch anymore who showers you with attention. I feel myself getting stronger every day
6) You know, I’m done with being sad and depressed about having my mind fucked with. Now? Now I’m just fucking angry. Things are going to change. You want me? Fine, go for it. You don’t? FUCK OFF AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DO. And stop blaming me for you drinking so much when we hang out. You drank just as much before I was around, and you’ll drink just as much if I’m not. DEAL WITH IT.
7) Got the “you’re my best friend” story tonight. And, as I am literally typing this out, got a text message saying, “So lucky to have you in my life.”
You don’t even know how ugly the cry I’m having right now is.
Why can’t I win for once?
8) When the guy you like texts you random things that make you think he likes you back even though he says he doesn’t (but most of the time acts like he does).
STOP FUCKING WITH MY HEAD. It stresses me out and upsets me and makes me want to hit stuff :-/
Any advice would be appreciated.
Here's a history of my Tumblr posts from most recent to oldest (yes, I know I sound bipolar):
1) Had a relapse. He told me he missed me like four times when we were hanging out the other night. Got drunk the following night and followed him around like a freaking puppy dog.
So, naturally, I have to start over again. Was at a BBQ last night and did my best to stay away from him. Stayed away from the alcohol and made only passing conversation. Left feeling like I was back in the “get over him” game. As my friend and I were walking home, she tells me that he was “ogling” me all night. I did catch him staring at me once, but he looked away when I caught him. Part of me was like: WHOOOOO!
But then my brain goes, YOU ARE TRYING TO MOVE ON!!!
Ugh. Why are you such a fucking douche!
2) Heading home tomorrow…. weird to call FL home after living in NJ for 22 of my 31 years…. wondering when I’m going to see him and how he’s going to act. I’m sure as hell he missed me… question is, did I miss him…. I’m not sure. I guess that means no, right? But I’m talking about it so that means yes? Either way, I don’t have a clear cut answer and the fact that I’m not ZOMG I MISSED YOU AND NEED TO HANG NOW!!?!?!?! is a step forward in the “getting over you” department. So that’s a plus :-)
3) So, I’ve been hanging out less and less with “the guy” the past two weeks. It helps that I’m visiting my parents in NJ so I’ve been away since Thursday. Last I saw him was on Monday, and I didn’t fawn all over him like I usually do. Haven’t spoken to him since. And despite him asking if I got home the other three times I went to Orlando, he never checked to make sure I got to NJ okay. I figured he was mad at me for hanging out with his ex-fuck buddy… not girlfriend, but fuck buddy. They had a bad breakup (or whatever you call it when you’re just fucking), but I’m still friends with her. I hung out with her all Memorial Day weekend. So I assumed he was annoyed at me for it. Last night, I get a text: ”We miss you down here! Hope ur having a good time :) See you soon.”
Uh, WHO misses me? You never text my brother when he visits NJ saying “we miss you.” Grow a fucking set and just admit you like me and miss me and don’t like it when I don’t pay attention to you. Because if you don’t, I’m gonna get over you and THEN you’ll realize you want me.
And you know what? I’m not missing hanging out with you as much as I thought I would. Chew on that.
4) Was doing really well in my exercise to forget about boy who doesn’t want me (though he might just a teeny bit. It’s confusing.) Then, the thing that always happens happened. We hung out, got drunk and hung out until 5am. And I proceed to hear about how awesome I am and how much he loves me. And then he begs me to stay. And then I go home, go to sleep and try to start forgetting about him all over again. FML. Why do I fall for people who I SHOULDN’T want. He’s bad for me. He strings me along. He doesn’t want me. He drinks like a fish. He does drugs. I shouldn’t want him, but I do. FUCK MY LIFE.
5) I love how you kept wandering over to me while I was ignoring you and watching the NY Rangers playoff game. Get used to it. Because it’s going to be happening a lot more. I’m not going to be your little bitch anymore who showers you with attention. I feel myself getting stronger every day
6) You know, I’m done with being sad and depressed about having my mind fucked with. Now? Now I’m just fucking angry. Things are going to change. You want me? Fine, go for it. You don’t? FUCK OFF AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DO. And stop blaming me for you drinking so much when we hang out. You drank just as much before I was around, and you’ll drink just as much if I’m not. DEAL WITH IT.
7) Got the “you’re my best friend” story tonight. And, as I am literally typing this out, got a text message saying, “So lucky to have you in my life.”
You don’t even know how ugly the cry I’m having right now is.
Why can’t I win for once?
8) When the guy you like texts you random things that make you think he likes you back even though he says he doesn’t (but most of the time acts like he does).
STOP FUCKING WITH MY HEAD. It stresses me out and upsets me and makes me want to hit stuff :-/