(no subject)
Welp... she's gone. Again. This time... I think it may be for good.
My mother came to live with us three weeks ago because she had finally given up on the whole Brad situation and she realized that things weren't working out too good with Kevin either. The whole week that she was here she did nothing but drink and smoke pot while she cried and lamented over the loss of Kevin... who... from all the stories she's told me about him over the past year... is a total loser. Then... despite my best efforts to talk some sense into her... she went back to him. Because she's in love with him. Well... she gets back to Florida and what a surprise... a week later... she came back because Kevin was still Kevin and she had finally had enough.
I think she came back Monday night at 2 in the morning. Tuesday was uneventful. Wednesday morning she made breakfast for me before work. And this is where everything went downhill... I just didn't know it yet! She was looking for a pan. I told her where to find one. She looked under the stove and "couldn't find one" so she grabbed the scratched-up Teflon pan that goes with our electric skillet. Confused about where my pans were... I looked under the stove and found the small frying pan. I pulled it out and told her to use that one instead of the Teflon... because it's unsafe to cook with scratched Teflon.
She cooked the eggs and everything was fine. I went into the kitchen to put my plate away and get something to drink and I stepped in a large sticky spot which annoyed me. So I made a comment about her spilling her margarita mix and not cleaning it up. She got defensive about the comment and stated that she never went to the fridge with her drink. That she poured it near the sink and went directly to the living room with it. I was like "okay, fine... whatever." It really wasn't THAT big of a deal! But since I know that I didn't do it... and John hadn't been home since the night before... it was only logical that she was responsible for the sticky spot on the floor. Yanno... I may have been bitchy about the comment... but I can only go off past performances and in my experience when John drinks... he gets sloppy and spills booze and wine on the counters and floor and I don't find out about it until the next day when it's dried and sticky. Now I had two sloppy drinkers in the house and yes... it annoyed me.
It annoys me that she's drinking at all. She threw away 10 years of sobriety. But that's another tangent entirely.
And the final unspeakable act involves 4 sprouted potatoes and a $300 chess table. My mother was cleaning out the pantry and she discovered some forgotten potatoes. She took them out of the pantry and she put them on a little set of shelves near the door that we keep shoes in... sometimes. I had no problem at all with this. I think I asked her what her plans for the potatoes were... whether she was going to plant them or what. A few minutes passed and the next time I saw the potatoes... she had moved them from the little shelves to John's chess table. Without saying a word... I simply moved the potatoes from the chess table back to the little shelves. She comes out of the kitchen to tell me that she moved them there for blah blah blah and I was like... well... I paid $300 for this table and I really don't like to put things on top of it. (At that particular moment... the table was piled high with clothes and mail.) She looked at the table kind of confused and said... "Every time I have been here there has always been stuff on top of the table." And I said... I know... but still don't want anything on top of the chess table. (Especially food or drink! The whole issue with the chess table has been going on long before she ever came. We're supposed to be getting a glass top for it from our friend Justin.)
So then I went to work and came home. When I got home I was cheerful and I commented on how wonderful the house smelled because she had made a big pot of soup. She barely said two words to me. Then she mumbled something about going to bed. I was like... Ooookay. So I asked her if she was mad at me. She said... No. I'm just tired. I was like... allllright. And she went to bed.
The next morning I got up and she was watching television. I said Good Morning and went to the bathroom. Then I heard Sadie and Puppet fighting. I came out of the bathroom and was like... "What's going on in here?!" And she claimed that Sadie came into the living room and jumped on the couch, grabbed Puppet by the throat and started shaking her. For no reason at all. 1) Sadie is an alpha bitch. 2) This is Sadie's house. 3) What PROBABLY happened is... Puppet was sleeping on the couch and Sadie ran into the living room to take up residence in her second most favorite place in the house... the couch. Since Puppet was sleeping... when Sadie jumped up there... she was probably startled and reacted in some fashion. Which then caused Sadie to react as well. So... I take Sadie and put her in her crate. My mother takes puppet into her bedroom/the dining room and I can hear various snippets of her conversation... one of which is something to the effect of how she should put Puppet to sleep. At this point... it was more than I could bear... so I got dressed, grabbed my camera and left the house. I told my mother that I was going to run some errands and that I'd be back later.
I got home at around 2 and she and John were sitting on the couch. I walked in and said hello in my most cheerful voice. John returned my hello. My mother just gave me a dirty look with glassy eyes and then turned back toward the television. I tried to ignore it and I sat between them to join in their conversation. She didn't say more than 10 words to me and then she announced that she was going to her bedroom. I asked her if she was going to bed... and she said no... that she was going to lay down for a bit. She came out of the room at around 10PM and went to the bathroom. She didn't say a word to me... then she went back to her bedroom.
