today I'm angry.

[msdapikle]

I'm in a bad mood, and until I get to yell at my mother or throw things I don't think I'll feel much better. this is the flavor of angry that can only be cured by a tantrum. Since I'm 21 and tantrums are generally frowned upon, I'll have to deal with the fact that I'm shaking with anger and unable to think about anything else until I have it out with my mother. What a great week. I really wish today was friday. I don't feel like going to work tomorrow.

My mom calling me at 10:45 last night to let me know she's married was a slap in the face. It's like running out of money, your card gets rejected, and the bank calls happily to "just let you know you're poor!!" I'd quit that bank... wouldn't you? I mean, supposing I came back into some money, would you take it there? or would you rather leave it underneath your mattress? I say mattress.

So when my mom comes back into town, what kind of relationship should I plan on having with her? it can't be a loving, caring relationship in which you don't do things to deeply hurt the other. I'm not sure I want a relationship with that bank at all. The only problem is, she's my only mother and what I've learned from grandad is that these things go away too soon. I would probably kick myself then. So, I should get over it? pretend it didn't happen? not likely.

I'm very upset right now, and for the record, I've never felt so unimportant in my life. I hope I'm never this hurtful to any child of mine.