Hug Club
So, this is a story about q time in 2001 -2003 roughly ... I figure I need to focus on telling my own stories
HUG CLUB
"You have tested me for Syphilis three times now and they all came back negative, I'm willing to accept the fact I just may be just insane; but please let's investigate other causes." I tell the doctor at the Haight Street Free Clinic. In their defense I had memory loss and was wearing a "Sluts Unite' t-shirt, so Syphilis seemed like a valid diagnoses.
The reason for why I was losing periods of time was a bit unclear maybe something to with a few head bang incidents or stress. It was hard to tell completely even after the MRI; because I had the condition for about a year and half. I told a friend how I had learned tricks to adjust to it and she insisted I go see a doctor right way.
I was willing to just believe I was having a nervous breakdown. I was having enough stress that I felt like I snapped. During very stressful childhood times I blocked things out. I had poems from my youth about black holes in memory. I was thinking this time, it was similar to Edward Norton's condition in 'Fight Club'. I envisioned in my lost time creating a secret army, making plans to start a social revolution and hanging out with and boxing sweaty, buff, shirtless men... But nope..whatever I was doing it was getting me hugged by strangers.
Well I guess they weren't strangers cause they had shared with me their deepest and darkest issues of the day, so they would latter recap for me. During my black out, I was holding space for people to open up to me and free themselves of a flood of emotions. I am not sure if I gave them good advice or advice at all ... But it made them all a bit happier...sometimes just having someone listen is so helpful. Anyway, people kept coming to me, hugging me, and thanking me; and I would smile and say "Your welcome. I'm glad you are feeling better, kitten." I would mean it, but I was also calling them 'kitten' cause I couldn't remember their names...
Also, due to my raddled brain, an idea from an ex, and a need to make things in my life - a life... I started going place, meeting people, sending out weekly group emails and doing artist workshops... But even though I use to manage databases at work.. I couldn't figure out how to run one on my own computer. So I created one massive email group and sent them the weekly emails. When you send people weekly emails with details of your life... People either ask to be taken off the list, assume they really know you or share their lives back with you... I was amazed about the amount of people that did the last two; and how amazing those people were.
I don't do the weekly emails anymore, just a big Christmas email and every year I have at least one person - often more that share their most sad, happy, and beautiful stories with me cause I shared first.
In my life I have been a lot of things that don't seem logical and bit crazy that have strangely worked out wonderfully well, maybe not as planned... I believe if first you don't succeed - keep doing what you are doing just change what you hope the out come is - to another good thing...
I got an idea for the first fiction story to be published in an anthology from the blackouts
All that benefit for myself and other ... From blackouts, that I accepted and worked around and worked with. When I try to wrap my head around making 'gone crazy' work for me and others; I think of the word of the penguin in 'Fight Club' - "slide"
HUG CLUB
"You have tested me for Syphilis three times now and they all came back negative, I'm willing to accept the fact I just may be just insane; but please let's investigate other causes." I tell the doctor at the Haight Street Free Clinic. In their defense I had memory loss and was wearing a "Sluts Unite' t-shirt, so Syphilis seemed like a valid diagnoses.
The reason for why I was losing periods of time was a bit unclear maybe something to with a few head bang incidents or stress. It was hard to tell completely even after the MRI; because I had the condition for about a year and half. I told a friend how I had learned tricks to adjust to it and she insisted I go see a doctor right way.
I was willing to just believe I was having a nervous breakdown. I was having enough stress that I felt like I snapped. During very stressful childhood times I blocked things out. I had poems from my youth about black holes in memory. I was thinking this time, it was similar to Edward Norton's condition in 'Fight Club'. I envisioned in my lost time creating a secret army, making plans to start a social revolution and hanging out with and boxing sweaty, buff, shirtless men... But nope..whatever I was doing it was getting me hugged by strangers.
Well I guess they weren't strangers cause they had shared with me their deepest and darkest issues of the day, so they would latter recap for me. During my black out, I was holding space for people to open up to me and free themselves of a flood of emotions. I am not sure if I gave them good advice or advice at all ... But it made them all a bit happier...sometimes just having someone listen is so helpful. Anyway, people kept coming to me, hugging me, and thanking me; and I would smile and say "Your welcome. I'm glad you are feeling better, kitten." I would mean it, but I was also calling them 'kitten' cause I couldn't remember their names...
Also, due to my raddled brain, an idea from an ex, and a need to make things in my life - a life... I started going place, meeting people, sending out weekly group emails and doing artist workshops... But even though I use to manage databases at work.. I couldn't figure out how to run one on my own computer. So I created one massive email group and sent them the weekly emails. When you send people weekly emails with details of your life... People either ask to be taken off the list, assume they really know you or share their lives back with you... I was amazed about the amount of people that did the last two; and how amazing those people were.
I don't do the weekly emails anymore, just a big Christmas email and every year I have at least one person - often more that share their most sad, happy, and beautiful stories with me cause I shared first.
In my life I have been a lot of things that don't seem logical and bit crazy that have strangely worked out wonderfully well, maybe not as planned... I believe if first you don't succeed - keep doing what you are doing just change what you hope the out come is - to another good thing...
I got an idea for the first fiction story to be published in an anthology from the blackouts
All that benefit for myself and other ... From blackouts, that I accepted and worked around and worked with. When I try to wrap my head around making 'gone crazy' work for me and others; I think of the word of the penguin in 'Fight Club' - "slide"