Friday morning arrives and when I get up... she's not here. I called her to find out where she was. She didn't answer the phone the first time I called. Then she called me back. I asked her where she was and she responded in a very nasty tone that she was at Papa Charlie's Cafe. Then the phone kinda died. So I called her back and she snapped at me that her purse was in the restaurant and she was outside on the phone and she didn't want to talk to me. Oooookay!
When John got home from work, we decided to go for a walk in the woods behind our house. We were gone for about 3 hours. When we got home, my mother was gone... but her truck and Puppet were still here. We assumed that she went for a walk in the woods. She got back as we were cleaning our shoes. Again... I greeted her in a cheerful tone and I tried to be friendly with her... but she was distant and she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. I said... I am going to sit down... I am exhausted. So I did.
She came inside and said... We're going to have to talk sometime. And I was like... Ya think?! And then she said... "Even if it is only to say good-bye." And I asked... "Are you leaving?" And I don't remember what she said next... but I don't think I'll ever forget her face. She was standing over me with the nastiest expression on her face and she made some comment that just made me snap. I think she said something about leaving and finally I just told her to go. She should pack her shit and get out. Right now. Then I told her that if she left that I would never speak to her again. And then the shit REALLY hit the fan. It escalated into a screaming match where I told her that I didn't appreciate her bitchy, bitchy attitude toward me for the past three days. She kept bringing up the fucking sticky spot on the floor and the god damned Teflon vs. Stainless Steel issue! WTF!? She had been pissed off at me for the past three days for the most ridiculous and inane reasons. Then she made some comment about how I was her only living relative blah blah blah and I didn't treat her with an ounce of respect. LIKE I OWE HER RESPECT!?! She sat around my house for days doing nothing but drinking, popping xanax and getting stoned. She gave away my husband's cat. She took 2 of my dogs and gave them away in Florida. She went back to Brad a year ago to exact her revenge on him for dumping her after 10 years. She took up with a violent criminal... then MOONED AND PINED over LOSING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am supposed to RESPECT her? She's been nothing but a disappointment and source of anxiety for the past 2 years. And she thinks she deserves my respect?
She said that I had no sympathy for her situation and for all that she's gone through. Which is total bullshit! I tried to help her move forward and to quit wallowing in the past because there was nothing good that would come of her going back to Florida. I told her that I wanted her to come here to heal and to start a new chapter in her life. I asked for NOTHING from her. I NEVER asked her to pay a bill... to chip in on rent... NOTHING. Yet... she had the gall to tell John that I only wanted her to come live with us to pay the bills. She told John that she was mad at me because I was making plans to go to a lure coursing event next weekend, despite the fact that I don't have insurance on my vehicle. The WHOLE reason I am GOING to the lure coursing event is TO MAKE MONEY by selling pictures of the dogs! She's also mad at me because the plants in my dining room are half-dead. WTF?!
So... she started grabbing her shit and loading it in her truck. At that point I totally lost it. I had an orange in my hand and I threw it at her... then I threw a large plastic cup of water at her... then I chased her out of the house and... I wanted to beat the living hell out of her. Instead I pushed her... and then I pushed her again. I almost pushed her down the stairs... and for a fleeting second I considered letting her fall. But I caught her and whirled her around and we started screaming at each other on the front porch. Great show for the neighbors. She said that I was still angry with her for abandoning me when I was 5 years old. Which really threw me for a loop because that has NOTHING to do with why I am so angry with her right now. I am angry with her for giving away my pets. I am angry with her for going back to Florida in the first place a year and a half ago. I am angry with her for turning my life upside down time and again with no consideration of anyone elses feelings but her own. (I told her before she came here a month ago that I was having a hard time with life myself and that I was dealing with severe depression and in a lot of pain from my neck injury... she never ONCE asked me about any of that.)
More yelling ensued... I grabbed her again. I wanted to hit her... to knock some sense into her. I was crying and hysterical... a few minutes later I told her to stay that I didn't want her to go and she looked me straight in the eyes and said... "You're done."
I keep replaying all of this in my head... and it could have gone a hundred different ways. But it didn't. She was standing over me with this nasty expression on her face and this bitchy self-righteous tone in her voice and it was just more than I could take.
I don't know what to do to fix this. I have no idea where she is. I do know that she left her phone at a rest stop in Florida. So now... I can't even call her to apologize for losing my temper. Not like it would matter.
And this whole thing started with Teflon, a sticky spot on the floor and potatoes on a chess table. This is all so ridiculous.
