Sad.
I'm really depressed today, but I want to endure it. Not doing anything unnatural. Really register why and move on from it. Rafic is in Detox, it's making me really sad.....his phone only beeps when you call it, which I don't know if that means it's suspended or changed. He said he would not leave me, and now I'm beginning to wonder if I sounded too desperate. He said never, "I thought we were on the same page". I'll be gone for 5-7 days. I'll call you to night and let you know what I'm going to be doing. He never called me. I'm sure it was really heavy and he doesn't always like to share the negative things he's feeling or going through. He knows they upset me. I know it won't be any later than Sunday til' I hear him. I see now, why I was supposed to do what I was SUPPOSED to do. I would be okay right now. I wouldn't be stressed out about it. I have created this epidermis of complete turmoil all defined by my exterior...and inside...............inside, I can't identify anything.....except discomfort and the things that make that discomfort go away instantaneously.................will i hear from him?.........I am very sad. My love. He was passing out on me before he went...he needed too. So badly. I feel selfish wanting anything other than him getting well. I'm also not a good advocate for motivation. But when he stops I stop, I was only using when I was with him. I wonder if were going to be the statistical relationship that just can't work. He said he'd never leave me. . . . . I'm haunted by the silence and ignorance of where he is..........I know he's okay. Better off.