(no subject)
So I don't really know how to feel right now. If you could tell me, that'd be awesome.
I've finally made my decision about where I'm going to continue my college education. It was long, and sad, and real, but I know I've made the right decision. I'm going to stay at UCLA. It's hard to give all of the reasons why, but just know that it took a lot of soul searching and confusion, weighing pros and cons, and lots of coffee. Well, the coffee was more because I like it when I'm thinking, and I like it the mornings after I've stayed up too long thinking. Anyway, it feels like the end of an era, having this decision made. I've got a lot of amazing things to look forward to in the next couple of years, and some awesome people to spend them with. Now that I have consciously made the decision to stick it out here, I'm hoping I will put myself in check and realize this is where I'm at and that I need to try my best here, both socially and academically.
my biggest sadness is about what i might have to give up. it feels like the biggest part of me, and knowing that i might lose it because of my decision kills me. We've worked so hard, but I don't know how much more I can take while trying to be happy in LA. It's hard and it hurts... so I don't really want to think about it. It's easier to concentrate on the awesome year to come and believe that I can have my cake and eat it too.
It is time for bed and reflection and then waking up to morning coffee.