I feel like an orphan and I have no one in this world except John.
My mother came to live with us three weeks ago because she had finally given up on the whole Brad situation and she realized that things weren't working out too good with Kevin either. The whole week that she was here she did nothing but drink and smoke pot while she cried and lamented over the loss of Kevin... who... from all the stories she's told me about him over the past year... is a total loser. Then... despite my best efforts to talk some sense into her... she went back to him. Because she's in love with him. Well... she gets back to Florida and what a surprise... a week later... she came back because Kevin was still Kevin and she had finally had enough.
I think she came back Monday night at 2 in the morning. Tuesday was uneventful. Wednesday morning she made breakfast for me before work. And this is where everything went downhill... I just didn't know it yet! She was looking for a pan. I told her where to find one. She looked under the stove and "couldn't find one" so she grabbed the scratched-up Teflon pan that goes with our electric skillet. Confused about where my pans were... I looked under the stove and found the small frying pan. I pulled it out and told her to use that one instead of the Teflon... because it's unsafe to cook with scratched Teflon.
She cooked the eggs and everything was fine. I went into the kitchen to put my plate away and get something to drink and I stepped in a large sticky spot which annoyed me. So I made a comment about her spilling her margarita mix and not cleaning it up. She got defensive about the comment and stated that she never went to the fridge with her drink. That she poured it near the sink and went directly to the living room with it. I was like "okay, fine... whatever." It really wasn't THAT big of a deal! But since I know that I didn't do it... and John hadn't been home since the night before... it was only logical that she was responsible for the sticky spot on the floor. Yanno... I may have been bitchy about the comment... but I can only go off past performances and in my experience when John drinks... he gets sloppy and spills booze and wine on the counters and floor and I don't find out about it until the next day when it's dried and sticky. Now I had two sloppy drinkers in the house and yes... it annoyed me.
It annoys me that she's drinking at all. She threw away 10 years of sobriety. But that's another tangent entirely.
And the final unspeakable act involves 4 sprouted potatoes and a $300 chess table. My mother was cleaning out the pantry and she discovered some forgotten potatoes. She took them out of the pantry and she put them on a little set of shelves near the door that we keep shoes in... sometimes. I had no problem at all with this. I think I asked her what her plans for the potatoes were... whether she was going to plant them or what. A few minutes passed and the next time I saw the potatoes... she had moved them from the little shelves to John's chess table. Without saying a word... I simply moved the potatoes from the chess table back to the little shelves. She comes out of the kitchen to tell me that she moved them there for blah blah blah and I was like... well... I paid $300 for this table and I really don't like to put things on top of it. (At that particular moment... the table was piled high with clothes and mail.) She looked at the table kind of confused and said... "Every time I have been here there has always been stuff on top of the table." And I said... I know... but still don't want anything on top of the chess table. (Especially food or drink! The whole issue with the chess table has been going on long before she ever came. We're supposed to be getting a glass top for it from our friend Justin.)
So then I went to work and came home. When I got home I was cheerful and I commented on how wonderful the house smelled because she had made a big pot of soup. She barely said two words to me. Then she mumbled something about going to bed. I was like... Ooookay. So I asked her if she was mad at me. She said... No. I'm just tired. I was like... allllright. And she went to bed.
The next morning I got up and she was watching television. I said Good Morning and went to the bathroom. Then I heard Sadie and Puppet fighting. I came out of the bathroom and was like... "What's going on in here?!" And she claimed that Sadie came into the living room and jumped on the couch, grabbed Puppet by the throat and started shaking her. For no reason at all. 1) Sadie is an alpha bitch. 2) This is Sadie's house. 3) What PROBABLY happened is... Puppet was sleeping on the couch and Sadie ran into the living room to take up residence in her second most favorite place in the house... the couch. Since Puppet was sleeping... when Sadie jumped up there... she was probably startled and reacted in some fashion. Which then caused Sadie to react as well. So... I take Sadie and put her in her crate. My mother takes puppet into her bedroom/the dining room and I can hear various snippets of her conversation... one of which is something to the effect of how she should put Puppet to sleep. At this point... it was more than I could bear... so I got dressed, grabbed my camera and left the house. I told my mother that I was going to run some errands and that I'd be back later.
I got home at around 2 and she and John were sitting on the couch. I walked in and said hello in my most cheerful voice. John returned my hello. My mother just gave me a dirty look with glassy eyes and then turned back toward the television. I tried to ignore it and I sat between them to join in their conversation. She didn't say more than 10 words to me and then she announced that she was going to her bedroom. I asked her if she was going to bed... and she said no... that she was going to lay down for a bit. She came out of the room at around 10PM and went to the bathroom. She didn't say a word to me... then she went back to her bedroom.
Friday morning arrives and when I get up... she's not here. I called her to find out where she was. She didn't answer the phone the first time I called. Then she called me back. I asked her where she was and she responded in a very nasty tone that she was at Papa Charlie's Cafe. Then the phone kinda died. So I called her back and she snapped at me that her purse was in the restaurant and she was outside on the phone and she didn't want to talk to me. Oooookay!
When John got home from work, we decided to go for a walk in the woods behind our house. We were gone for about 3 hours. When we got home, my mother was gone... but her truck and Puppet were still here. We assumed that she went for a walk in the woods. She got back as we were cleaning our shoes. Again... I greeted her in a cheerful tone and I tried to be friendly with her... but she was distant and she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. I said... I am going to sit down... I am exhausted. So I did.
She came inside and said... We're going to have to talk sometime. And I was like... Ya think?! And then she said... "Even if it is only to say good-bye." And I asked... "Are you leaving?" And I don't remember what she said next... but I don't think I'll ever forget her face. She was standing over me with the nastiest expression on her face and she made some comment that just made me snap. I think she said something about leaving and finally I just told her to go. She should pack her shit and get out. Right now. Then I told her that if she left that I would never speak to her again. And then the shit REALLY hit the fan. It escalated into a screaming match where I told her that I didn't appreciate her bitchy, bitchy attitude toward me for the past three days. She kept bringing up the fucking sticky spot on the floor and the god damned Teflon vs. Stainless Steel issue! WTF!? She had been pissed off at me for the past three days for the most ridiculous and inane reasons. Then she made some comment about how I was her only living relative blah blah blah and I didn't treat her with an ounce of respect. LIKE I OWE HER RESPECT!?! She sat around my house for days doing nothing but drinking, popping xanax and getting stoned. She gave away my husband's cat. She took 2 of my dogs and gave them away in Florida. She went back to Brad a year ago to exact her revenge on him for dumping her after 10 years. She took up with a violent criminal... then MOONED AND PINED over LOSING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am supposed to RESPECT her? She's been nothing but a disappointment and source of anxiety for the past 2 years. And she thinks she deserves my respect?
She said that I had no sympathy for her situation and for all that she's gone through. Which is total bullshit! I tried to help her move forward and to quit wallowing in the past because there was nothing good that would come of her going back to Florida. I told her that I wanted her to come here to heal and to start a new chapter in her life. I asked for NOTHING from her. I NEVER asked her to pay a bill... to chip in on rent... NOTHING. Yet... she had the gall to tell John that I only wanted her to come live with us to pay the bills. She told John that she was mad at me because I was making plans to go to a lure coursing event next weekend, despite the fact that I don't have insurance on my vehicle. The WHOLE reason I am GOING to the lure coursing event is TO MAKE MONEY by selling pictures of the dogs! She's also mad at me because the plants in my dining room are half-dead. WTF?!
So... she started grabbing her shit and loading it in her truck. At that point I totally lost it. I had an orange in my hand and I threw it at her... then I threw a large plastic cup of water at her... then I chased her out of the house and... I wanted to beat the living hell out of her. Instead I pushed her... and then I pushed her again. I almost pushed her down the stairs... and for a fleeting second I considered letting her fall. But I caught her and whirled her around and we started screaming at each other on the front porch. Great show for the neighbors. She said that I was still angry with her for abandoning me when I was 5 years old. Which really threw me for a loop because that has NOTHING to do with why I am so angry with her right now. I am angry with her for giving away my pets. I am angry with her for going back to Florida in the first place a year and a half ago. I am angry with her for turning my life upside down time and again with no consideration of anyone elses feelings but her own. (I told her before she came here a month ago that I was having a hard time with life myself and that I was dealing with severe depression and in a lot of pain from my neck injury... she never ONCE asked me about any of that.)
More yelling ensued... I grabbed her again. I wanted to hit her... to knock some sense into her. I was crying and hysterical... a few minutes later I told her to stay that I didn't want her to go and she looked me straight in the eyes and said... "You're done."
I keep replaying all of this in my head... and it could have gone a hundred different ways. But it didn't. She was standing over me with this nasty expression on her face and this bitchy self-righteous tone in her voice and it was just more than I could take.
I don't know what to do to fix this. I have no idea where she is. I do know that she left her phone at a rest stop in Florida. So now... I can't even call her to apologize for losing my temper. Not like it would matter.
And this whole thing started with Teflon, a sticky spot on the floor and potatoes on a chess table. This is all so ridiculous.
I feel like an orphan and I have no one in this world except John.